"Working it Out...and Living It Full!"

From Babe in a Manger…to King in the Clouds!

2011-12-23T22:04:00.001-09:00

My heart is in need of quiet…of stopping this moment and listening to the whisper. The whisper of the Holy One. He is near. When I am still, I can hear Him. I can feel His love as He wraps me tight in His heavenly embrace. I read the words… (Luke 2:10-13)

“The angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I am bringing you good
news that will be a great joy to all the people. Today your Savior was
born in the town of David. He is Christ, the Lord. This is how you will
know him: You will find a baby wrapped in pieces of cloth and lying in a feeding box." Then a very large group of angels from heaven joined the first angel, praising God and saying: "Give glory to God in heaven, and on earth let there be peace among the people who please God."

My spirit stirs within me. We celebrate the birth, but we prepare for His coming! For He is coming again…but this time not in a manger, quiet and meek. No. For this time “He, the Lord Himself will descend from heaven with a shout, with the archangel’s voice, and with the trumpet of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are still alive will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air and so we will always be with the Lord.” (1 Thess. 4:16-17)

The story began quiet…just the soft cries of a newborn babe…but the end will erupt in the trumpeting of heaven’s mighty roar! The thread of God’s grace spun down through all of time is something far greater than words can ever describe. When I still, and empty all of me before the Almighty Himself, I can begin to feel the crescendo that awaits! For the orchestra plays, the music builds, and all of history sings with voices in one accord! And as we prepare our hearts…the thunderous beating of an army of angels wings beats in mighty anticipation…for He will not be delayed much longer!

So this Christmas night my soul rejoices! The Babe who came that quiet night so long ago, will come again! AMEN!

LOVE Came Down

2011-12-14T10:02:00.001-09:00

LOVE comes down, from Kingdom high to manger low.

LOVE, wrapped in soft flesh.

LOVE, leaving behind royalty for servant hood.

LOVE, in proactive form, came to give and empty and make Himself payment for crimes He could never do.

LOVE, led by example, is more than mere words of beauty.

LOVE is sacrifice…it is acting out the example that gave up all for the sinful, wicked, dirty, shameful soul.

LOVE is God.

Do we love like Christ? Do we leave behind comfort and lay low our rights to give and to serve? Does our love take on verb tense? Are we actively loving the unlovely? For to speak love, words can flow without sacrifice and thought. Words are easy…but love lived behind the words are what Jesus came to show, what Jesus came to give. He offers true love…and we, His image-bearers, are to offer up that love just as He. Are we? Am I?

The Church…

2011-12-14T00:41:00.001-09:00

Church. What is church really? Is it something we do? Is it somewhere we go? Why was it designed? What has it been morphed into throughout the ages?

I believe in what it is suppose to stand for…what it is suppose to be. It is a body of believers who can humbly come together in unity and lift our voices in one accord to bring our Creator glory and honor due His name. It is a place where we can bring our gifts, that God has so graciously bestowed upon us, and use them jointly to serve and encourage the body as a whole. It is something that is meant to magnify Christ, not bring attention to ourselves.

But I fear that church has become so many things it was never intended to be. Church is suppose to be a place where we come to empty ourselves out in order to be filled and used of the Spirit. Yet, we come to “church” in order to be filled…in order to feel good…to be loved on…to be cared for. We search for a church that entertains us, keeps our attention, leaves us with elated emotions. We like a church for their good music, the pastor’s ability to move us with his words, the programs it offers our children, the fellowship it offers us. We are seeking a church that can give us the most, that can meet all of our needs, and never disappoint. Church has become all about us. We come, we soak up what we can get out of it, we complain about what it doesn’t offer us, or what we don’t like about it, and then we lift our noses in the air and walk away, seeking something grander, better, more to our liking. God forbid that we step up and give! Never should we try and change the things we don’t like, love on the ones who we don’t agree with, fill the positions that we feel are lacking. B/c we are there to be SERVED, not SERVE! It isn’t about God’s glory, it’s become about our wants and how we think things should be. So we whine and cry and complain and blame everyone else…squawking about until people stop trying to appease us or please us…then we turn our backs piously and move on, never stopping to think that maybe, just maybe, God wants us to get our feet dirty. Maybe God wants us to jump in blindly and love and give and show Christ by example!

I think our churches could be changed if we as Christians gained this mentality. If we would stop judging the petty, and started loving without stipulations. If we could wildly and vulnerably “let go” of all of US, and grasp hold of JESUS…the blessing would pour forth and it wouldn’t stop!

Just some things I have been thinking about lately. My heart hurts for the church. I want to see God’s glory! I want to move out of the way and let Him have His way! This is my prayer this night.

Dancing in the Rain…

2011-12-12T08:56:00.001-09:00

Busy. This season seems so busy. I love Christmas, the holidays, all the fun of family and friends. But I don’t like how fast it speeds by, as each day gets bombarded with a hundred things I just “have” to get done! This week has begun just like all the rest, but I feel God placing His finger on my heart…and I hear His gentle whisper to my soul…and I know this day must be different.

I do have a hundred excuses why THIS season is okay to be busier than all the rest. I mean, we are moving across the country! And with very little time to think or plan or anything that makes moving across the country any easier. But, there will always be SOMETHING that will steal my moments of now if I let it. I read something just yesterday and it spoke to my heart…it said:

“You can’t wait until the storm passes by…you have to learn to dance in the rain!”

This season isn’t necessarily a “storm” in my life…but it is something that I am waiting to settle down, to get through, to pass by so that things can be “normal” again. But what is “normal”? I don’t have “normal”…I have a life that changes from day to day. And if I am always waiting for this event to pass by… to hurry up and settle down…then I will be waiting until my whole life speeds right by me. And I don’t want to do that! I want to live! I want to DANCE IN THAT RAINSTORM!

So, His gentle whisper says, “Calm in the midst of the storm.” Enjoy the giggles from my little ones, write that letter to a friend, take time to blog, sit down with coffee and bible in hand, cuddle with my 2yr old, be patient, be kind, in the midst of busy and crazy, revel in the glory of God this day!

So, here I am, hunting down the beauty this morning…and I will see it…b/c He is here, and I am aware:)

I Am His

2011-12-10T22:39:00.001-09:00

The snow falls so quietly. Almost deafening. The silence as flakes of heaven float down from the sky. A fresh blanket. It covers and it hides. The dirt. The muck. The ugly. The white so pure takes the place of all the mess and turns it into a winter wonderful land.

Inside my heart stirs. His Spirit speaks. A smile escapes my lips and I turn a thankful soul to the Snow-Giver, the Mess-Cleaner, the Reminder Himself.

My heart fills with dirt and grime each and everyday. My steps become muddy and my feet get stuck in the muck each corner I come across. But He is constantly turning my ugly into something beautiful, something pure and white. And He reminds that it is only b/c of His shed blood that the quiet can exists, that the fresh can blanket and cover and hide the sin that plays so heavily outside. And I inhale big, and relish in the moment of wonder as the world stops but for a brief instance, and I feel the snowflakes as they rest softly on my eye-lashes, and I hear Him as He wipes away and forgives this mess of a heart I have. And I feel the peace settle in and over and I am whole. I am His.

The Nutcracker

2011-12-06T20:34:00.001-09:00

She spins. Again and again. Her smile captures my heart and steals my breath away! I can’t contain this joy that springs up a fresh and anew! Watching her gaze in wonder…catching the moment and soaking it up! She LOVES this…the beauty, the frills, the music! The Nutcracker Ballet. Every year we come, we watch, she dances and twirls. We talk about it for 364 days until the next time we dress up, and spend an evening pretending we are there, in the Sugarplum Forest, spinning and twirling our dreams away!

In the aisles, she can’t stop dancing! She feels apart! She tells me she just can’t stop dancing!

She waits with excitement, she is going to meet these beautiful creatures, these ballerinas who have stolen her heart!

She stands transfixed, as they sign her autograph book!

She keeps whispering to me…”they are so beautiful!”

She exclaims that she too, will be the most beautiful ballerina on stage!

It was a day of fairytale dreaming and princess smiles!

Every little girl’s dream…to dance and be beautiful and have the entire world see that beauty that you know is stored inside! To twirl and spin and feel the beauty that God displayed in all His creations!

Its so fun to be a little girl! So fun to feel the excitement of the ballet, the lights and music and know, in the very depths of your heart, that when the lights dim and the music begins, You are on that stage, dancing your dreams and dazzling a world into beauty and splendor! And so, until next year, we will count the sleeps until we can do it all over again!

Alaska Has Stolen My Heart…

2011-12-02T23:26:00.001-09:00

Moving. Just the thought of the word sends my pulse racing and my blood pressure through the roof! It’s not that I don’t like the actual moving…I love change. I love new places, new adventures, new people and new memories! I love the road trips, the visiting family, the time in the car with just my sweet little family. I love the scenery as we drive across the country that we love so very much! All of it, I LOVE!

But what I don’t like, is the thought of leaving Alaska. I have grown to love this place and think of it as home. Even in the negative temps, the long months of darkness, and the frozen EVERYTHING…there is so much that compensates for those things that I barely notice them anymore. Everything here is so BIG…so open and so beautiful. There are more species of animals than there are people…we can drive and drive for hours and hours without ever encountering another human being! I feel so close to God here…life is simple and it is so easy to keep perspective on what really matters.

You dress for warmth, not fashion…you live to survive, not impress. There is no “keeping up with the Jone’s”. No one cares what you drive, what you wear, where you live or what you do. You are who you are, and people like you just that way. Nobody is “weird” or “unusual”…or maybe we are ALL WEIRD AND UNUSUAL, I don’t know. But not matter who you are, you fit!

There are no dress codes for Sunday mornings…no restaurant requires black ties, your Carharts will do just fine! A seven hour drive to go shopping is normal…but if you can’t find it at Walmart or Fred Meyer, you probably don’t need it anyway. You sleep in the winter b/c the summers are made for playing…and playing hard! The only good excuse for missing church in the summer is b/c your fishing…in the fall, hunting. No one questions or judges… well only if you come back empty handed! Salmon and moose are just as good currency as cash in your pocket. Crime is low b/c EVERYONE packs! You carry your Bible AND your gun to church on Sundays. The guy in the checkout line at the grocery store openly wears his 357 on his hip, and no one gives it a second thought! Stupid people don’t last long here, b/c someone WILL shoot them in the face!

I am sad to leave this place! It is the most incredible place I have ever lived! This is the place where you chase the Aurora’s in the middle of the night, you swim in hot springs in –40 degree weather, you hike in the woods filled with snow covered Christmas trees all winter long! This is the place where the sun never sets for 3 months straight…where the moon is brighter and the stars feel like you can reach out and grab one, keeping in your pocket for a rainy day! You watch bears catch salmon while fishing on the opposite shoreline…you loose count of eagles soaring high, moose meandering in nearby fields, or maybe taking walk down main street! Life slows here…b/c the beauty is too magnificent to overlook. I feel overwhelmed with God’s greatness each and every day!

I am excited for the next chapter of our lives…but sad it will take us away from this place. I pray with all my heart God directs our steps back here one day. This is our home, the only place my babies have ever known.

Some days fear grips my heart as I think of moving back to the South. The busyness, the stress, the materialism, the “keeping-up”. I pray that I can bring a bit of Alaska back with me…that I can keep this sense of quiet and slow and good and not get caught up in all the hustle and “go”. God has begun a work in my life, and I pray it continues on no matter what this world brings my way.

Being Here, Now.

2011-12-02T07:32:00.001-09:00

Today dawns early…with a list of “to-do’s” already a mile long! My pulse races just thinking about all that this girl needs to make happen…my mind jumping through the day and the quiet of THIS moment slips right past. I stop. I breathe. I hear His faint whisper…His wind as it stirs my heart.

Oh precious Lord, thank You for the reminder to live wholly now, in this day, in this moment, in this beauty You have given. The day is early, and the reminder sinking in deep. I am so grateful for a God who loves me enough to stop my quickening heart and bring me to my face, so I can be in His presence.

So, I hush…and I hear…HIM! He says to capture the grace He pours THIS DAY! Capture their smiles….

Lay in the snow and make the prettiest snow angels possible!

Laugh hard with your children!

See the color of beauty all around!

He beckons me to look! To see! The DARE to live fully is ringing true in my heart! It’s not so much, being as productive as possible…it isn’t even being the best, the first or the greatest! It is being here. Now. Seeing His glory. Letting His beauty overwhelm you, change you, mold you into more of Him.

So today, I will pick up my list, but I will pick up my camera too. And I will remember to slow, and to capture the moments and memories of today. And I will thank Him, for today. For their smiles, the snow angels, the laughter, the color of beauty all around!

The Reality of God’s Promises

2011-12-01T08:37:00.001-09:00

Proverbs 16:1- “The plans of the heart belong to man, but the answer of the tongue is from the Lord.

vs.2 All the ways of a man are clean in his own sight, but the Lord weighs the motives.

vs.3 Commit your works to the Lord, and your plans will be established.

vs. 9 The mind of man plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps.”

These verses stand boldly on the pages of God’s Word…they speak softly to my heart. I read them again and again, soaking up their truth. They were a promise to this unsure girl only 6 months ago. I have been clinging to these proverbs…trusting in my God to bring about only the perfect, beautiful, best plan for this little family.

We had a dream, a plan that we desired. Travis wanted to fly more than anything else! He tried several times to change his job from the band field over to aviation. He tried for the Air force, the Coastguard, and each time was told no. It was discouraging…but we were trusting in the Lord for His perfect will for our family…we understood that He knew much better than we ever dreamed of knowing. So, Travis went ahead in his free time and got his private pilot’s license. He flew on his days off and kept trusting the Lord. But about six months ago, God gave the man a new idea, one he had ruled out many times. But for some reason, now it made sense. Fly for the army, helicopters. Even though helicopters weren’t his first choice, it was better than nothing. HE needed experience in the sky, he needed hours flying…and what better way than get paid for that experience, those hours. So, he put together his packet, prayerfully seeking God’s will, sent it in, and we waited. We had a plan…we made steps toward this plan, this desire. But we knew that in order for it to become a reality, it had to be God’s will, His plan, His direction for our family. And low and behold, He directed our steps into a YES answer! Travis found out last week that he had been accepted to the program and that we leave Alaska for Alabama in 2 months.

We are nervous…anxious for what the future holds. We are leaving “comfortable” for “unknown” grounds. But we hold tightly to these promises! God has plans for our lives that we cannot see…so we walk ahead blindly but with faith! We are excited for the future…and we are so thankful! We have peace that we are where God wants us, b/c we couldn’t have come to this place unless it was totally of the Lord. We had no control…we have no control really. But we did all we could, and then it was resting solely in the Lord’s hands alone. So, we walk forward…and we continue to TRUST! B/c that is really all we can do!

Slow…and Live Fully This Day!

2011-11-29T07:49:00.001-09:00

He shakes his head no. I ask him again, and still, his little head shakes no. A lie. Inside me starts to bubble…the truth is right in front of him, still, he grasps for the easy. He fears. He knows he did wrong, so he clings to the hope that I will not realize, I will not know.

He is so young…a baby still…and yet he has opened his world to deceit and desperately holds tight to a false hope of secret…of hidden. I reach for his hand. I want to scream and yell, to scold and punish. But this moment seems so tender. I inhale hard and exhale slow. He is a babe, he is learning, so His Spirit reminds to “teach”. I talk him through the events, remind him of the truth and that mommy needs to ALWAYS hear truth spoken from his lips. I remind of the importance…of obedience…of Jesus. He keeps shaking his head no, and I keep talking…gently.

But then, in that quiet moment, I hear his whisper. I see the repentance fall upon his little chubby face. His eyes downcast, the knowing of his sin evident. A tear trickles down his cheek…and his head begins to shake yes. A confession.

I gather him in my arms and my heart wants to burst forth in joy! He understood! And although I am not happy with his sin, I am happy with his understanding of repentance. In the middle of rush and noise, in the bustle of busy and chaos, humility is birthed and my mommy heart can’t stop from rejoicing. I speak of forgiveness…of consequences…but in his ear I whisper grace.

I could have lost this moment. I have lost so many others. I speed past, I overbook and over schedule. We hurry, and we forget to live. To live fully! Most days I would have missed this precious opportunity to sow into my babies heart.

The reality of that thought pains sharp. I try and catch my breath. And then, I hear… “Slow, My child.” I feel His Spirit reach tenderly into my soul. Reminding. A tear trickles down my cheek…and my head begins to shake yes. I confess.

I feel the Father gather me into His arms. He speaks forgiveness, and I hear His faint voice whisper grace!

And we begin again. A new day. New grace for new moments still to come. I surrender, again. My prayer runs deep…” Open my eyes that I will see…the opportunities to teach, to nurture these little lives, to sow seeds of truth that will grow into steady trees planted by streams of living water! (Ps. 1) And I pray for the grace to “slow…and live fully this day!”

Thanksgiving…

2011-11-24T09:22:00.001-09:00

Today I am thankful. In the early morning, while children are still sleeping and coffee is brewing and the night is giving way to morning’s light, I am thankful. My heart truly overflows with the blessings God has poured out and over my life. I sat down to this this keyboard, this computer, to type out a Thanksgiving list…but my list started a year ago. I am on number 867.

The biggest thankful this day…is that God is showing me how to live a life of thankful EVERYDAY. I write these words with all humility, for this lesson wasn’t learned overnight. And to be honest, I am still learning this lesson as my fingers fall across these lettered keys. But the journey has begun. And JOY fills my heart each day because of it. I am truly learning how to find thankfuls in every day that passes! I am still guilty of missing the moments…I get grumpy, discouraged, and loose sight of the beautiful! But God has begun a work in my life that has led me back, each grumpy discouraged time, to the miracle of the moment that I am breathing and living inside!

So, this Thanksgiving Day, the day we set aside as a nation to give thanks and remember…I will continue to count. I will celebrate that this kind of joyous occasion can be had each and every day. That the turkey and the dressing and the family gathered around the table, and the games and laughter and togetherness is celebrated throughout the year for our God gives us good each and everyday! And His good is begging to be seen, to be proclaimed, to be shouted from the mountain tops!

We give thanks. We hold hands and bear witness of the Creator and His miraculous displays of beauty and grace all around. We refuse to be silent…we will dance in the streets for we are filled with gratitude that cannot be contained. And as our dance gives way to awestruck wonder and amazement, we will fall to our knees, with hands lifted high as we glory in the good and miraculous of Heaven HIMSELF!

My Man!

2011-11-18T22:27:00.001-09:00

He is a man of very few words. The silent type. People often mistake this for rude, mean, insensitive, or apathetic. But really, he’s just quiet. He won’t say anything unless there is something that needs to be said. He is comfortable in the silence…he is comfortable with who he is. He is a man, in every sense and meaning of the word. He is passionate about what he believes. He is real. What you see is what you get. Authentic. He doesn’t aim to impress, take it or leave it, he doesn’t really care. He will give his shirt off his back, if that’s what you need. He notices everything. He observes better than he engages. But don’t cross his line, b/c he will get the last word. (or just shoot you in the face)

People are intimidated by him…they don’t know how to take him. He doesn’t allow too many people inside…he is guarded. He is wise. And he is mine. Others don’t see his heart, they judge what they don’t know. But I know. I see. He is a giver. He is a teacher. He is kind and loving, the best husband and father I have ever met. I am blessed. Here is just a peek into his heart…

He is silly beyond belief! Never serious!

So handy! Icing cookies! Yet still manly…see that tool belt on his hip! Ha!

He loves his family more than anything in the world! He is teaching Emmy how to drive the snow-machine.

A date in Anchorage. He is so sexy! He treats me like a queen, I am BEYOND spoiled! And I love love love it!

He gives to his kids more than any man I have ever met. They love their daddy!

And he can sew! Jealous yet ladies? Wesley’s froggie was torn apart and Daddy saved the day!

He is a teacher. He taught my ALMOST 80 yr old Memaw how to shoot a gun after they were robbed. Next time she will be prepared. He is so patient.

He serves his country with honor. (And so good looking too)

Teaching Lukie how to fish for salmon. Luke felt so big and important.

He is always loving on his babies!

They had to wade across the river to get to the REALLY good fishing spot! Always an adventure with this man. Always.

He was showing the kids a grayling. They fished for hours this day.

He is kind and compassionate. He loves hard and is faithful. He loves the Lord with all his heart. He may not be very verbal about it, but his heart is real, and he stirs MY heart like none other. I think I’ll keep him, forever!

Thanksgiving’s Fresh Work

2011-11-17T08:03:00.001-09:00

My list is scattered, words are fewer and further between. Time has ebbed on without an utterance of thanks. Moments are lost with eyes closed, fists clenched tight. My heart has hurt, throbbed with pain unrelenting. Bitterness has begun to etch itself at the edge of my soul. Joy has lost light, slowly fading, almost snuffed out altogether.

Yet, under the ick and muck of sins most ugly blanket of self and filth, a flame still flickers, begging to catch wind. As I begin to peel back the layers of pride and self-absorption, the flame grows brighter. Thanksgiving begins to fall from my lips, slowly at first, tasting the sweetness of it’s words a fresh and a new. And as my buds remember the goodness, the flame jumps and dances across the dark night of my weary soul. The “thankfuls” start to pour out like a steady, soothing rain. And the words become prayer…and the prayer takes root! My eyes open wider and my hands are uplifted and I can’t keep silent for the joy is bursting forth!

And even though the page of my heart looks like a scribbled mess…the words all flowing without poetry or rhyme…my spirit is breathing in beauty healing. The words rush forth like a wild, untamed river in giant force…yet I can feel His peace as it settles over like a calm mountain spring, tucked away in the nook of His love. I can’t keep the praise contained. Thankful sets me free from the weight that crushes this precious gift of time and moments and beauty and life. I will name them again. I will see them. I will glory in the good they were given to be lived! Thanksgiving truly washes over me…and as I inhale her beauty, I will exhale her grace for all to hear and see!

His “Glory-bearers”…

2011-09-15T23:18:00.001-08:00

Tears fall down her cheeks. Her spirit, broken into a thousand pieces. She struggles to speak…fights for the words to describe the pain that has ripped through her heart. And as she grasps for meaning to the lies that has almost split her world in half, she whispers through the sadness…” I want to respond like Christ.”

I catch my breath. I expect anger and frustration. I await a flood of emotion and hysteria…instead, a whisper for more. More of Jesus. God-glory fills the room. His radiance beams out of her cries. She is hurt, but she still longs to sing HIS PRAISE.

I sit in stunned silence. Could this be happening? This could just as easily have been me…yet could I be like her? Could I find resolve in such a horrific situation and surrender my rights in order for God to receive the glory? The questions fill my brain as I watch her. She lovingly takes his hand. This man who stands with such integrity in the face of such persecution. The battle raging inside can be seen through his eyes. The struggle is there, but the resolve is stronger. This solider, this warrior, fighting for truth, standing his ground. And in the end, truth prevails. The scars run deep, but the victory is won. The pain is etched across his features, but peace seems to settle over his soul. And I want to fall to my knees. I want to scream out against injustice! Anger rises to the surface of my heart! But I watch them. And I see such beauty. I see Jesus Himself. I am sitting in His presence right here, right now, in this very room. And anger dissolves, thankfulness is birthed.

My eyes behold the God-glory…and it is almost too much to take in. This couple, seated before me, is proof that there is a God, that He is real, that He is alive, and that He can change lives! Everything about this situation screams out injustice! But bigger than the injustice done, is the God living inside! And that very same God is working His wonders…I can feel it. I can see it. Oh the pain is real, the wound is so very tender, so very raw. But the miracle of healing has already begun. Satan does not own the victory, he fights a loosing battle, for the victory is the Lord’s!

Humbly we bow, together we come before the throne room of grace. We receive His goodness and He abundantly bestows! What Satan means for bad, God will use for good. We believe. We trust. Our faith is strengthened. Our hope is restored.

“Though the pain may last for the night, joy comes in the morning”.

Peace for my Soul…

2011-09-08T08:29:00.001-08:00

I can’t stop seeing the hurt in his eyes. The deep pain that has changed him forever. I can’t stop hearing the anguish in her story…the hurt from being accused and dismissed. The images won’t leave my mind…the hungry, the hurting, the needy. I see the need…I feel it in the center of my being. I see the tears. I feel them as they fall down her cheeks. What can I do? How do I help? My soul cries out! I can’t rest until I DO something.

And then I hear it. That soft Whisper that has become such a dear and trusted Friend. The Holy Wind that blows across my heart and bids me come. I fall. On my face, I fall into His presence. I fall hungry, hurting, and needy at His feet! And there I stay. I unleash my soul before Him…it all comes tumbling out in gushes.

He says STOP. He says INTERCEDE. PRAY. I bear my soul before the Almighty. DO THIS. I am doing what doesn’t make sense. But in doing, peace starts to chip away the pieces of distress. I can accomplish nothing apart from the ONE who accomplishes all. So, in His presence I sit. I lay aside frivolous things. He convicts and disciplines my wayward heart. I humbly bow. It hurts, this growing up in the Lord. But I know the growing pains will only bring me closer…closer to the One who my very soul longs to apart of. So I confess. And I bow lower. Until I am prostrate on my bedroom floor, I bow. And He says “Stay and Do”. This is what I am to do for the hurt in his eyes. This is what I am to do for the anguish in her story, the hurt from being accused and dismissed. This is what I am to do for the tears as they fall down her cheeks. I am to bow low, and usher their requests before the throne room of the Creator Himself…the great I AM.

And when He sets me on my feet again, I am to go. I am to feed the hungry, comfort the hurting, and help the needy. I am to be His hands and feet.

Praising Through The Seasons

2011-08-22T06:58:00.001-08:00

In the waking of the dawn, I hear You. I will give You praise. For, in this moment of coffee dripping from the pot, laundry tossing in the dryer, quiet surrounding my heart…I can see You. All around me. You are calling me into Your beauty that overwhelms. Outside my window, fall has settled in. Trees have begun to change to yellow…sprinkled here and there. Mornings are met with a cool damp mist, winter gently trying to make her entrance.

But, in the midst of fall, SUMMER still breaks through my soul. For only a few short weeks before, walking in the woods of birch, Your glory rained down through those trees and my spirit was set ablaze!

I can still feel that moment of grandeur! I can still faintly hear You whisper Your love over me on that day. And how my heart rejoices b/c I can hear Your love wash over me fresh and new THIS morning as well. It doesn’t matter what season we are in, what storm we are facing, what light we see before us. “Your mercies are new every morning, GREAT IS YOUR FAITHFULNESS!”

So, bring on winter, in all her fury! I am ready to praise!

The Process of Breaking…

2011-08-12T07:37:00.001-08:00

Pride. What a small little word that carries a lot of weight! A word, that when paired with a heart, can result in nasty, ugly things. How funny, that many people “take pride” in being humble? What a completely ridiculous statement! But I think we are all guilty of it.

To be humbled by the mighty hand of God hurts something fierce! When the Almighty breaks your heart into a thousand tiny pieces, when you have fallen so low that, when on your face in the miry muck, it is a struggle to even look up, it doesn’t feel very “good”. But oh, the holiness of that moment! B/c in that moment, you realize, it isn’t about me! This life, this breath, this world I claim as my own, isn’t about me at all! I am here to serve the purpose of my Creator. Those words taste a bit bitter rolling off the tongue. They go against everything my flesh tells me is true. But then I read words like Luke 17:10 which says: “So you too, when you do all the things which are commanded you, say, ‘We are unworthy slaves; we have done ONLY that which we ought to have done.’” I am reminded that what is accomplished through these flesh and bones are only things that God enables me to do for His purposes. He is Sovereign and in control. His ultimate plan for all humanity has little to do with my wish lists and selfish ambitions. I would dare even say that my “to do” lists may stand as a hindrance at times for His master plan to unfold. I don’t want to stand in the way. I want to be sensitive to the Holy Spirit, even if what I feel He is calling seems inconvenient or “hard to swallow.”

I am being humbled this day. My heart is broken and laid bare before the Lord and I am ashamed of the pride that has crept to the surface of my life. Oh, but I will bask and delight in the forgiveness of my King. He offers, and I will bow low and accept.

To pray the prayer for humbleness seems spiritual and right. But when it begins to take place, it is truly an unearthly experience. B/c I would never wish this kind of humiliation and hurt on purpose. But I know, with all faith in my great Lord, that it will bring about beauty and tenderness of heart that I have never before experienced. So I am walking forward, on my knees, trusting in His holy process.

My Daddy

2011-08-11T15:53:00.001-08:00

The phone rings. In the middle of cutting up chicken for dinner, taking cookie sheets out of the oven, I answer. Daddy. He rarely ever calls me. He is busy. He isn’t much of a phone-talker. But neither am I. The timer is buzzing from the oven, another batch of cookies ready to come out. I am balancing one sheet in one hand while trying not to drop the phone.

And then I hear his words. “Thank you for believing in me.” He called just to say his thanks. And tears quickly spring to my eyes. Nothing elaborate. Just a simple “thank you” turned my crazy, chaotic day into a memory that will last for a lifetime. The act of believing, the words of encouraging, the time of investing…he noticed and he gave back. My heart stills within me. Love overwhelms and I give my “thankful” back to the Lord.

How blessed I am to have a father who lives with integrity. This moment is good…and I offer up my praise to the good-moment Maker!

Hurting…My Thankful This Day

2011-08-10T05:38:00.001-08:00

How a heart can break. In the early morning light, my heart is laid bare, and the hurt seems so big, so overwhelming. Too quickly I forget that “we don’t wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities and things not of this world”. Too often, my war is fought against the wrong enemy. Far too often I loose my focus, I forget, and I hurt.

Deep, gut-wrenching sobs rack my body…tears fall across my keyboard as I type. I don’t want to forget. I don’t want to hurt. But sometimes only the hurt can bring the healing needed for my soul. Sometimes only the hurt can open my eyes. Sometimes, in hindsight mostly, hurt can be a great and dear friend. For God uses that hurt to bring me to the foot of the cross. That hurt turns my eyes up. That hurt…helps.

So, I embrace the hurt. This morning, in the breaking light of the dawn, that very hurt is my “Thankful” this day.

Change me Lord. From the inside out, change this heart of mine until it no longer resembles me at all! Make me a mirror of You, precious Savior, Father.

Loving the Body Of Christ

2011-08-10T05:18:00.001-08:00

I love the body of Christ. All of our quirks, abnormalities, differences, I love them all! We are so different, and in that is amazing beauty! None of us are perfect! As much as we would like to think we are, we aren’t! And when you put a bunch of us together, you can truly see all those imperfections shine! But the flip side of that, the HAPPY side of that, is that all those fabulous, wonderful, Christ-qualities shine out as well! God’s glory starts to weave it’s way through all of us…His goodness and grace start seeping into relationships and moments of togetherness…and Jesus is suddenly evident like never before! It’s supernatural! And it is glorious!

But why do we run from those beauty-making moments? Why, when things start to get just a little sticky…when we begin to notice our brothers and sisters working out and working through their imperfections and struggles, do we tuck tail and run the other way! We had rather judge their faults and blast their wrongs instead of pray grace over their lives and encourage their weakness til strength is found! We are always growing. God is always weeding junk out of our lives…He is constantly molding us and pruning us…our relationship with Him is a DAILY walk. We haven’t “arrived” at some spiritual place of grandeur where we get to sit and critique everyone else’s walk with Christ. We are all in the same boat! We are all dirty rotten sinners saved by the gracious and loving hand of God the Father. There is nothing in us that is good! Nothing! Only by the shed blood of Jesus Christ can God look upon our hearts! We all have a common enemy…one who is prowling around looking for someone to devour! So shouldn’t we be a unified force, coming together with the soul purpose to show God’s glory? If only we would be patient with one another, and let prayer become our “crutch” instead of idle gossip disguised as “concern” in our Christian circles. If we would love each other long enough to watch God’s miraculous hand weave in and out of hearts, we would see the super-natural, awe-inspiring, miraculous sign of repentance that only God can bring about in people’s lives!

But we don’t want to wait around on THAT, now do we? We see the wrong in people’s lives, we are quick to judge and point out that wrong, and then when that person doesn’t “change” b/c of the pointing out we have done, we become impatient with them and turn our backs! Instead of continued prayer over that person, we “dust our feet of them” all too quickly and move on. How dare they not change! We forget that it takes the conviction of the HOLY SPIRIT to change lives! My “pointing out” may be a stepping stone, an eye-opener, but not a life-changer! Lives can only be changed through the Holy Spirit!

I think we miss out on many of God’s greatest blessings b/c we give up on people too fast! We get frustrated and walk away too soon! We quit praying, I mean REALLY, DOWN ON OUR KNEES, TEARS POURED OUT, kind of praying for others! And then, when God comes down from heaven and touches that soul, when that spirit is moved and sin is confessed and a life is changed, we aren’t there to witness it! We aren’t there to glory in God’s amazing grace b/c we have too quickly forgotten that His same grace is what changed our heart, convicted us of our sin, waited patiently on our stubborn will, and we have piously walked away.

My prayer is that I will wait on the LORD! That I won’t get ahead of His Spirit moving in our midst. I pray that I can love the body of Christ patiently and forgivingly. I pray that I can stand in the gap, down on my knees, humbly waiting and watching for Christ to move those mountains and and create “water-walkers” all around me! He is God! He is good! He is big! And He is doing big stuff in the people’s lives all around me! I want to see those blessings unfold!

Some Reasons Why We Homeschool…

2011-08-10T04:55:00.001-08:00

It’s 3:47am and I am awake. My heart is restless within me. I can’t sleep b/c I have a million and one thoughts running through my mind…and writing them down helps me establish importance within my soul. I’m sorting through some major questions in my brain, and since this is my blog, I will use this outlet to figure a few things out!

Question #1: Why do we homeschool? Homeschooling isn’t easy! It isn’t some lame excuse of a way to get out of getting up early and making lunches and putting kids on the bus. It isn’t our way of saving gas money in not having to run all over the place taking kids to and from school. Homeschooling in our family is a hard, yet beautiful commitment! We choose to homeschool b/c we want to instill in our children more than just a secular education. Reading, writing, math, science, social studies….all of those things are important! We spend countless hours choosing curriculum, praying over what will suit our children’s learning styles best, preparing lessons and teaching those lessons to little minds and hearts. But deeper still than educating their minds, we want to educate their hearts in the depth of God’s Word and His ways. Children are so impressionable at these young, tender ages. I want to impress God’s way into their hearts, to teach them the importance of living for Christ and lay a foundation in their life rich in the ways of God so that when they are older, they will KNOW how to stand for HIM when faced with adversity, difficulties, and peer pressure. The world is so big, so aggressive, so hungry to deceive our minds and lure us into it’s way of thinking. Homeschooling provides such an amazing opportunity for me as a mother to spend time weaving the fundamentals of following after Christ into the day in and day out of education and living in this world but not becoming indoctrinated by it! It is such a fine line, a hard line to distinguish and we think as a society that our children are ready to figure this out at the age of 5? 6? 7? And these days, with preschool so popular, we throw our children out there in the world at the ages of 3 and 4! (Preschool is an entirely different post I could write about…but I’ll save that one for another day!) We have these precious little people in our care for such a short time! We have to make these years count! One day, far too soon, they will be at the age where they won’t want to listen to what we have to say. The world is grabbing and trying to grasp their attention at every loop and bend! Through television, advertisements, movies, music, entertainment as a whole, the world screams at our children that it can offer them so much more! Our time with them is limited! And in that limited time, I want to teach my children what IS important, what will last for eternity, that this world is but for a moment and we are placed upon this earth for one ultimate reason! And that reason is to bring glory and honor to our Creator! This life isn’t about us! It isn’t about having fun or becoming bigger and better at whatever it is that we are doing! It is about pointing others to the cross! It is about Kingdom building! Christ-Kingdom! And when I think of sending my children off for 7-8 hours a day to have a system (which I don’t even respect or trust) instill in my children what THEY deem important and acceptable, that just screams a BIG FAT NO!

Not only is homeschooling meeting my expectations in a spiritual manner for my children, but I am able to work with my kids in a one on one environment where learning is faster and more efficient! I am able to pin-point their struggles quickly. And then we are able to work on those areas specifically. As soon as they grasp a concept, we are able to move on to the next, we don’t have to wait for anyone to catch up.

For me as a mother, it isn’t an easy task to undertake! I spend hours and hours of preparing and then teaching! But it is so worth every minute of my time. The joy and exhilaration of that moment when one my kids grasps a concept we have been studying, it is beyond words or explanation! And when I watch my kids sharing with each other, serving one another, loving on each other…it brings such a peace to my spirit, and to our household.

I’m not a super-mom either. I have plenty of moments of impatience and insanity! Days when I just don’t remember why we have chosen this path! But God will gently whisper into my heart and I am reminded once again. We are not perfect. We are no different than anyone else. Homeschooling doesn’t make me a better parent than my neighbor. I am not taking pride in my commitment. Homeschooling is a blessed opportunity that I never ever want to take for granted. Can you instill all of these character traits in your child and still send them to public school? Most definitely. But I believe that you have to be deliberate and have much resolve in the time you have with them at home. Will I forever homeschool? I can’t answer that question this morning b/c I don’t know what the future holds. I do know that while they are young, I want to teach them and direct them as much as possible. I want to provide as many opportunities to instruct them in the ways of the Lord as I can! Homeschooling provides one of those opportunities.

Parenting is much bigger than changing diapers and making lunches. Christ-parenting is a daily responsibility to teach our children how to become God-fearers, not man-pleasers! Christ-parenting is growing our children up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Parenting is 24/7. We don’t “get a break”. It’s definitely a privilege we receive from the Lord, and I don’t ever want to take it for granted ,or think of it lightly. It’s big! But it is so AMAZING! I love my children…and I want to sow into their lives as much as I possibly can! And that is why we homeschool.

(There are many more reasons why we have chosen this path, but for now, this is what I needed to write down. I will expound more later.) Question #2: …that will come later:) I got carried away with question #1.

LIVING in the Right Now!

2011-08-03T16:58:00.001-08:00

He gives me life, and He says LIVE! Right now, in this moment, LIVE! Drink in the beauty of here, now. Bask in the grace supplied for the present. He wants us to enjoy. He wants us to FEEL the grandeur of the mountain, serene and intense! He wants us to be AWED over the delicate berry, so round and so blue. He wants our senses to come alive to HIS beauty, the beauty that He created for all to see. This creation is His handiwork. His masterpiece. The tree bent low. The caterpillar so intricate. The tundra so soft. The breeze blown across the meadow, whispering words from the very lips of the Creator Himself.

“Don’t worry about tomorrow…” Christ speaks with wisdom. He knows that worry will cause us to miss out on this day, this moment dipped in majesty and glory. He longs for us to be still. To slowly open our eyes and LOOK. “Taste and see that the Lord is good.” He appeals to our senses for He designed them for His glory.

So, He calls…and I hear. My soul stops its frantic searching and planning for the next moment, and I begin to live in this one. My long list of schedules and “to do’s” fade from sight and I SEE my Savior ALIVE AND ACTIVE right now. This day is a gift He has granted me. This breath is given from GRACE Himself. I lay aside the stress of responsibility and I embrace the wild, the adventure of being HIS! All the chores will still be there tomorrow…but right now the opportunity exists to run free! To dance with arms stretched wide, face turned up toward the warmth of the sun, and smile spread from ear to ear! This minute of wild abandonment will fuel the next with joy and inexpressible contentment! For everywhere, in everything, God is near and I will rejoice and LIVE!

Tuesday Morning…

2011-08-02T22:18:00.001-08:00

Women. We sit around a circle. Each one carrying a story all her own. We laugh nervously as greetings are passed back and forth, one to another. We fill the awkward silence with timid questions and quiet smiles. Everyone trying to find her place. This group of women, from the youngest of girls to the most seasoned of grand-mothers. We are all here, all trying to connect in some form or fashion. Our hearts yearn for unity, to find relationship, to be knitted together on common ground. A prayer is uttered and the floor is opened. The question has been poised. Who will answer first? Who will open her heart wide and let all of us inside? Who will bear her soul and allow us to look deep within?

And then she raises her hand and begins her praise. She is thankful. She, who only weeks before buried her most treasured friend. Her dear sweet grandmother had gone to be with Jesus… She is thankful. Her eyes speak of peace no earthly explanation can expound. She sings her Creator’s praise back to Him with genuine gratitude and my heart is stirred within me.

I listen, spellbound, as each woman opens her heart and allows us to catch a glimpse of the beauty and workings of our great God and King within her. One by one, she gives glory and testimony to the proof that we indeed serve a RISEN LORD.

Another explains the humility God has brought upon her, and she is grateful. In her embarrassment, she is able to see the graciousness of God and again, is so very thankful. We laugh, deep belly laughs with her, and I marvel. This quiet, reserved woman is able to offer her story up with joyful happiness over a most humiliating event.

We move through each story, each testimony, and each is the same, yet so different and unique. God is weaving His grace through each of our lives and is creating this beautiful masterpiece. I am truly speechless in response. Tears flow freely down tender faces. Tears that speak of years of heartache and sadness. Tears that testify of hardship and disappointment. But through those tears, praise is lifted up and glory is placed at the feet of Christ. How? Why? She utters her gratefulness over years of hurt, b/c it was through that hurt that she truly found her most precious Savior. She recognized Him sweeter and more faithful as she faced the storms of life than she ever did sailing through on a perfect day.

Another stands firm in the face of fear and claims the victory that her God has promised! She refuses to give in! She will not worry! She will stand with resolve before an enemy defeated!

I listen. I watch. These women God has created, chosen to be His own! We can come together, in the middle of our hectic, busy schedules, and we can offer up sweet smelling sacrifices to our Lord. We can praise Him together b/c we have seen Him. We have felt His presence. We have experienced His conviction. We have humbled ourselves under His authority. We have been embraced by the same Father. We are more than just women sitting around a table on a Tuesday morning. We are sisters. We are family, brought together under the most glorious name of Jesus! My soul sings! My heart skips a beat! This is living! This is testifying. This is good. I am thankful.

Transitioning…

2011-08-01T08:00:00.001-08:00

I stand in his doorway as tears fall freely down my cheeks. He is sleeping in his big-boy bed! My baby is no longer in his crib. The soft sobs shake my body. Where has the time gone? It is speeding by so quickly. I can barely keep up. These precious moments with these sweet little angels. They seep through my fingers like grains of sand…how I ache to hold on! Sometimes I want to capture this minute in a bottle and never let it go! Foolishness, I know. But the desire is so overwhelming at times. I don’t know why this moment caught me so off guard? It crept up on me…too sudden maybe? My sweet husband walks quietly down the hallway, embraces me in a hug as my tears stain his shirt. He holds me knowingly. My heart about the burst.

And then the Lord ushers in His comfort…so quickly that it almost steals my breath away. He gently reminds me that there is a way to make these moments last for all eternity. Count them. Number these seasons of grace and praise them back to Him. And so I hurriedly grab a pen start writing…

…548. little chubby arm, wrapped tight around his monkey love, satisfied grin playing on his lips…sleeping in his big-boy bed!

…549. deep, knowing embrace from husband standing in a darkened hallway.

…550. an aching hurtful heart, a reminder to count the moments, to record the graces God sprinkles throughout each day!

I will choose to walk slowly…to savor each breath as a gift, a treasure straight from the heart of my Savior!

A Legacy of Jesus

2011-07-21T07:18:00.001-08:00

He sits and watches. His family all around. His girls prepare the meal. The grandchildren laugh and talk. The great- grandbabies play. There is joy all around him. His family. Beauty, chaos, love, perfection. He smiles. He is content in this moment. Dignified. Wisdom. Years of life. He has given so much…and now he is seeing the fruit of his labor. God has blessed, and he gives thanks. His legacy is passed down through the generations. And he takes in the joy of the moment. God is so good.

We gather around the table, hands held tight as he gives thanks for all our many blessings. We all bow our heads and hang on every word he speaks. Wisdom speaking for all to hear. We drink in his words, we bask in this moment of togetherness. He says “amen” and as we gather our children, sit and begin conversation over our meal, I watch him. He sits satisfied, content, in peace. And I take note of the stillness of his soul. The quiet of his presence. A life lived so well. So full. And I long for this moment to last forever. I long to take this memory with me for a lifetime. To learn and to remember this Christ-likeness seeping into all around. This man has passed down a legacy of Jesus. We are here, because of him. And I am happy. I give thanks and count this moment, this minute, this breath a treasure.

"Be Still..."

2011-06-27T11:33:00.004-08:00

HE speaks my name. He bids me come. He whispers over my soul. He tells me to STOP. To just BE in His presence. "BE STILL"...He says. "CEASE STRIVING"... My heart is overwhelmed...He tells me it doesn't have to be.

So, I lay down my plans. I stop "doing" and I come. He offers peace. I am silent. I am quiet in His presence and my spirit is awakened. For NOW, my focus is on the Father. All this time, my attention and my worry has been on people, circumstance, problems. But now, in this moment, it is all on my Lord. And when my heart is steadfast on HIM, everything else grows dim in comparison. Just simple adoration. Simple gaze. He wants me fixed on HIM. The world will carry on in all her busyness and demands. People will continue to fail me and hurt me and disappoint. But when I loose sight of the prize and place that sight on the obstacles, discouragement will become paramount and this girlish, human heart will slip and fall.

So He asks me to be silent. He asks me to listen. To stop talking. To stop trying. He asks me to just be His daughter. Just be loved. Be a mirror of His glory. Be a vessel. Allow Him to pour HIS goodness through me.

"Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, FIXING OUR EYES ON JESUS, the author and perfector of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has set down at the right hand of the throne of God. " Hebrews 12:1-2

It's ALL About Him!

2011-06-10T22:22:00.003-08:00

He bids me come. And I come. He strengthens me and lifts me up. I fall. Again. And He lifts me up. Again. He is enough. When I am done...when I can't place one foot in front of the other...when my "giver" is just plumb "given out"...He fills me so full that joy and happiness seep out of every pore in my being! And I laugh! I twirl like a little girl dancing for all the world to see! I leap and I dance and I skip for joy for my God has supplied my ALL! I am full of Him and there is nothing wanting. Yes, my eye-lids are heavy. Yes, my body feels weary. And yes, my brain is fried! But my spirit is renewed within me! I can press on...why? B/c it isn't me anymore! "I have been crucified with Christ, nevertheless I live, yet not I, but it is CHRIST WHO LIVES WITHIN ME! And the life I now live, I live by the grace of the Son of God who loved me and gave Himself up for me!" Galatians 2:20

All glory and honor are His! Any good that is done in this life is b/c of Him. He supplies the strength, but He also supplies the good! He allows us to "do" in His name to 1.) Bring glory to Him...and 2.) to experience joy inexpressible! I am there this night. The joy inexpressible part...my heart can barely contain all WHO GOD IS! He is working miracles in the hearts and lives around me...I see Him transforming...molding...shaping...creating beauty that this world can not conjure up! Real, true beauty and my heart rejoices!

I love this life God has written out for me to live! The people He is bringing into my life...the excitement they have for the Lord...the growth and desire to see Him high and lifted up encourage me like nothing else! I am blessed! I am so happy!

A Summer of Thankful...

2011-06-07T22:11:00.002-08:00

A Summer of Thankful...

Great-Grandmothers...our Mamaw!

Standing at water's edge, peering in with amazement at God's creation.

Squeals of excitement...butterfly perched on shoulder

Fishing...

First Ice-cream cone...Toddler Delight

Throwing rocks in shallow river

A perfect summer's evening...fly-fishing alone in riverbank....

Bright yellow among a sea of green

Freedom flying proud

Lunch beside river's bend...sunshine beckoning life lived hard

Thankful pouring out of heart giddy with happy! I am one blessed girl!

A Summer's Prayer

2011-06-07T21:46:00.003-08:00

Deep exhale. After a long list of long days, I exhale hard. A lot. Good stuff, horrible stuff, convicting, mind-altering stuff, and then just stuff. Summer has been full already and it is only the first week of June. I do love Summer. I love the green grass, the full life of the trees, the blue blue sky, the clouds stretched as far as my eye can see. I love the color of the wild rose bush, the swarms of brilliant butterflies, even the yellow dotting the landscapes of dandelions! Even a weed can bring color and life to a cold, white world. Summer! I love the endless days (literally here in Fairbanks! Land of the midnight sun), no real schedule, friends over, barbecues, birthdays, lunches on the river, long walks, bike rides, camping, fishing, throwing rocks by the waters edge. I love how tired doesn't deter me from living life to the fullest! In the Summer! Sunshine beckoning me to live...deep exhales are a sign of joy and peace after a long list of long days.

And so I breathe in...breathe out. I enjoy the smell of summer...the sound of laughter floating in my window from children playing hard. Deep, content breaths of peace and happiness. Thankfuls all around. Creation singing out God's glory in the grandest form!

And on this summer's night...after a full day of loving my Savior, loving on His people, and giving til the end of me is near...I lift my heart in full, adoring praise that I am His chosen! I am His daughter! His blood covers me. And my prayer this night, as I bask in His goodness and grace, is that my life would be a reflection of HOLY displayed through flesh and bone. May HIS glory shine so bright...HIS beauty be mirrored from my face, my heart. My prayer is that this girl becomes LOST in the picture of SAVIOR AND KING!

A Choice

2011-05-30T09:54:00.005-08:00

Feelings of overwhelmed...so many things whirling around my head. So many responsibilities...so many things to be accomplished this day. Feelings of inadequacies...will I ever be enough? Can I raise these children the way that is pleasing to my Lord? Can I be the kind of wife that brings honor and glory to my King? I am tired. So very tired. My heart hurts. I feel so alone. Tears threaten to spill over...out of self-pity and self-despair.

Yet, I am reminded that this isn't about me. This life that God has given me to live. When I choose to focus on my problems, my chores, my to-do list, my my my...it takes the glory and majesty away from the KING OF KINGS and places the attention on "me". I don't want that...truly. Yet so many days are spent proving otherwise. I so often live self-centered...self-absorbed...and I fail. I fall. I loose focus completely. Life is but a breath...so short...in light of eternity, so small. But if I can change the focus off of ME...and place it on HIM...this small, short life has purpose greater than the deepest ocean, greater than the widest span, richer than the largest wealth. When I look only to HIM, CHRIST, and live my life waiting, watching, loving, listening, enjoying Him with all that I am...my life has meaning and peace that nothing can contend.

So, I choose this day to count...to number the graces that God has blessed me with! I will open my eyes to His mercies and goodness. I will praise Him instead of complaining about all that I "need to do...have to get done...or feel that life is pressing in too hard." God is so good and I will bask in that this moment. I will bring my hurting heart to the Lord and lay it down at His feet...so that I can be filled with His grace and shine forth His joy to the world! I must choose what feelings I will linger in...what emotion I will let control me today. And I choose God's grace...His goodness...His kindness...His Soverignty...I choose to rest in HIM...not me today!

Counting...

2011-05-23T09:12:00.004-08:00

My blessings abound. Learning how to count....truly.

Reflections of childhood in muddy waters:) Perfect bliss!

Colors of summer! Trees in full bloom after dark and cold of winter!

Sunday afternoon loving! Greatest adventure in toddler world...throwing rocks with daddy.

Sunlight sparkling in river's flow.

The bend of the river...how it twists and turns...

Mommy Blessings:)

2011-05-16T09:04:00.003-08:00

He is here, and my heart is happy. A weekend of children...of noise and chaos...and pure joy! They laugh and I feel HIM. They giggle and run and play and I sense HIS presence. They are HIS. I am HIS. We share the same FATHER...and in the fun and insanity of life, HE is near. My heart is pressed with His goodness and grace. I listen to their "pretend"...their hours of "play". A smile escapes the corners of my soul and in the moment of contentment, my mommy heart is filled to the brim and I want to dance and sing for the joy that God has given in the blessing of being their mother!

The world may shout at me to "BE MORE". Make a name for myself...be successful...have a career...make a difference...BE SOMEBODY! But the peace of my inner most being exclaims that I AM! I am fulfilling a dream God placed in me since I was a little girl. My name is mommy...and I am so happy! I love this life God has granted me to live. To raise these little people have made my dreams come true! To be married and serve this man whom God has given me, it fills my heart with joy and gives me reason to sing each day! God is good and I praise His name! I claim this life and will enjoy every second of it! The world can have it's pressure...it can keep it's lies of fulfillment and allurement of fame. I will glory in the role God has given me to live. I lift my eyes to heaven as I raise these precious treasures that are only mine for a time...and I will trust the Creator Himself to mold these tiny hearts into followers of the one and only TRUE KING.

My Friend...

2011-05-11T09:07:00.003-08:00

I watch her. This woman whom God has molded into a "shining light of His glory". I see her pacing back and forth! I watch her giddy with excitement. She has waited for so long for this moment...in only seconds her man will walk off that plane and back into her arms. She keeps looking at me, through the lenses, grinning from ear to ear! She is nervous...but the love that she holds inside comes bursting through that anxious heart of hers as their eyes lock! HE IS HOME! They embrace. Hands quickly interlock...holding tightly as if to never let go! The butterflies inside her stomach steal her breath. Yet, I watch peace settle and fear vanish! In this moment, all is right within her world.

Tomorrow will dawn early and fear will rear it's ugly head once more. Another biopsy. Another challenge. More questions. More waiting. But this time is different. This time they are a united force! They can, together, squash that fear with faith and trust in a God Whose timing is perfect, Whose Love is greater, and Whose Sovereignty gives anchor to life that they walk. The steady, unwavering joy that is bubbling up and over is nothing short of a miracle, a life surrendered completely to a Lord Whom she has entrusted everything too. She is confident...she is ready to face the day! Ready to laugh at fear and live her life to the fullest!

God's glory is radiating from this life. His goodness is seeping through every pore of her being! And I am encouraged. I love you April and count it an honor to stand with you in prayer and watch God work His wonders through your life.

Praying...

2011-04-25T21:50:00.002-08:00

A tragic loss. A military wife's worst fear becomes a reality. Gone. A life taken in just a breath. Sadness. Tears fall freely as we grieve a hero fallen. So selflessly he served. So selflessly he gave. And so selflessly he died.

I have never met this solider. This man who sacrificed his life so that I might live in freedom upon this soil. Yet I watch his family mourn. My heart hurts in desperate sorrow for the pain that comes from loosing someone so quickly and so sudden. A wife with a 5 month old baby. A brother. A sister. A friend. Yet in their grief, I see something miraculous. I see the GLORY OF GOD! For this solider fought in a battle much greater than this earthly one. He served a Commander more powerful than this fleshly army can afford. He served a KING. And not just any king, but the KING OF KINGS AND LORD OF LORDS! And when his earthly life was taken, he found himself face to face with the Creator Himself. What a glorious day! And I watch tears of sadness turn into tears of joy for this solider taken...transported to his final home. I see strength as this family worships that same King, only this side of heaven instead of there. I watch tears fall and I see peace settle over hearts lonely for this man who literally gave his all. I see joy gained as they lift their voices to Majesty Himself...proclaiming that God is still good no matter what the day brings forth. And my heart sings with thanksgiving so great that human minds can never comprehend what we celebrate! Only the Spirit provides the understanding...and in that, I find rejoicing so pure and delight so eternal!

My heart holds this precious family in constant prayer...for the days ahead will not be easy. Loss is never light. Fear threatens to steal the peace that they so desperately hold fast too. But victory stretches ITSELF across the heavens and my prayer is that God will keep them there...in the hard and in the good...Please pray for this sweet family.

Wesley's Birthday

2011-04-16T20:41:00.003-08:00

Well, my baby is 7 today! 7 years of being a mommy! I have loved every single second of this crazy dream come true! Wesley Travis Anderson. He is my firstborn...the angel that brought me straight into motherhood! I am so thankful for this boy. He is joy wrapped up in "manboy". He loves life with every ounce of who he is! He loves others and desires to see others happy! He loves Jesus. He is content. He is a giver. He is so tenderhearted. He sees the best in every situation. My heart could almost burst from the love I have for him. He strives to do well in everything he tries. I see him growing. My prayer is that he will continue to follow after Jesus all the days of his life. I pray sin doesn't overwelm him but he stays the course. I pray that his passion for Jesus far outweighs any other desire that springs up in his heart. I pray. I pray with all my heart that his little heart is strong in the Lord and in the power of His might! I PRAY! From now until forever, I will pray! And one of the best things of all...he is learning to be thankful! To speak "thankful". To write "thankful". To be "THANKFUL!" To LIVE THANKFUL! My heart is overwelmed with thankful for this little boy! Happy Birthday Wesley!

I love my man

2011-04-14T22:12:00.001-08:00

I do because he is cool.

God-Stuff!

2011-04-05T21:35:00.003-08:00

The last kiss given as I tuck little hands and feet into blankets "hot dog" tight...lights turned out...quiet meets me at the bottom of the stairs and I sit for the first time in my day. I feel myself exhale...I sense the stress of day lived hard...and I breathe in the lingering moments of grace day given. I ponder over the words spoken...the ideas birthed...the joy played out through young and carefree...I wonder if it was well lived. Did this day bring glory to my Maker? Did I honor Your Name above all others? Were my moments spent seeking You? Or did they lie waste to my selfish demands? My spirit trembles at the answer to those hard and hurtful questions. For I see deep...and pain writhes in the recesses of my soul. I confess. You forgive. I bow low. I give thanks. You give grace. I rejoice. You receive the glory. Glory for wonders mankind can never fathom creating. Miracle moments God-breathed and God-inspired! God-Stuff! Big Stuff! A heart changed. Forgiveness learned. Truth revealed. Relationship restored. A soul saved. A life birthed. Prayers answered. Timing perfected. Beauty formed from ashes burned. Selfish demands surrendered. Glory raised. Joy Found. Trust begun. The hard embraced. God-Stuff! And I sit as the last moment turns into the wee hours of tomorrow and I see You. I know You are near...working it all out of Your glory...working it all out for the good to them that love You and are called according to Your purpose. You are working! You are near! And my heart beats faster and my spirit begins to sing within for I know! I KNOW! How I know and how I rejoice! This day is God-given...and Your grace fills the time and spaces...and I shout my praise with ever fiber You have made up of my being. Praise You King of Kings and Lord of LORDS!

Turning a Mess into Praise!

2011-04-04T08:58:00.003-08:00

Broken, twisted, such a mess this heart of mine. Oozing over with grime and ick. Filled with selfish desires and plans...squeezing Christ right out of the mix. And I feel the hurt...the hurt that rises up and out...the hurt of a thousand confessions bubbling up inside. How the hurt suffocates! I can barely breathe. Before I even pour that first cup of coffee, before I open that quiet moment of refresh with my Saviour, my world is spinning out of control and my day turns to mush before my sleepy eyes. Tears blurr my sight as I try and scramble together the mess and spills...Oh Jesus, how I need You! And before the prayer escapes my lips, I know that He is there. I don't know "why"...for I shame His Name more than I can count...but He is there. He knows my heart. He feels my hurt. He is ready to make sense of the mess I've made. I know that I don't deserve it. I shrink away from His arms of grace. But He engulfs me in an embrace that only spirit and soul can comprehend. Peace settles over my heart. My mind is cleared for the moment...and His glory radiates from the inner recesses of my very core! I feel alive again...a feeling that I haven't felt in quite a while. Alive and JOY! Joy is leaping out of my heart once more. It has been hidden beneath the pain and hurt...the despair and depression. But Joy makes its come back and my heart overflows. Thank You precious Saviour for finding me...in the middle of my mess...for capturing my heart and shining Your glory through me! It is all about You and I am honored to be apart of Your story! Thank You Jesus!

Ceaseless Praise....

2011-03-17T14:25:00.003-08:00

Taking a minute to see...truly see.

Have you ever noticed the snow as it skirts across the road on a wind-driven day?

Or gazed at the frozen lake, covered in thick blanket of white, moon illuminating brilliant in midnight glow?

Have you ever captured the look of satisfaction on a child's face after he has conquered the mountain of snow in the backyard?

Have you lingered a moment longer than usual over crib of sleeping baby, a world of peace and contentment that we seldom realize exists anymore?

Or have you taken in the mountain silhouette displayed against a morning sky clear?

So many moments I have taken for granted...I have passed on by without the slightest thought. Moments that my God is displaying His grandeur for all to see, if I will just stop and LOOK! And when I look, I worship! God is honored and glorified. It is in the looking, the noticing, the naming, the counting that ceaseless praise is lifted to the God of the universe! So, keep counting and dancing His glory! He delights in our praises!

Counting Moments...

2011-03-16T14:19:00.003-08:00

We have been counting the moments here lately. This excersise has become a huge part of our lives. Stopping in the middle of something and just naming the moment. The kids have had fun with it and so have I. It makes us aware of our blessings as we live them out. It makes us aware of our God, and that we are living apart of something much bigger than ourselves. This counting, it has changed my life. I feel as if God has given me a new set of eyes...a set that sees from His perspective a little bit better. It has definetly slowed me down to breathe in the delights that He places in my path daily. Here are just a few of my favorites from the past couple of days...

So thankful for weekend wanderings...time spent with just our little family. Creating memories and delighting in the moment!

Thankful for the rays of sunshine that reflect off of barren birch in winter's mid-afternoon.

Thankful for little hands folded in reverent praise for all she has to be thankful for. It fills my heart to the brim and joy spills over and out in more directions than I can name!

Thankful for silly faces, friendships formed, and love that holds families together when miles and distance split us apart.

Thankful for joy that cannot be contained...happiness seeping out and exploding into every life this little guy comes in contact with!

And I'm thankful for a hillside dotted with Christmas, pine in deepest scent on cold, crisp day.

My list goes on and on. It is my favorite part of my day now...sitting and naming. Wes and I started a journal...we are at 218. It thrills my soul...this counting...giving a name to the moments I am so thankful for. Just thought I'd share this afternoon how it is changing me...making me more like Jesus. It is exciting...I challenge you to try it:)

These Moments...

2011-03-02T14:22:00.003-09:00

This moment...right now. This is the moment I am living. And how thankful I am. For breath...life...words...emotion...God designed it all so intricately and unique. Living blessings all day long. Basking in His moments, designed just for me, delights my soul. Stopping, and seeing. It makes time so still and glorious. Watching Him work...capturing His craftsmanship excites this tired, worn-out mommy. And it brings energy, passion, joy into my being. It renews my spirit...refreshes my soul.

And so, I set out...looking. I am searching for the time-stopping moments of delight. And the places where I find it are earth shattering. They are in the lone tree on side of the snow covered mountain...its shadow creating friendship...

The moment of boy playing in middle of white, chest high, and breathing in the joy through every smile.

The moments lie in snow caves and knee deep fluff, cold and wet. Afternoons filled with adventure.

Stillness amid the grand and glorious...sun-drenched, snow-covered, tall and lean. Pictures of beauty stretched high into blue...majesty raw in winter form.

Time standing still...my soul's deep breath...my heart calmed by life anew. It makes my spirit tremble to be surrounded by such great and good. The moment is sweet...and I am resting in it's promise.

Questions....

2011-02-25T00:40:00.003-09:00

Hot tears fall freely...it is midnight thirty and my world has just been shaken to it's core! My whole identity has been set into questions and I need answers! I need answers from a God who I place entire faith and purpose in! He is a good God! Right? He is Sovereign! Right? He is the Alpha and Omega! Right? He has a plan! Right? He set the world in motion...created...all is and was b/c He is I AM! Right? So, in all His creating...did He create bad? Where did sin originate? Where did the bad begin...where did it come from? All these questions circle through my mind...shake my steady ground of faith. Are we just puppets in His grand scheme of life? Do we have any choice in anything? B/c, in order to choose, means He isn't God. Right? Do we have free-will over the Creator Himself? Or did He create free-will? Or in creating free-will, did He let go of some of His God ship? I'm confused beyond belief! I've never questioned these things...they are complex and they set my world in chaos. I don't understand God. I've never claimed too. These things I know to be true....

He is God. He is Holy. He is good! He works all things for our good, for them who love Him and are call according to His purpose! He is Sovereign. He is in control. He has a plan. He demands our worship in all entirety! He demands an undivided heart! He also hates sin! He hates sin so much that He wipes out entire nations b/c of their lack of loyalty to Him. He is Just. He judges sin. He punishes sin. He forgives. He loves. He delights in His creation. We are His creation. He is the Creator. He creates to bring honor and glory to Himself. Because He is God. He desires a relationship with us. He created the means to have that relationship. He is Savior.

I love Him. I know Him. He knows me. I spend everyday of my life striving to know Him more. I can't get enough of His goodness, His beauty, His love. He gives me hope...in a fallen and sinful world...He gives me HOPE. He gives me LIFE. Life more than air I breathe but life with purpose! He gives me His Word...The God of the Universe spoke Words into being so that I may know Him and understand a small part of Who He is. He didn't have to do all this. But He choose to create! He gave me a mind and a heart and feelings and emotions. Everything about Him is good! He gives good. He makes good. He creates good. And I place my faith in the God of all this! I can't think of this good and amazing, awesome and mighty God creating BAD! Right? I won't allow Satan to steal my faith with logic and reason. I don't understand all of who God is...I don't understand why He allows bad to happen. But I do know that He uses the bad to create good. He uses the bad to bring people to their knees, in search for Him. He uses the bad to draw men unto Himself. He uses the bad to birth beauty. The bad is used for His glory just as the good and beautiful and spectacular and the miracle. That is what makes Him a God worth serving...a God worth committing everything too! A God worth laying everything down, to take up a cross and follow! To sacrifice my rights and will, and follow after all of the days of my life. This is my God. I know Who He is. And I serve Him freely! He isn't forcing my hand in service...but I dance on the streets before Him b/c my heart is so overwelmed with love bubbling up and over! How it all works out...I don't really know. All the logistics don't add up...in my finite mind, I don't begin to have a fraction of the answers. But I rejoice in the fact that I am HIS! He is MINE! JOY is in my heart...PRAISE is on my lips. My life has purpose...it is God alone. And whether here on this earth, or in Heaven before Him...I will give Him ALL the glory of all the moments of all the time I have exsistence...b/c that is why I exsist in the first place. And to think anything less is foolishness...He is God. Not me. It is so complex...this crazy life He has created. He is complex! But I thank Him that I have all eternity to spend learning and growing in my relationship with Him! Hmmmm....isn't God good!!!!!!!!!!! That is no question at all!

Only God

2011-02-23T08:47:00.002-09:00

Grace Lord...I find it on my knees. Bowed low, I feel Your hands soothing away the "ugly" as Your fingers caress my hair back from my tear-stained face. I am prostrate before You...and that is when I feel the highest exalted! B/c it is when MY will is broken, that YOURS is made complete!

In the wee early of the day, my sleepy heart is stubborn. My knees bow, but oh so reluctantly. I refuse to bend...I keep the mean and ugly tucked away in the back of my mind...choosing to revisit it...holding on to the hurt and nasty...wallowing in it like a sow in the mud! I trudge downstairs to schoolbooks open on morning table. Little hands rub sleep away...and prayer is lost in the rush of hurry. In my flesh, I snap. She hurts. I bark. Tears well in her big bright eyes. She tries harder but words cannot be read through pools of sadness. She stumbles over simple and grace seems to have escaped through the cracks...

And he is putting dishes away steps beyond our reading time...he is joy-filled...singing as he works. And it bursts my concentration...and I snap again. And I watch his joy drain from his face...and God gently shakes me...whispers over my selfish ignorant heart...and I know. It is time to do a little knee duty. I bow before my boy, I ask for forgiveness, humbling this proud heart of mine. He smiles. He embraces me. He forgives. His joy is restored. She comes bounding around the corner and exclaims in joyful triumph, "I forgive you too". We all bow before the Forgiver Himself and give thanks. Thanks for forgiveness, for joy, for restoration. Grace. In a moment of fleshly "rotten"...He swoops down His grace of good and transforms our moment into beauty! Only God.

Grace Moments...

2011-02-17T14:10:00.003-09:00

So here I am...and I am in a daze of wonder...can I do it? This challenge to "count the moments?" To find grace in all? Can I live this "giving thanks in all things?" Ann Voskamp's book..."One Thousand Gifts" has moved me outside of myself. The idea of putting names to moments given to me from the Creator Himself...the idea of slowing down time, capturing it really, and numbering grace...1,2,3,4,5,...587,588,589,....all the way to 1,000. I've begun. And in just a short week of time, my life has become transfixed, transformed! I am changing...time is slowing down...beauty is swelling all around me...the ugly is finding its spot in the beautiful God intended. And my eyes are opened. My eyes are opened wider than ever before. I am seeing truly for the first time in my whole life! His Love has captured my heart, stollen my soul, and taken me to a place I never want to leave! My days are becoming more than just "another day". Moments are filling and spilling over with majestic and inspiring and earth-shattering AMAZING! Joy is upon me and has taken me by force! And why? B/c I am learning to "give thanks always...in everything...in the good and in the bad...especially in the bad...b/c who am I to label a moment good or bad anyway? All moments are given by the One who gave the breath to breathe...so that makes all moments GRACE MOMENTS! I am growing into a girl I've always dreamed of being...a girl who is happy and excited and filled with overwelming JOY!

Friends and Family...please take this challenge. Buy the book! Read the book! And start today..."pray without ceaseing...giving thanks always..."

I would love to meet Ann one day...to throw my arms around this woman who opened her heart to the world and let us watch God move in and work miracles! She has inspired me and encouraged me more than I could ever thank her for. What a precious treasure she has given...allowing God to work through her and her struggles to show us...me...what it means to TRULY give thanks!

Just a Regular Day...

2011-02-07T14:07:00.003-09:00

A regular day. Monday. Aother week. But God did something this morning that stirs the inner places of my being. He turned my "ordinary moment" of a day, into an "extra-ordinary miracle" of grace. He is God. He is in control. My world spins in a thousand different cirlcles all at once, yet He finds order and beauty and wonder right in the very center of all my "crazy". And He gently blows His sweet kiss of peace straight into my heart. And I catch it. I bask in it! That peace that leaves the world spell-bound. The peace that man-kind can not comprehend. The peace that He lovingly floods hearts with. That peace, He kissed me with today. My "regular Monday" miracle.

And although the turmoil still swirls around me...the friend still battles with the unknown...Cancer still rears it's ugly head and fear threatens to steal away that precious Kiss...God remains faithful and control remains in His hands alone. Two heads bow together in the middle of a kitchen. Tears stream down faces as voices are lifted to heaven. And God ushers in His Holy Spirit and in a single breath, my little kitchen floor becomes holy ground as we seek the Father in unified togetherness. We don't know what tomorrow will bring forth. We can't see into the future. But Peace Himself has whispered into our hearts...and we know. His love washes over and seeps into the secret places of our very souls! We are comforted. His miracle. His kiss. His peace. His comfort. His girls!

"Regular days" can be some of my favorite ones.

One of "THOSE" Days.

2011-02-01T14:38:00.003-09:00

Today has been, well, one of "THOSE" days! Nothing of significant chaos happened...just your ordinary, crazy, mother of three little ones, homeschooling all morning, kids fussing, spilt milk, favorite shirt dirty, step on a tack kind of day!

The worse part of the day, is that I let it all get to me. I caved. I gave in to the temptation. I lost my cool, I stressed out, I gave in to worrying about the little stuff! And I hate that part of me! I took my eyes off of Him...and let them rest on the trivial, petty, passing mess. I snapped at my children. I was short with my husband. I was grumpy with my Lord.

I tried "pulling it together". But the harder I try, the worse the day goes. Why? I figure b/c I am trying on my own...not humbling myself to the awesome presence and strength of Almighty God.

And the, right when I thought I was doing okay...that the day was "shaping up"...my oldest child goes and vomits in the grocery store! (talk about being humbled) Do I laugh or cry? It was like God was saying..."Sweet daughter, you don't have ANY control. So, surrender already!" Guess what I have spent the rest of the afternoon doing? Yep, surrendering my will, my mind, my heart, my words, and my spirit over to the One who holds it all together in the palm of His hands.

But the most humbling part of the entire day was this...right in the midst of me acting like a spoiled toddler, pouting and stomping my foot b/c my day wasn't going "as planned", my youngest, Lukey, who is 18 months, wraps his chubby little arms around my neck and whispers in my ear..."Wuv oo Mama". Then he sported his "cheeser face" and ran off to play with his brother and sister. In the middle of my foolishness, my family still loves me...still accepts me...and forgives without question. "Those" days turn out to be some of the best learning days God gives us. So, I encourage you to embrace your "mess"...and let God use it to mold you more into His most precious image!

Reflect the SON...

2011-01-31T08:58:00.002-09:00

Be like the MOON...Reflect the SON today.

Little Faces

2011-01-28T18:50:00.005-09:00

These are the faces of my life.

These are the little faces that I go to sleep dreaming about, and awake thinking about every morning.

These are the faces who consume my prayers.

These are the faces that God has entrusted to my care. How I love these faces!

How these little faces humble me in ways greater than I care to admit. In these faces are such honesty, purity, and faith. These faces trust without question. They believe without doubt!

These little faces forgive and forget...no matter what happens, they are so willing to let it go and love unconditionally!

These are the faces that inspire me to live daily for my Creator! I don't want to mess these little faces up! I want to live out a love much greater than human minds can comprehend in front of these little faces. I want to show them the WAY!

My prayer for these little faces is that they will grow deeply and passionatly in love with Jesus. I want the only thing of true importance in these little faces to be their awe-inspiring devotion to the Maker of Heaven and Earth.

These are my favorite faces in all the world. My heart could burst sometimes b/c of the overwelming love I have for these little faces! Thank You Father for allowing me such precious little faces to love, to enjoy, to spoil, to teach, to mold into Your image. May I never take these little faces for granted!

(Oh, and I'm kinda fond of the big face too! He is one awesome daddy! He plays a huge role in these little faces lives! So thankful for this man of God! These little faces are blessed b/c of him!)

Leave it and Trust....

2011-01-28T07:32:00.003-09:00

I have fallen once again. I have failed...miserably. I ask for an answer...and He is faithful to give me one...yet I take no heed. I run ahead instead of following close behind. I take the lead away from the Faithful Lead. And in the midst of my "striving" and "doing"...I mess things up in grand fashion! If only I had of stopped. If only I had of kept silent. If only...but all the "if only's" are lost in the middle of my tears. I acted without trusting. I, once again, took things into my own hands and thought I could handle them better than the Creator of Heaven and earth. The Maker, the Life-Giver, the Lover of Souls and Changer of Hearts...did I really presume that I could make anything better than HIM? Of course not! But my actions prove otherwise. My worrying and fretting got the best of me...and standing in a foot deep of muck and mess, I can hear the gentle shake of the Master's head.

STOP BLAIR! "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him...and He will direct your paths!" Proverbs 3:5-6.

This I know...it resounds in the deeps of my soul...yet my foolish heart got ahead. I didn't like His timing...and I made a mess of His plan.

Forgive me Lord. Please create beauty from this mess I've made. I surrender. Wash over me. I lay it back down...I NAIL it back down...cuz I know that I have a tendency to "pick it back up" and try and carry it on my own.

I love You Father. Thank You for loving me...because I know that I don't deserve it.

All For His Glory!

2011-01-26T20:07:00.003-09:00

Another week ended...a new one begun. So many emotions lay raw on the surface of my heart. Tears have spilled endlessly...prayers lifted without cease. A life lived with such grace and beauty, has now been promoted to heaven, to dance with the angels and sit at the feet of Jesus. In one single breath, a life is removed from this earthly shell and is eternity bound...forever in the presence of the One who gave that breath and took it away! A blink. A vapor. A breath. And it is gone.

Our dear and precious friend, Linda Freel, went homeward to be with our Lord Saturday morning. In life, she glorified her Savior daily. She lived out her faith with love and passion. She loved her family, her husband, her friends, and her students with a love much greater than herself. She was devoted to prayer...to praising her King...to sharing her faith with a lost and dying world. She lived Christ. "For to live is Christ, and to die is gain." We will miss her but rejoice that her faith is now sight!

Her life was lived to show others The Way...and in her death, God's glory was revealed much greater than human mind could ever have imagined. In South Korea, it is almost unheard of to donate organs. Linda was an organ donor. She was able to save the lives of 4 others through donor transplant. The Korean media was so inspired by this story that they asked to broadcast her story on their main news channels. In her death, 50 million people were able to hear the gospel message!

We may not understand why God does what He does. We may not understand His timing. We may not understand His ways. But one thing we must understand is this. We were created for God's glory. His glory alone. And all that He does is to reveal His glory...to show His glory...to make His glory known! Linda lived a life honoring God...allowing Him to make His glory known through her life. And in taking His daugher home, God used her life, even in death, to make His glory known.

I praise our God that He is soverign. He is in control and I trust that. No matter what I don't understand...I understand that I love this Creator who designed the heavens and the earth. I trust in Him with all my heart. He is God. This is His story...and I am just a part of His eternal plan. So I will live this life giving Him the glory that is due His name!

(Thank You Mrs. Freel for the life you lived, the life you dedicated to making His Glory Known!)

Praying...

2011-01-20T13:43:00.002-09:00

My heart is heavy. Tears fall freely as I type my thoughts out...legs crossed...computer in my lap. My world is quiet for a brief moment...but my mind whirls in constant prayer!

A dear and beautiful friend, Linda Freel, is lying in a hospital bed thousands of miles away fighting for the very breath I take for granted. Yesterday morning she was laughing with her husband, her son, her friends. Her mind was filled with thoughts of the day, preparations and things that needed to be done. Her heart was filled with tenderness towards her Savior, love for her husband, and prayers for her children. It was just another ordinary day...until...until...

Linda suffered a brain aneurysm yesterday morning and is struggling for life. The doctors have given her little hope...her family is waiting...watching...hanging on. It is a tragedy! So sudden. No one was prepared...how do you prepare for something like this anyway? Her community has banded together in prayer! Her friends and family stand watch, waiting to see what God has planned for this precious daughter.

But in the middle of everything, I give thanks. I thank You, Jesus, for a woman who has lived her life with faithfulness and love for her Creator! I thank You, Lord, for a family who has dedicated their lives to further the gospel to the ends of the earth! I thank You, God, for the Freels! They have impacted so many! I see in them You, sweet Savior! Your goodness, Your grace, Your awesome and tender mercy! I see in them a perseverance for their faith! A family who lives each moment to bring You glory, to make You known!

And so...as my spirit grieves and hopes all at the same time...I will put my trust in a God who created the heavens and earth! I will trust in His faithfulness, His miracle-working ways, His sovereignty and might! And just as the 3 Hebrew boys stated to the kind in Daniel 3 "If it be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the furnace of blazing fire, and He will deliver us out of your hand, O king. But EVEN IF HE DOES NOT, let it be known to you, O king, that we are not going to serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up." May we rise up and give God glory! For whatever He chooses, He is God!

Make Your Glory known this day, most holy God!

You Are Here...

2011-01-18T14:50:00.002-09:00

My soul is hushed by Your Spirit's roaring whisper. I feel Your embrace of peace nestle softly over my heart, blanketing me into Your heavenly promise! You are here. In this room. IN this moment. You are here! I feel You breathing Your life into my very existence! Every heartbeat is inspired by You alone! You are here. And as my fingertips dance over these keys, I give You glory and praise for this life You have given me to live. I lift up a song of adoration for Your presence that is upon me now. Because this life would be nothing, without your constant presence, guiding me and molding me into Your daughter of royalty.

Thank You for this moment of quiet fellowship this day. In a world busy with rushed hurry, it delights my spirit to sit at Your feet and drink You in! This moment of being here with You make all the other moments joyous and remarkable. Why? B/c I am able to carry Your glory to each corner of every other minute in my day and sparkle from the splendor of being in Your presence! Thank You sweet and precious Lord!

Watching Him Fight The Battles

2011-01-15T08:21:00.002-09:00

Exodus 14:14 "The Lord will fight for you while you keep silent." God was speaking this morning through His Word and I had to humbly give Him glory! Sometimes we ask for an answer yet we don't like the one we get! It is hard to stand aside and allow God to do the work, when we in our hearts want so badly to "fix" things...to "change" the ones we love! But God is into the "miracle-working" buisness! IT is one of His specialties! So why do I, in my lowly and humanly ways, think I can do anything on God's behalf? He is the miracle worker! He is the Lord! He is the Lover of Souls, the Changer of Hearts, the Drawer of man! It is He alone Who can call men unto Himself!

I can live out His love! I can intercede on other's behalf! I can gently and faithfully follow Christ in front of the ones I want to see changed! But I can not change them! Only God can! "He will fight for me while I keep silent!" That is a hard one for me! I like to talk and explain and express and persuade! And I don't like to wait! I want to see that change RIGHT NOW! But God has His own timing...His own ways...and they are much higher and more lofty than my own!

So, this girl is gonna wait on my Lord! I am gonna pray and seek Him with all my heart! I am gonna watch Him fight the battles while I keep silent and worship Him! And all the while, the passion in my soul will be set aflame, and the stirring in my heart will be ablaze...and I will fall more madly in love with Him each second of each and every day!

There You Are...

2011-01-08T09:20:00.004-09:00

In a world where sin reigns all around...where schedules and "to do" lists fill our hearts and minds...where we are always looking forward to the next big event as our moments slip by unnoticed...in a world where we seek after our own interests daily while pretending about the cares of those around us...we fail to see God in all His glory! But He is there! He is daily showing off His majesty...and as His creation screams His glory... the question remains...do we see? Will we take the time to "Be still and know that He is God!"

The past 10 days were amazing for me. My sweet husband took me to Hawaii and while I was there, God did a fresh and miraculous work in my heart! He spoke...and I listened! And He revealed so much...this girl has a lot of changing to do! But I am excited...I am ready!

And There You Are, Precious Lover Of My Soul...

...in the mighty wave as it crashes against a rocky shoreline, showcasing Your POWER AND MIGHT!
...in a break in the clouds, where Your glory comes shining through like a rainfall of LIGHT!

...in the intricate beauty of a single flower, so diverse and divine!

...in the way You show off Your love for uniqueness and splendor as You dot the mountainside with splashes of thousands of colors!

There You Are, Precious Lover of My Soul...

...in the brightly colored red-headed bird, as he hops, pauses and sings out his "tweet" as if to say JUST TO ME..."Yep, we were both created just for HIM! Isn't He grand!" And then flys off to parade his beauty to another bystander needing a quick reminder of the glory of our Creator!
...in a picture of perfect serenity beckoning my soul to a peace which surpasses all human understanding! ...in the vast expanse of the last orange sunset as it sinks silently behind an endless sea of waves, bidding farewell to another year gone by.

...in the colors of pink stretched across the first sunrise of a new year...welcoming all possiblities and providing hope for better things yet to come!

There You Are, Precious Lover of My Soul...and my prayer is that I am always seeking Your face. May I bask in Your glory and live every breath proclaiming Your Name to the ends of the earth.

Merry Christmas!

2010-12-21T21:59:00.003-09:00

Christmas! It's here! I love this time of the year! It is my all time favorite! And one of the biggest reasons why I love it...there is so much joy! Almost EVERYONE shares a little more, loves a little harder, gives a little more freely. Smiles aren't bottled up...songs are sung without apprehension...others are placed before ourselves! But most of all, Jesus is ever present in our thoughts and hearts! We celebrate His birth! We remember His death. We rejoice at His resurrection. And our souls long for His 2ND coming! There is unity. It feels as though all the bad and ugly, all the worries and strife's, all the stress and pettiness melts away for a brief moment and we come together to acknowledge that there is a God, Whose plan is bigger than our very existence. His Son was sent to redeem our lost and sinful souls. We submit to the purpose of furthering HIS KINGDOM, not our own. And nothing this world throws at us can replace our eternal home, where our Heavenly Father waits with open arms! It creates such excitement within me that I don't know how to express the joy flowing through my veins! JESUS!

Christmas! Celebrate our Savior! Celebrate like never before! His story is so beautiful. And His story was conceived for salvation of you and me! Unworthy sinner that I am....I hold a place in heaven b/c of our mighty God's unfathomable grace! Praise His Name! Merry Christmas!

Wesley's Day

2010-12-18T20:59:00.002-09:00

There are so many posts I want to write...so many things to catch up on! It feels like it has been so long that I was away from blogging! But that will have to wait for another time. Right now, I have to brag on my sweet son! Wesley Anderson is one of the sweetest, kindest, tender-hearted children I have ever met! He loves people! He loves to make people laugh, make them happy, make them smile! He is the biggest help! He never EVER complains about helping me out at home, with the other kids, or doing WHATEVER needs to be done! He is constantly thinking of others first...his sister or brother...me or Daddy! My heart feels like it will explode sometimes for the joy I feel just being his mom!

Today we dedicated the WHOLE day to Wes! Since my surgery and Travis hurting his leg, we have had to depend on that boy more than any 6 yr old boy should be depended on! His responsibilities tripled and he never batted an eye! He rolled with it and even had fun with it! He learned to change diapers (seeing as changing diaper requires 2 hands), do the dishes, fold laundry, pump gas, and the list goes on! (of course all of these activities were supervised:) But it blessed my heart to see him jump right in and do what needed to be done, just b/c we needed it! We didn't have to threaten or bribe him...he willingly served! So, once we were feeling better, we told him we wanted to honor his servant's heart and reward him with a day filled with whatever he choose to do! He was beside himself with excitement!

Our day began by sleeping in this morning:) Then we all went to see the new Narnia movie! (great movie) After that we took him to Fred Meyer to spend his Christmas money from Nana and Grandpa! (that was a BIG hit!) After which we had some lunch and went downtown for Winter Solstice with Daddy to watch him play banjo! The kids got to sit with Santa and take pictures! We then played Putt Putt golf, and Wesley won! After that we ate dinner, at Wesley's request, at Chili's! And to finish off the night we watched the fireworks downtown! It was a perfect day! I am so thankful for my family! Each child God has blessed me with is so special and unique...and I couldn't imagine my life without any one of them! Thank You Lord for my family! And tonight, I thank You especially for Wes!

Winter Wonderland!

2010-12-13T12:28:00.002-09:00

One of the greatest parts of living in Alaska is the snow! We LOVE IT! We love to play in it! Daddy, Wes and Emmy spent the greater part of one afternoon building this new friend! They had so much fun! Isn't he the cutest!

We really enjoy riding on our snow-machine! It is cold though! BRRRRRRRRRR!

/ We all wanted a ride!

It was too cold for Lukey on the snow-machine but he had a blast helping daddy shovel the driveway! He really thought he was big stuff!

And I can't keep this little guy out of the snow! Just walking from the house to the car he will purposely fall into the snow, eat the snow, sit in the snow, run in the snow, hide in the snow, or throw the snow! This child is ALL BOY! He is such a stinker! This is him making his infamous "Cheezer" face! I love it!

The 2010 NutCracker Ballet

2010-12-13T12:05:00.002-09:00

We have a new tradition! Every Christmas season, we take Emmy to the Nutcracker! It is so much fuN! We (meaning me, my mom, and Emmy) get all dressed up, go out for a nice, fancy dinner, and then to the ballet! It is great! Emmy Grace LOVES it! She looks forward to it all year long. Now granted, we live in Fairbanks, Ak...so it isn't the grandest ballet in the world...but they do a nice job for out little town.

Here is Emmy all dressed up ready to go to dinner and the ballet! So excited! Doesn't she look so grown up!
Mommy and Emmy Grace! Emmy said I was as beautiful as Mrs. Jennifer! Not a princess, but Mrs. Jennifer! She thinks the world of my sweet friend!

Mimi and her girl! She loves my mom probably just a little bit more than me! Mimi hung the moon in her book! It blesses my heart to see the joy in their relationship! My mom is the greatest Mimi in the world! I'm glad that she got to be apart of this night with us!

We met up with a friend of mine, Molly, and her sweet little girl Jaime! Emmy Grace and Jaime are great friends! They were all dressed up together and danced the night away every chance they got pretending to be "sugar-plum fairies" and beautiful "dancers"! Love it!

Us Girls! We had such a fun night! I think the greatest part wasn't watching the ballet, but watching Emmy's reaction to it! It brought joy unspeakable to my heart! I love being a mommy! And I love having a little girl in my life!

Im Back!

2010-12-10T22:35:00.002-09:00

Well, here I am again! Finally back! It has been entirely too long! But you see, when your writing/typing arm/hand is operated on...it delays blogging and emailing and journaling! It has been torture to me! But I am finally on the mend...and feeling much better! Still in a splint, so these next few posts may be short, but I wanted to update our last couple of months!

I did have surgery on my arm. For Carpal Tunnel syndrome. It was painful and NO FUN! But I have been learning alot! Sometimes I believe God wants to strip all control away from us so that we will look 100% to HIM! I haven't learned painlessly...for so many times I go kicking and screaming! I resist the awesome work God wants to do in my life...fearful of the unknown. But through much prayer and encouragement from some very dear friends, God has begun speaking to my heart once again...and my soul has felt alive like never before!

This is my ulitmate favorite part of the year! I love celebrating! LIfe, Joy, Christmas, Family, Worship, Jesus! It is the best of all best! I feel the "party" all around me! It inspires me to live to the fullest! And it is so beautiful to celebrate with my children! The pure delight of every mystery unveiled...the light as it shines in their eyes as we tell stories, sing songs, bake cookies, give gifts to friends, eat and enjoy family and friends! I have so much more to write...but this will have to do for tonight...sorry to have been away for so long:)

Horses in the Snow!

2010-10-31T15:21:00.003-08:00

Wes just finished up his riding lessons for the year. At 22 degrees, it is a bit chilly to ride horses! But he did! And he loved it! He just told me that all he needed was a couple of extra pair of gloves for his hands and he would be just fine! We love his lessons, all the kids have a blast playing while he rides! I'm so thankful that he has had this opportunity! He will resume riding in the spring. Until then, we will be doing swimming lessons and x-country skiing lessons! So excited for all that God has allowed us to do!

Daddy and Luke watching brother ride! LUKE LOVES the horses!

We got to ride Jewls bareback! He did really good, until he fell off! But no problem, he just got back on again. He blamed it on his slick snowpants! It was kinda funny...only b/c he didn't get hurt though!

Hello Mr. Horse!

Taking the horse back to the pin! So much fun! I'm so proud of my little guy! This is his favorite hobby right now!

Longing...

2010-10-28T10:34:00.002-08:00

Have you ever longed for something so heavily that words could not explain the feeling so deep inside? This morning as I sit writing, thoughts of Korea are on my heart. How I loved it there! That will always be a special place to me! I love serving overseas! It is a passion within my soul that only God could have ever set aflame! And it is funny, b/c in "serving" overseas, I have always been "served" far more than my heart could have ever given! God has used those times in my life to break me, mold me, completely remodel my heart into something that resembles more of Him! Why there? Why not here? I've thought of those questions many times...sit and pondered within myself. Here are a few conclusions I have reached...

1. I think being away from your home country makes one vulnerable in ways never before experienced. You are no longer on your own "turf". The language is foreign, the soil is foreign, the culture and people are all different that your "normal". You are FAR from your comfort zone...and it puts you in a place sensitive to God like never before. You are depending on Him in ways that you never have thought necessary. He is all of a sudden, needed EVERY step! Literally!

2. You have chosen to forsake what is "home" to venture out and fulfill the "great commandment." Yes, I know that you can do that here, in the states as well. But when you are willing "go" to a foreign land, you are making a choice to be uncomfortable. So, when the discomfort comes, you expect it. You even smile in the midst of it. B/c you are right where God wants you to be and YOU KNOW IT! Living here, in our normal day to day lives, we forget that we called to "be set apart". We loose focus of our calling to tell others the "good news". We get caught up in "getting ahead"...in "making a name" for ourselves...in climbing ladders...gaining riches...attaining status...bettering ourselves, that we forget about the KINGDOM PURPOSE that all of us believers are called unto!

3. We are on an adventure! All of a sudden, our normal life has taken on this great and crazy adventure! Everything is "different". Fascinating! Just venturing to the grocery store has become a wild excursion! I believe your senses are heightened! You take in everything as new and exciting! All of a sudden, grapes and oranges are the grandest things b/c of the unique and cute packaging! You are eager to drink it all in...eager to learn and experience life in new and wonderful ways! Talking to strangers is a fun and challenging undertaking! You smile at everyone you see, b/c you are different! You notice them noticing YOU! You stand out! And for the first time ever, you love it!

So why is it, that in our own neighborhood, we try so hard to "fit in". We want to even "blend in". We don't want to stand out...we walk with our heads down trying to make it back to our little homes unnoticed and untouched. We don't want to talk to anyone...we are selfish with our time! Smiling and engaging strangers is the LAST thing on our agenda! And heaven forbid we become FLEXIBLE! We have our schedules...and they must be met! Lord help the ones who get in our way!

4. And one last conclusion I've reached is...COMMUNITY! That is something my soul longs for daily! The feeling of community you have overseas in a Christian environment is unbeatable! I have been on many mission trips in my life, and that is one of my favorite things by far! The feeling of connecting with other believers, the joining of hearts, the unifying under the Spirit of God...nothing in all the world can top that! You are all there with one heart, one purpose! You share in each others joy and triumphs, and weep in sorrow for each others struggles and failures. Friendships are formed for eternity! Real, honest, truthful relationships are built and love is formed that knows no end!

These are just a few thoughts that I have been reflecting on this morning. God has been BEYOND good to me! He has allowed me to be apart of His work...here and afar! He has allowed me to meet some of His favorite children...and share in their lives here on earth! He has woven friendships within my heart that will stand until eternity! And the precious souls that He has used to help mold me into His most glorious creation...let me just tell you..."we are gonna dance together on those streets that are golden!" We will one day worship our King, hand in hand, before His very throne! I am so thankful that I have had the privilege of knowing you this side of heaven...and I can't wait for the day that we will...."join in the song of the Lamb!"

"Gearing" up!

2010-10-26T13:25:00.002-08:00

Hormones, how I hate you some days! The past week has been "not so great" of a week! I have been down! Depressed! Sad! Out of sorts! Normally, I am a pretty up-beat kind of girl! I roll with the punches and can get out of a funk pretty quickly. But my latest "funk" has lasted all of a week and I am NOT liking it at all! I felt like I couldn't get my "happy" rolling! I prayed, spent some time with my friends, chatted with my momma, hung out with my hubby, laughed at my crazy kiddos, but inside I felt icky. (I am also a HUGE people person!) So, when being around people didn't help me...I just sat down and cried! A good, long CRY!

And then, after about an hour of so, I determined..."THIS HAS GOT TO COME TO AN END!" No one wanted to be around me...goodness, I didn't even want to be around me.

So, this morning, I woke up early with the very intent of laying some stuff down on the alter! I needed this "pity-party" feeling to END! And glory to God, it did! I was reading in Eph. 6 and realized I hadn't put the "armor of God" on in so long. My defenses were down...Satan was throwing all his fiery darts my way and I was getting slammed at every turn. So, I had a "gearing" up moment...and peace and joy flooded my soul! And let me tell you, this day has been wonderful! Every dart cast my direction has fallen short...cuz I am protected, aware, and ready to face those giants head on! What a wonderful feeling...to claim our victory and WALK IN IT! Thank You Lord!

Just like Dad

2010-10-21T20:31:00.003-08:00

"I want to be just like Daddy!" I'm kinda glad this kid has got a good one! Love this picture!

I Love You Lindsay!

2010-10-21T15:26:00.003-08:00

Friends are wonderful! The fact that God is a relational God thrills my soul! And the fact that He made us women relational excites me and inspires me! I love relationships! Whether old or new...young or aged...near or far...relationships are the heartbeat of my life. People are my hobby! I love to talk and to listen. I love people's stories! You can always see God's design, just listening to people's joys and failures...their victories and blessings. God is good...and I love to discover His thread of goodness in the lives around me.

And today, as I was busy at home...doing school with the kids, baking cookies for Bible Study tonight, folding laundry, cleaning the house, organizing toys...I finally had a minute to sit and look at my blog. And one of my favorite things happened! I had someone who left a comment on things that I had written. See, I love to write...as if you couldn't tell! This whole "blogging" world is so much fun for me...b/c it gives a glimpse inside peoples inner-most parts of their lives. People blog about all sorts of stuff...and I love reading the stories...the recipes...seeing the pictures of their precious little people! It is a joy! And...I love to write about my life too...to have an outlet to release my thoughts and prayers. SO...When someone comments on my writing...it is like Christmas to my heart! Like unwrapping a present! Even if that person doesn't agree with what I have said, it is still fun to communicate! And today, one of my dearest, sweetest friends commented TWICE! It blessed my heart to no degree! I love you Lindsay! You encourage my heart so many days! Your blog is always God-honoring...your life is spent loving on the precious loved ones around you. I count it an honor to be called your friend. How many days have I spent praying for you, Rodney and Jeff. I just know that if I lived closer to you girl, we would be "bosom buddies". For your passionate desire for our Lord inspires me and draws me closer to our Creator! So, I just wanted to give a "shout out" to a very dear girl who gave me reason to smile and rejoice today! Thanks Lindsay Sublet!

Snow

2010-10-18T21:58:00.003-08:00

It's late. THe world is asleep. All is quiet. Still. Peaceful. And as I look out my window, it's SNOWING! Perfect snow! Big, fluffy, snowflakes floating from the sky! I love the snow. There is little else that compares. The actual snowfall is unbeatable, HANDS DOWN! To stand in an open field, and look up at the big sky as the snow falls all around you...there is nothing like it in the world. That moment is perfect! It is serene. To stand in the falling snow...everything else disappears. The noise of everyday life is left for just a moment...the world is hushed. You can feel the pressence of the Lord as He enjoys His great creation. You can almost hear Him laughing in delight over the magnitude of the beauty He designed!

Tonight was the first snowfall of the year...well, the first TRUE snowfall. It just keeps falling...covering everything. I couldn't stand sitting inside. I know it is late, and the kids are sleeping, but I just had to be out in it! So, I bundled up and went and played in the snow! Yes, by myself...it was a moment my soul needed! And in that moment, I felt God's loving arms engulf me! He surrounded me with the most perfect, complete, and awe-inspiring hug I have ever been apart of! I felt Him! I heard Him. In the stillness of the night...I heard Him shout my name in the Whisper of my soul! He loves me! He created me! And he created this night...for me and Him! One of the most amazing moments of my life.

God is Light...and in Him there is no darkness at all!

2010-10-15T22:08:00.004-08:00

What kind of stand are you willing to take? Do you stand upon the Word of God with passion and faith...willing to bend for no man? Do you stand firm? Or are you wobbling...fearing a fall at the next breath of disagreement? Truth is raw! It isn't watered down, smoothed over, or socially acceptable. It is what it is! God's truth is what will set us free from the snares of this world. His truth alone is what will bring us to glory!

Why this sudden definition of truth? Well, every year around this time, the discussion of "Halloween" becomes a topic of choice. People take all kinds of stands on this subject. Some hate it, others embrace it, some LOVE it, others ignore it...but few are willing to define it. Well, for the sanity of my own soul, I need to define it...and here is my outlet!

The origin of Halloween wasn't intended for evil. It orginated in Scottland and Ireland. The original purpose was innocent enough. But, that was LONG ago...and we are responsible to respond to what it has become today. We say it is all fun and games...a time to dress up and have a "good time". We, as parents, don't want our children to be the only ones on the block who don't get to participate in trick-or-treating. It is harmless right? Purely innocent. BUT...the reality is...it ISN'T. In our day and time, this "holiday" is intended for all kinds of evil. To convince yourself otherwise is foolish. 1Timothy states that..."Perfect love casts out all fear. And that God has not given us the spirit of fear, but of love and of power and of a sound mind." Halloween lives to create and instill fear into peoples hearts. All the way down to the decorations...it is intended for evil...NOT FOR GOOD! We can justify our sweet little children's costumes of Peter Pan and Cinderella...and say that we are not representing "evil"...but the fact is, participating in this day is teaching our children that it is okay to overlook the wicked all around us, instead of standing against it and living out our calling to "Be set apart from the world".

We need to open our eyes...look around us. What this "holiday" promotes has NOTHING God honoring about it. The movies, the decorations, the costumes...and that is just the commercialized part. Let's not overlook the truly disturbing aspects...the pure evil and satanic realm that is so easily ignored...but VERY much carried out. Satan has a field day with this "holiday" b/c we have chosen to close our eyes to what is represented and even take part!

The Bible doesn't come straight out and say..."Halloween is a sin." But it does say that "witchcraft" is...any kind of "sorcery" is a sin. Our fight is not against flesh and blood...but of a spiritual realm that we can not see with our eyes...at least not all the time. But it is there...at war always.

When I was 7yrs old, we lived in Texas. A small town. My dad was a pastor of a church right off the highway. My brother and I played out front everyday. Until one day. The police came to our front door and warned my mother that, just down the road, a practicing cult had plans to kidnap and sacrifice my 5yr old, blond hair, blue eyed little brother for Halloween. They did something like this every year...on October 31st. And this year they had targeted my brother. PRAISE God we were warned. But we lived in fear for a time...not allowed to go outside...fear. And even though God kept my little brother safe that year, another child was killed in honor of this grand "holiday". Fear paraded it's ugly self in fine array that year. How is that God honoring?

I had a second cousin who seemed to have it all together. She was a beautiful girl...full of life. Until one day, on October 31st, she drew a pistol to her head and fired the trigger. She had dedicated herself to Satan. She had gone through a ceremony...a satanic ritual... to become his bride. She killed herself so that her soul could go on to live with him forever. She had been blinded by the darkness that seeks so earnestly someone to consume...to devour.

Many things take place this night...many things that we choose to ignore and pretend doesn't exsist. But the "face" of this holiday says enough...it defines itself.

Evil. It is out there...all around us. We must stand and claim our victory.

I am passionate about this...but I am not trying to "push" it on you. This is where I stand. This is how I want to raise my children. To love the truth. To dance in the LIGHT. To stand firm against Satan and all his ploys...to resist him and know that he will flee. It feels good to be different...to have purpose. It is lonley sometimes...not many agree. But it is okay. Walk in the LIGHT. Leave the darkness behind...all forms and all it represents. Because..."GOD IS LIGHT! And in Him there is no darkness at all!"

Judging Others

2010-10-09T17:02:00.005-08:00

Judge. We all do. Some of us more than others. Some of us louder than others. But we all take part in something that NONE of us ever should! God is the ultimate Judge...the only rightful ONE. He is the only One who has the accurate ability and reason to do so. He is the only One who looks into our heart. 99% of assumptions are wrong! We judge NEVER knowing everything involved. Oh, we might have a pretty good perception of the situation, but we can't see motives, or hearts, or souls. Yet, we throw our opinions around like they actually matter...and they do matter...but mostly only to us. And we say hurtful things b/c it makes us "feel better" or makes us think of ourselves a little better than someone else...at least for the moment! We enjoy the judgement...just so long as it isn't cast our way. Funny though, the ones who judge.

...there is always someone out there ready to cast blame, dish out judgement, throw their stones, or see the speck in their brother's eye. But, my thought for the day is why don't we stop. Why don't we start spending all that time we USED to spend thinking of what others are doing wrong, and use that time to reevaluate our own lives. Spend that time praising Jesus that He is not just the Judge, but our LOVER and MASTER as well. I think that our lives would be holier if we did that. B/c judging someone else takes the spotlight off of me...and as long as we can keep the light on someone else, we don't have to look inside our own hearts and see what God is telling us to change, to correct, to repent of, or to celebrate in! I judge...I do. But I am trying to change that...to love others and when tempted to cast judgement, to pray for them and ask God to reveal to them what He sees fit! Awww...life gets alot sweeter with that perspective! I promise!

2010-10-07T12:37:00.002-08:00

We are more than the choices that we make. We are more than the successes that line our memory wall. We are more than the failures that people seem to always remember. We are more. We are more than the reflection staring us back in the mirror. We are more than the status people label us. We are more than the relationships that define our days, our moments, our years. We are more. We are VICTORIOUS! We are CHILDREN OF A KING. A KING who rules the heavens and is coming back for this earth! We are rescued, saved, chosen! We are more than the sin that entered the world with our first cry! We are a royal preisthood, a chosen generation. We are a people who the God of this universe created with His very own breath! We are worth HIS Son dying to bring us life! We are covered in the blood of a perfect, sacrificial LAMB! We are HIS!

So, let nothing else define you. Let nothing else steal the miracle that you were set aside to represent! B/c friend, you are HIS! I am HIS! And b/c of that, I am more!

Colorful Smiles

2010-10-06T14:43:00.003-08:00

Lately I have been sick! Just plain, awful, yucky sick! And depressed! Depressed b/c I have been sick and felt horrible. But just when I think I can't take another step...just when I think life is gonna get the best of me...just when I am ready to throw in the towel, the rain stops pouring. The sun breaks through the ugly gray clouds. And God smiles the most amazingly colorful smile known to man!

1 Corinthians 10:13 "There has no temptation taken you but such as is common to man. But God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above what you can handle, but will with the temptation make a way for you to escape that you may be able to handle it." Thank You Lord for Your Word. Thank You for Your truth. I love you Jesus.

A Purpose, A Plan, A Future

2010-09-25T08:29:00.002-08:00

God is in control! His ways are much higher than my ways. His thoughts are much higher than my thoughts. He sees the beginning, the middle AND the end. I only see where I am at the moment. He sees into my heart, my mind, my soul. And He also sees into my neighbor's heart, mind and soul! He is working...moving across our land...sweeping through streets, our schools, our churches, our workplaces, our battlefields. He is touching lives, piercing hearts, convicting souls. He knows what He is doing.

His plan for my life is not complete.

"He's still working on me.
To make me what I ought to be.
It took Him just a week to make the moon and the stars,
The sun and the earth and Jupitar and Mars.
How loving and patient He must be...He's still working on me.

There really ought to be, a sign upon my heart..
.DON'T JUDGE ME YET I'M AN UNFINISHED PART
But I'll be perfect just according to His plan
Fashioned by the Master's loving hand."

He has a purpose for me. A plan. And praise His name, a future. I am just a work in progress.

And so is my neighbor, my friend, my children, my husband. We aren't perfect yet. But one day. We ought to judge accordingly...to remind ourselves everyday that we will be judged by the same measure we judge others. He is in the progress of perfecting us...but that progress just isn't complete yet. Praise His Name!

A Blessed Suprise!

2010-09-22T13:36:00.003-08:00

Have you ever had a rush of emotion flood over you TOTALLY unexpected! Today, as I was looking on facebook, I saw that my brother had posted his new pictures from his recent trip to Kenya, Africa! They were AMAZING! Beautiful, raw beauty! And as I viewed his magnificent photo album...feelings I haven't felt in years came bubbling to the surface! My eyes quickly filled with tears and my heart ached with an ache that only God can muster up!

15 years ago, God called me to Africa! It wasn't a loud, mighty voice. But it was a compassion so vivid and real that nothing could shake it! I wanted to go...to discover why this yearning in my heart was so pressing, so overwhelming! I began to research and found an organization that sent teenagers on mission trips all over the world. It was Teen Missions International. (One of the grandest groups out there!) So, after praying and receiving a DIRECT answer from the Lord, I went! It was the most glorious experience of my life. From the first penny raised, to the final landing of my plane back in Memphis, TN...I felt the presence of the Lord. I immediately fell in love with that country. The people, the culture, the simplicity of life, the exotic beauty of nature untouched! It captured my heart and captivated my soul! I knew God would bring me back to that place one day...I left knowing there would be a return.

But since that time...many things have happened in my life. I graduated high school, moved to South Korea w/ my family to teach internationally, met and married an AMAZING man, have had 3 children, and am currently living in Alaska! Our lives are filled with fun and adventure everyday! I am thoroughly blessed and thankful for the path God has led me down!

So, in having a family and being married to a military man, I placed my desire for missions and Africa to the side, but praying that one day God would lead me down that path again! I firmly believe that God can call us to specific places or avenues for certain times...and then redirect when He sees fit! I love being a mother! I love my husband and love being his wife! It brings fulfillment to my being that words cannot express! God created me for this role! And I bask in the blessing of it all! But deep inside, there is still this burning passion to "Go and tell..." I still long for a life of complete abandonment and simple faith! I do live it quite frequently now...raising children and being in the military...it is a definite mission field! But Africa...my heart is connected to that place! I can't describe how I know...other than hearing the voice of God!

And today, as I looked at those pictures, I heard Him again! He CONFIRMED it in my spirit! HE said my name again...just as He did 15 years ago! I cannot begin to tell you the encouragement and celebration that flooded every fiber in my body! To know that He put the dream inside my heart...and the dream is still alive! We don't know our futures...we can't predict what will take place...but we can hear our Father and rest in the promises He gives. My heart is at peace...my mind is fixed on Him. I can't wait! The future will unfold as HE WILLS...but you can be sure of this fact...I WILL BE APART of that unfolding...cuz He whispered His promise over me and He is TRUE! I love it! I love that I am apart of something bigger than eyes can see, or ears can hear! I am apart of HIS STORY...and today, He gave me just a glimpse of how I will fit into it! Praise His Name!

Tired but Smiling.

2010-09-19T22:01:00.002-08:00

It has been a week! A week of the good, the bad, and the VERY ugly and VERY beautifuL! How can so many different, wonderful, yet horrible things take place all in the span of one week? Yet, standing at the end, I look back and thank God for every moment. He is good! Period! Despite the drama and the headaches, despite the stress and physical exhaustion, God is good! He never changes. My circumstances change daily...but my God remains the same! He is loving, He is kind, and He is in control!@ OVer it all! And so my day can end in peace...even though the world around me is spinning out of control. B/c my God IS GOD! And He can hold even mess of chaos in the middle of His gentle hands! But not only hold it, He can shape it, and mold it, and fix it, and make it into something beautiful! And that is what He has done...with this mess of a girl...praise His mighty name!

HIM!

2010-09-11T23:06:00.003-08:00

It's time to stop...deep breath....and look within. And without. What is our purpose? Why are we here? Time is just a moment. Eternity is breaking over the horizon...just a heartbeat away. Our souls are waiting to break free...free of this gravity-bound, self-seeking, pleasure driven, now. Forever is beckoning us to jump in, feet first, completely and passionately forsaken to It's call! The call for reckless abandonment. To let go of all of who we are, and embrace a destiny bigger and more amazing than this world could ever hope to offer. It requires us to reject "comfortable, normal, socially acceptable" and embrace a life of "different, absurd, and challenging." Yet, it promises "JOY, PEACE, ACCEPTANCE, LOVE, CONTENTMENT". Our applause will no longer be from this world. It will be singular. The applause of heaven will billow much louder than the fading echos of human approval. And in that moment, our lives will have purpose. We will discover why we are here. We are here to bring glory to a Creator so Majestic that earth cannot keep Him contained! A God so holy that the angels cannot speak His name. A Father so loving that each tear of every child lies bottled in the palm of His hands. A Savior so giving that His scars bear every sin we have ever committed. We are here to shine His goodness and holiness to a lost and dark world...to people who are hurting and alone. We are here to be a mirror of His plan.

So shine. Mirror His Love. Reflect His glory. Fade out of sight. May our agenda be nothing less than His alone. Free yourself of trival worries and cares. Embrace His Kingdom purpose. Let His light radiate out of you. And when it does, bask in His goodness. Empty your vessel, so that He can fill it up with all of who He is! You will not be disappointed. He will shine, and you will reap a blessing. HIM.

Beauty

2010-09-09T15:10:00.004-08:00

The whole world was made for romance! A Romance between a God and His creation! He unfolds His great romance with beauty that surrounds. Beauty so pure, so glorious, so overwhelming that words can not do justice.

Exquisite Beauty

Raw and Adventurous Beauty

Glorious and Captivating Beauty

Life-breathing and Joy-Giving Beauty

Intricate Beauty

Unembarrassed Lavishness

Generous and Abundant Beauty

Unique and magnificent Beauty

Ripe, Lush, Exotic Beauty

A Beauty that our God and Father created for us to enjoy and live abundantly within! He is passionately "wooing" us into His love! Look around at His extravagant measures. His grandeur speaks of His majesty! Fall in LOVE! In love with the creator of Beauty itself!

Be Comforted!

2010-09-09T14:56:00.002-08:00

"For the Lord Himself will descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are alive and remain will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the LORD in the air, and so we shall always be with the LORD."

1Thessalonians 4:16-17

"Therefore comfort one another with these words!" 1 Thessalonians 4:18

The Band Plays Proud

2010-08-31T15:13:00.002-08:00

I am so thankful for the country we live in! I am thankful for our freedom. Seeing the flag waving proud always brings a sense of gratitude and appreciation in my heart. And there is something about a military band...marching tall and strong...representing our men and women who give up their lives, their rights and their freedoms to keep ours in place! And when my husband is the leader of the band, I can't help it, but tears flow shamelessly!

He is such an amazing man! One who shows integrity in all he does! One who loves and honors our God! I am so proud to be his wife!

So, this is just another parade, in small town America, where the flag waves high, the band plays proud, the people clap and cheer. A small picture of the glorious freedom we share in the land we call the United States of America.

Thank you to all the soliders and their families out there who sacrifice more than we will ever comprehend! God is good and faithful! Thank you!

Coughs and Bless-Yous!

2010-08-31T15:05:00.003-08:00

Emmy exclaimed in the car yesterday as we were driving home from Mimi's house...

"Mommy, I think I am getting sick! I have a lot of coughs and blessyous!"

I just had to verify, "What do you have?"

"Alot of COUGHS and BLESS YOUS!"

That girl makes me smile everyday!

Busy

2010-08-29T21:35:00.003-08:00

Busy. No time. Fleeting moments. Stuff. Craziness. Hectic. Insane. Busy. All words we use to describe our lives. All excuses to smooth over why we don't call, why we don't "stop by", why we don't read our Bibles, why we don't email a friend, why we don't keep in touch, why we don't blog, why we don't pray, why we don't reach out to others, why we don't make amends, why we don't take deep breaths, take long walks, inhale the scent of the rain, drink in the beauty of the passing flower, or be still before our Creator. Busy.

But with what? Life? That is what we say. The daily grind. Routine. Work. Kids. Church. Ministry. Bills. All of which is probably 100% accurate. All of those things HAVE to get done. They are all on our list of things to do. Everyday. And they keep us "B U S Y". But what of the things that waste our time. That steals our moments for pure NOTHINGNESS. The minutes that we waste being lazy. Filling our minds and hearts with foolishness. T.V. Internet. Shopping. Games. Mindless, numbing, wasted minutes in the scope of eternity. How do we categorize those moments in our lives. We don't ever use those excuses to explain our "busy" lives. But they are there. We are accountable for those moments as well as all the other noteworthy, accepted, and ones deemed "worthy".

I believe our lives wouldn't be quite as BUSY if we were to line all our moments up to the light of eternity. We would manage our time better. We would take longer walks. We would spend greater time with our Savior, conversing and learning of Him. We would enjoy creation more than our gadgets and technology. We would look for God more in the sunrise and the oceans waves and the morning dew and the brilliance of the night sky. We would dance in the rain and laugh more over spilt milk. We would be "quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to wrath." We would love more furiously and judge less viciously. We would hear the whisper of the Almighty in the stillness of a moment to precious to let pass. BUSY would become AVAILABLE. And though our minutes in our days would still be filled, they would be spent soaking up all of the life God has blessed us with.

Just a thought from a VERY BUSY GIRL. But how this girl longs for more.

"Dear Lord, fix my mind on eternity. And let all else fall to the wayside. Use me for Your glory...and erase all my busyness with quiet, peaceful, reflections of Your plans, Your purpose, Your desires. I'm Yours! Fill me! I'm here."

A Great BIg God!

2010-08-25T13:37:00.004-08:00

Has life ever spun so wildly out of control, that to hold on isn't even an option anymore? The craziness of the world's demands reaches an ear-piercing scream...and you are left frantically drowning in a sea of panic and despair. What we once knew to be good and normal and sane, has turned upside down and there is no longer any sense left to be made! And we are sinking...falling...tears streaming down as our precious grip of control slips right between our fingers. We know it is over...life can never be put together again! How can God TRULY make any good of this mess we have found ourselves in? He is big...but this has to have reached His limits! Right? Have we forgotton so quickly? THe God we question is the same God who splashed color into the sky...Who sprinkled the land with flowers and the sky with stars!

HE is the same God Who gave the swan her mate for life!

He created the giant grizzley to sleep all winter, knowing just the right amount of food to store in his belly til spring!

He placed the moose in one of the coldest enviroments on the planet, to not only survive, but to live and thrive!

HE spun this great wide world to cycle through year after year, season after season, all working according to His plan! Creation was His idea alone!

And yet we question His ability to take care of us? A speck, a vapor, a fleeting moment in the span of eternity...He choose us! To love us! To delight over us! He gave His Son on our behalf! And there isn't one second that escapes His gaze! Not one minute does He turn His back and forget we are there. Not one day can pass without His graceful hand guiding us, directing us, protecting us! Nothing is too big for our God. No problem can He not deal with. He is soverign. He knows. He cares. We are His! Forever!

He can't take His eyes off of us! He loves us too much! So throw the worries to the wind...because it is the Maker of the Universe who is holding our hands, smiling over every breath we take!

Our Heavenly Daddy

2010-08-24T13:00:00.005-08:00

How blessed are we, as children of the King, to have a Father who loves us beyond our wildest imagination! To stand before a throne as a heir to a kingdom that we were brought into with acceptance and grace! To know that we haven't done one thing to earn our citizenship to this most holy place. In all of our eagerness and excitement...we come rushing in to this life demanding our rights and waiting for our rewards. In our most earnest desire to serve and worship our beloved King, we still fall short in our understanding. Even in our worship and adoration, we still need our Father's hand, guiding us and teaching us each step of the way! And how patient He is...to lead us. How gentle He is in His direction. HE truly delights over us!

Watching my own sweet children fish with their daddy, it brought a picture to this amazing concept. "If our earthly fathers give to their children, how much more will your HEAVENLY Father do for His children?" Such beauty!

I watched as Daddy patiently threw in cast after cast. He wasn't bothered by Emmy's dancing about or singing loudly. He didn't get irritated when Wes would throw that occasional rock into the river, scaring off any fish that could possibly be interested in that little lure. He was there to show those babies how to catch a fish! He wanted them to grasp the excitement and thrill it was to bring in your very own fish! Sure, He knew what he was doing...and how it could have been done more efficiently if they had not been around. But he loves those two so much...and he wanted this experience to be theirs as well as his. He couldn't wait to see the wonder and amazement in their eyes as they reeled that first fish onto shore!

Then, as Daddy reels in the little guy, carefully taking the hook out and showing the kids exactly what he had caught, they were truly filled with amazement. And how funny it was to see them boast in that first fish as if they had done the work...all the while their only involvement was just observing.

But that was all it took! Wes couldn't WAIT to get in on the action himself. Daddy knew this would happen. He had taught them well. So, as we gain confidence in our role as children of the KING, we want to do things ourselves. Yet, always knowing that our Daddy stands nearby...watching...observing...making sure we don't fall off course or screw things up TOO badly! He never leaves our side! And lo and behold, we catch on! We begin to see the "fruit of our labor". We enjoy the kingdom and all it is and all it contains! We understand more clearly who we are and why we are here.

Yet, all the while knowing where we started, Who it is that holds our hands and guides us in the way. For as we begin to gain our footing...our Daddy is fast at work...teaching and directing and leading the smallest of babes in the way everlasting.

How our Daddy delights in our sweet faces. He knows every hair on our head! He catches every tear that is shed. And He captures every smile that dances upon our lips. He loves us with a love so full of beauty and splendor, our hearts and minds can never fully comprehend.

So... as we go about our day... playing in the rivers and streams of life...enjoying creation and all it has to offer...may we never forget....
That it is our HEAVENLY DADDY who holds us tight, loving on us, protecting us, keeping us safe in HIS arms when the world around us grows too big, flows too fast, and rages so deep that our our feet can not stand! It is our Daddy who will carry us safely home!

Relationships...

2010-08-15T18:58:00.002-08:00

Relationships are a funny thing. I think that is where God has me right now...learning and enjoying so many wonderful (and interesting) relationships! Through relationships, I have come to see the heart of Jesus! He was all about relationships. He had parents, and siblings...friends and "best" friends. He had those He reached out too, those He enjoyed, those He probably chose to enjoy despite who they were at times...He walked this earth living out relationships everyday all day! But He also made time for the dearest and sweetest relationship of all to Him, that was His Father's! That was the relationship that strengthened all the rest...the one that fueled the others along! Without His relationship with His Father, the others wouldn't exsist.

And that is where i am these days. That is what I am learning...that no matter how many people are in my life...no matter how many people come and go...if I am not putting my relationship with my HEAVENLY FATHER FIRST, I am no good for all the rest! I love people! All of them. If you asked me what my favorite hobby was, I'd say "PEOPLE". Talking with them, listening to them, laughing and playing with them! Worshiping with them. Praying and crying with them. People give me energy! Their stories are all testimony of God's goodness and grace! From the smallest of people to the oldest, their lives are gifts from the Lord...and I treasure the time I get to spend with each! From Maverick to Memaw...and all in between...I love relationships! Y et, sometimes, I allow these AWESOME relationships to consume me...I forget the Maker of the relationship, and allow the drama and problems to crowd the purpose of relationship at all! The glory and honor of Jesus! I lose focus...or misplace it maybe. But in the end...I get stressed out...I have no answers...I feel overwelmed! And life begins to not make sense anymore!

But thankfully I serve the Relationship Maker...who gently whispers my name. He draws me back unto Himself. He comforts me. He refreshes me. He leads me back into the relationship that gives life and purpose to all the rest. And I am found. I am whole. And life once again makes sense! I can once again enjoy the people that fill my days and my time. I can bask in their success, and mourn in their loss. I can offer the HOPE from the ONE who fills my nostrils with breath, and frees my heart to sing! And no matter how complex the relationship may be...or how easy that one may be to love...I no longer do it on my own! I do it with the wonder from on HIGH! I do it through the most amazing relationship known to man...the one between a sinner and a Savior!

Emmy's FAVORITE Gift!

2010-08-15T10:56:00.003-08:00

Emmy with her new bike helmet! IT just had to be "princess" related! She is a princess no doubt!

Her first ride on her new bike! SHe did pretty good!

Pretty as a Princess! She loves that bike!

I'd have to say, out of all the many gifts Emmy Grace recieved for her birthday, her favorite one of all was her BIG GIRL BIKE! Nanna and Grandpa sent her birthday money and this is what we got! SHe LOVES IT! Thank you Nanna and Grandpa!

A Cinderella Party

2010-08-15T10:41:00.002-08:00

Emmy's 4th birthday was a Cinderella Party! She is pretty much OBSESSED with princess stuff at the moment...so we went all out! She had a BLAST! And so did mommy! I love having a little girl, who I can dress up, put bows in her hair, and spoil her rotten! And she is truly my girlie girl! I love it!
Her friends all came dressed as pretty, pretty princesses as well. Us girls, we sure do love getting dressed up! No matter what age!

Happy Birthday to You! My sweet Emily Grace AndersoN!

We even made princess wands to go along with the theme! They were so cute...and yummy too!

This was her Cinderella cake! My sweet neighbor friend made it for her! She was IN LOVE with this cake...she had a hard time allowing her friends to eat it!

My sweet girl with her Mimi! Wes couldn't bear the thought of attending a "Princess Party" so we got him and a friend of his the "armor of God" costume...the boys were true "Knights" protecting all the pretty princesses at the party! It was the cutest!

We had such a fun day! I love how my children are so different. I get to bask in each of their fun and unique personalities! And I love them all for who God is making them to be. They are growing up so quickly though...and as each stage brings so many joys and celebrations...I pray it doesn't speed too quickly by! I love my babies...they make my life complete! Being a mommy is one of the greatest rewards in life.

The Invasion!

2010-08-15T10:31:00.002-08:00

I woke up early this morning and as I was cleaning up the house, I had to snap this picture:) Wesley was playing with his sister yesterday and this is what it looked like:)

Jedi Knights protecting the princess castle as the green army guys try and seize the day!

It was quite the invasion! We even had a transformer!

It just made my heart smile. Wesley Anderson is all boy! No matter what you do, no matter what his situation, he comes out shining ALL BOY! I love that little guy! And I am so thankful! He is always "protecting" me....or shooting the "bad guys". He knows names of all animals and the guns you use to bring those animals down! He is his daddy in the making! And I love it!

Cookies:)

2010-08-03T16:20:00.003-08:00

We are a cookie-loving family! I love to bake! It is one of my favorite things to do! So, in entertaining friends...baking is always a must! And it is so much fun b/c the whole family gets involved! Yummy Mommy! This icing is SOOOOOOOOOOOOO good!

And we can't leave Luke out anymore...he knows when there is sugar involved!
We even get Daddy involved...he was out "fixing" stuff, but he took some time out to come in and help decorate cookies! That man can do just about anything!

This face is just the cutest thing Ever! And he knows it!

See, you can make ANY EVENT fun! Especially when there are sweet faces and sweet icing to be had! Just another fun day at the Anderson household!

The Moment to Live All the Other Moments For!

2010-07-30T16:50:00.003-08:00

Time slips by so fast! To "savor a moment" is almost unheard of anymore. Who has the time? We are so busy running from here to there, doing this and that, preparing for what is next and hurrying through what is now. Looking back through my years, I see so many missed opportunities to breathe in the precious moments of the story that God has given me to live! I may have the photos to document my presence during those moments of life. I can smile and remember...being ever so thankful! But to "live" those moments again, that is gone forever. The challenge to "live each day to the fullest" is misinterpreted as "do as many things as possible in the shortest amount of time given."

But my soul aches for YOU, Jesus. I long for time in Your presence. To sit at Your feet and marvel at Your goodness. A smile from Your lips. An embrace in Your arms. Your strength to soar on wings as eagles. Quiet, still moments that shake my very existence. Joyful celebration that burst the doors of my heart wide open! I've felt Your presence so many times. It is a feeling like none else. It leaves me spell-bound and speechless. I enter in, timid and in awe...I leave changed and stripped bear! Your splendor, Your majesty, Your awe-inspiring power leaves me begging for more!

I can't wait! The day that shines brighter than all the rest in my heart. The day I long for with all faith my heart can ever know! The day that I stand before You, Lord. To be physically in Your presence. I don't know how much "standing" I will be doing though:) To fall at Your feet in complete gratitude and thanksgiving. Or to dance as David did! To sing and praise the Name above all else! Eternity will stretch before me...and time will be endless. Oh what a GLORIOUS day! It is a moment to live all the other moments for! So live I will! I will live with eternity in mind...surrendering the flesh, and obeying the Spirit!

Oh to be a Kid Again!

2010-07-19T23:54:00.002-08:00

Do you ever re-live your childhood through your children? Oh come on! We have all done it once in a while! It is so wonderful...i think one of the greatest joys of being a parent! You get to be a kid again! Emmy Grace's birthday is coming up in just a week in a half! She will be 4! Can you believe it? I can't. My sweet little angel, who God knew this family needed, will be turing 4 years old! She is SO EXCITED! Funny how kids think that a year older makes life SO MUCH more fun and adventurous! We have been planning her birthday party for a while now. And tonight, while everyone else went to bed, I snuck out and made a Walmart run. Nothing exciting...until I started looking at birthday "stuff". I had so much fun buying Princess cups, and hats, and goodie bags, and sprinkles,and sparkles, and wands, and toys, and the list goes on! I came home with 4 bags of "stuff" just for the party alone! She is going to be so excited! This mommy was so excited! God DEFINETLY knew I needed a little girl. And I can't wait to throw her the prettiest little party she has ever dreamed of! Birthdays are the best...and a princess party for my sweet baby girl is going to be so much fun! I can't wait to post pictures...but for now, just thought I'd share my fun time walking the local Walmart at 11pm at night...dreaming of pink and purple and sparkles and fun!

His Will

2010-07-16T08:11:00.003-08:00

Why are we so stubborn? Why do we insist on our own will and way, when we know in the deepest of our heart, God's is so much better! Even when we don't understand...we may think He is being unreasonable or just pure CRAZY...deep down, we know that His outcome always outshines ours! Why? B/c we know He is faithful! That He loves us more than our human minds can comprehend! We have seen Him work ALL THINGs for our good! He has proven Himself OVER AND OVER again! And for CRAZY? Well, we all know that those are the exact moments that He chooses to BLOW OUR MINDS AWAY!

Last night we had a complete stand still with our youngest, LUKE. That little boy, who has captured the hearts of all who see him...who lights up the room with the biggest, cheesiest smiles you have ever seen, that little boy is one stubborn kid! If he gets it in his mind that he doesn't want to do something, he WON"T! No matter what we do, or say, or no matter what bribes we throw his way, he stands his ground!
Travis and I were trying to get him to open his mouth so we could see what object he had put inside yet again. We coaxed, we pleaded, we demanded, we waited, we tried to pry that little mouth open, and all to no avail! He clamped that mouth shut and he wasn't going to budge. He refused! We had his best interest in mind...we didn't want him to swallow anything that could harm him...we love him and are only concerned for the best...but none of that mattered to my 1yr old last night! For a couple of minutes, he had the power. (or so he thought) Travis and I both were getting frustrated, worried, upset. And I wish I could give a grand ending to the story...but I can't. That little sucker swallowed whatever he had in his mouth and then SMILED! We were baffled! His little sin-nature had won out, and he was delighting in it. We popped him on the mouth and explained to him that what he had done was wrong. Now how much of all that he understood, I don't know. But he knew that he hadn't "won" after all. Daddy's pop to the mouth hurt his feelings so bad. He cried and cried! But daddy and I, seeing the tears fall freely, knew that, for his own safety next time, had to relate to this litte guy that disobedience required consequence. It wasn't fun for any involved. But Luke crawled over to us, climbed up in our laps, and laid his head down on our shoulders. He was saying sorry. We loved on him and cuddled that sweet baby! No matter what "wrong" he may do, we will always love him. He is ours! We will wait patiently for him to see the "right" and choose good. And when he doesn't, we will still be there, waiting with open arms to love.

It just made me think of my relationship with my HEAVENLY FATHER. Why do I buck His will? Why do I close my eyes sometimes and pretend He isn't there? He doesn't make me obey. He doesn't bend my will for me. He waits (probably much more patiently than I did for Lukey) and is standing with arms wide open. But how much do I loose out on in the process? I've faced consequences to my "sin". And it hurts. Yet, time and time again I try and fight His will for me. When I finally do surrender there is nothing but joy and celebration. I praise Him for the illustrations He places all around us! He is so relational! We are blessed!

Little Miracles!

2010-07-14T16:17:00.002-08:00

God is so amazing! He is working 24/7 all around us! It is us, with our little finite minds and hearts, that fail to notice! But just this week alone I have seen our Maker working his miracles all over! I have a very sweet friend who went in to Providence on Monday to deliver her little girl, at only 27 weeks. She had cervical cancer and it was spreading. 27 WEEKS! That is so early! With hearts fearful with the unknown staring them in the face, they walked forward in faith! They were trusting in a God who isn't bound by timelines or statistics! They set their minds and hearts on an outcome that would bring God the most glory possible! They knew that He loved that little precious bundle much more than they ever could and trusted in that love to see them through! And, with much prayer, little Shiloh was born at 2 1/2 pounds but breathing on her own! She has a long road of recovery awaiting her, but she is already growing and developing with only the strength that God supplies. Mommy and Daddy are doing great too! What a testament to His grace and mercy!

And then, just a few miles up the road, another sweet friend delievered her first little angel just a few hours ago! A healthy and vibrant baby girl! As I held her little blessing, I marveled at the majesty of our Creator! How He truly weaves His miralces all across this big, wide world!

And then, sitting here typing on this computer, I look in the faces of my own little people! Each of them are so unique, so different! I see their strengths and weaknesses already being developed! The joy of listening to them pray and seek God on their own levels. Miracles sent straight from heaven! I am in awe of the beauty of our great King!

So this day, I choose to stop doing, and sit and marvel! I choose to meditate on His goodness! I will sit and ponder the grace He has poured out all around me! I will delight in His many blessings! I will stop in the midst of the busy, crazy moments that swirl around me everyday...and I will breathe in the sweet aroma of a God who causes the flowering bud to bloom, and at the same time, causes a newborn babe to cry! He gives life in the smallest, intricate ways...and He sounds the trumpet call as the impossible comes to life! What a mighty God we serve!

And He is Off Again!

2010-07-09T08:44:00.002-08:00

Friday Morning, and when most are excited about the upcoming weekend, I just sigh! Travis is off the Anchorage yet again. Summers here are so lovely, but a bit lonely! Still, I am happy and thankful that he is off to Anchorage and not Iraq. At least I know that he is safe. But I miss that man. God has been good to us though...and through being apart so often...we have learned to truly value the time we are together. I have learned a WHOLE lot about letting the little, petty things go and embracing the quiet hours of sitting and talking, or just being in each other's arms. That is one sweet man...and I am completley and utterly thankful for the opportunity to spend the rest of my life with him!

So, on this BEAUTIFULLY sunny Friday, I think I will stop feeling sorry for the prospect of spending my weekend alone, get off my lazy butt, and go for an early morning walk with my precious kiddos! SOunds much better already:) hehe

Thanks for letting me vent Blog World! Writing is a release for me! A way of finding myself where I need to be! Happy Friday!

A Day In Seward, AK

2010-07-01T12:01:00.005-08:00

While down in Anchorage this past week, we took a day and drove to Seward, AK. It was beautiful! Our friends, the Cordes, were there as well. We had such a great time hanging out with them and just enjoying God's most beautiful creation!

Emmy Grace and her BEST friend Lauren! They are so cute together!

The kids in front of the Glacier making their silly faces! Love it!

And this is Exit Glacier! So cool! We hiked up about a mile and a half!

So sweet! These girls make me smile big!

The daddy's helping with the hiking. THose little legs just get so tired! Look at Travis, he had a double load!

My Sweet Baby! He LOVES being in that backpack!

My gang! They are seriously the best! I am such a blessed girl!

Look at Emmy. She looks like she lost her neck! They love being outside!

Throwing rocks in the ocean! It was too cold to get in! But it was so pretty!

An Eagle! He was screaming at his buddy! Such magnificiant birds!

Isn't this just breath-taking! God is so creative in His creatioN! I LOVE LOVE LOVE ALASKA!

Just another shot! So gorgeous!

This was our little friend who played around while Travis and Chris were trying to fish. He kept us all entertained! So cute!

God is so good! He created such beauty! I stand amazed at His goodness and grace!

A Visit With Nanny!

2010-06-30T14:20:00.003-08:00

My Nanny came up for a visit this past week! We had such a sweet time visiting with her! My children LOVE her to death! I am so thankful that they never meet a stranger! We have so many wonderful people in our lives that we dont get to see on a regular basis! It is so nice to have visitors, and my kiddos take to them so quickly and lovingly! I truly thank my Lord for that one! Here are a few pics of our visit with Nanny!

My mother and Nanny at Pioneer Park! It was a beautiful day! Loving the sunshine!

Lukey with his favorite person in all the world, my dad! HE loves his Papaw!

About to give Papaw a big kiss! He squeals in delight as soon as he sees his Papaw! So sweet!

Hanging out at the park! I am a truly blessed girl!

Riding the train! My kids favorite part of the whole day!

Nanny and the kids! Emmy always has to make sure LUke is smiling! Such a good big sister!

And a picture with my mom, their Mimi!

Picture perfect! Love them!

Memorial Weekend

2010-06-30T13:47:00.003-08:00

So, a little behind in my postings, but here is our fun-filled weekend in Delta:) We camped at Clearwater Campground. We also spent some time in the "mud pit" with some friends who were down for an ATV Rally! It was a blast! I am hooked! I just love camping! And our cute little camper makes it EVEN better!

This is Emmy and her best friend Lauren! Two peas in a pod! They love each other!

Chris, Ryan, Travis and Greg! Great friends! This is at the "mud pit."! Fun times!

Here is Wes with LeeAnn, his best buddy! She let him ride her 4-wheeler! He LOVED IT!

Daddy and Luke one morning after waking up! He does pretty good camping, Luke that is:)

Just chilling out at the campsite! They play so great together! I love my babies!

Daddy taking Emmy out in the canoe! It was so beautiful there!

Wesley's turn!

And here is Travis taking the canoe down to the river! Look at those sexy muscles!

Eating some yummy, camping food!

And here is a picture of our little camper! For all of you who can't believe my hubby actually bought me one, he sure did! He won't call it a camper though...he just calls it a tent on wheels! Whatever! It has heat and water! We have fun in it!

A Relaxing Weekend

2010-06-23T15:09:00.003-08:00

We went camping/hiking a couple of weekends ago. We had such a sweet time. It was just our little family...and it was raining, THE WHOLE time...but it was one of the best weekends together. We drove down to Denalli and camped in the park there. IT was so quiet, so peaceful, so relaxing! We had a really good time! We found a friend, who I didn't get a picture of, but the kids had fun chasing him around. His name was "Freddy, the orange Squirrl". My kids are true outdoors people. They hiked 3 miles, in the rain, without any help. (except Luke of course). Here are just a few pics...enjoy!

An Emotional Night

2010-06-21T21:56:00.003-08:00

Where does the time go? Tonight was a VERY emotional night for me! Good night...but EXTREMLY emotional! Wesley lost his first tooth! He was soooo excited! His prayer tonight as I was tucking him into bed was..."Dear Jesus, PLEASE let the tooth fairy be real!" I told him a while ago that the tooth fairy was just pretend. But then his little buddy lost a tooth and showed him the money the "tooth fairy" left behind. So Wesley ran home to let me know that the tooth fairy WAS real! Tonight we shall see! But my first baby, loosing his first tooth! He is just getting so big! Growing up! Right before my eyes!

And on another night...I stopped nursing Lukey tonight. I know I know, maybe too much info...but it was a big big deal for me! He is almost a year...and it is time. But it was so hard for me to let go! My baby! My last baby! He is getting so big as well! I thought he would cry...but he only wimpered for a bit and then drifted off to sleep! Sweet baby boy! So, both of my boys, growing so big! I am a proud mommy, but just a little sad...time flies so fast! Enjoy every minute!

3 Chicken Nuggets

2010-06-20T14:31:00.002-08:00

This afternoon we are sitting at Wendy's eating lunch. Emmy politely asks me if she can be done. I look at her plate. She has only eaten 1 of her 3 nuggets. So, I told her she needed to eat 3 nuggets b/c she is three. She then, VERY matter of factly, stated...

"Mommy, I already at the 3 one. I just don't want to eat 1 and 2 ones."

What in the world can you say to that!? That girl is smarter than what is good for her! So I VERY matter of factly stated...

"Okay, that is good. But you still need to eat 1 and 2 as well." I couldn't keep from laughing at loud!

Why oh Why?

2010-06-13T22:10:00.002-08:00

So, there are a few posts I am in need of writing...I have fallen behind in my updates...but this one had to be written tonight! This past weekend has been INCREDIBLY CRAZY! We have had some very sweet friends come up for a couple of weeks and I have been entertaining:) (in other words, been VERY VERY busy) And, I can't forget to mention that Travis went out of town this weekend as well. So, it is me and the kids. ME and 3 kids!

On Friday, after a long day of taking my friends all around Fairbanks and North Pole, we went over to my parents for dinner. I was in the kitchen cooking, when I heard a horrific scream from outside. All of a sudden, Wes comes to the door with blood gushing from his finger! (but, the scream had come from Emmy) He had been outside, and he had just informed me he was trying to cut wood with his swiss army pocket knife! It slipped and got his finger instead! So, in a flurry of activity, we all decided that he needed to go to the ER. So, I was trying to get him in the car when I realized I didn't have my base ID card! This causes a HUGE problem b/c in the army, that card is your life! IT is your insurance card, your way of getting on base, and your identification. So, I was frantically searching...but to no avail! So, my sweet Daddy offered to take us to the ER. We get there, and Wes had to get 3 stitches. He was such a brave little guy! He did cry...but I know it hurt bad! After a few hours at the hospital, they sent us home all bandaged up. We get home, and I had to go to the bathroom! I go into the bathroom, open the lid to the toliet, and THERE IS MY ID CARD! Floating in the toliet! (No, I didn't pee on it first) I don't know how in the world it got there! It was either Miss Gilbert, or LUke! Neither one is confessing just yet! I was happy to find my ID card...so happy that i just stuck my hand right down in that toliet and retrieved it! WOW! What a night! But in the end, all ended well! Wes had a new "man scar" to show off, I have a VERY clean ID card, and Travis will be home tomorrow. I always wonder though, why does all this craziness happen when my husband leaves? He misses all the good stuff:)

SUMMER TIME!~

2010-05-24T23:44:00.002-08:00

These kids are just as excited for summer as their mommy! They go to bed at night praying that God will give us a fun idea for the next daY! B/c summers in Alaska, you CAN NOT stay inside! It is against the law...almost! Guilt plays a big part in that law! After being stuck inside all winter long, when the sun comes up, and stays up, you just can't stay in! So, if you can't get ahold of us we are either outside, on our way outside, or taking baths from being outside. Life kidda stands still in the summers of Alaska. People just understand...schedules slow down...phone calls don't always get returned...meetings might get missed...houses don't get cleaned very often...only b/c those things have to be done inside! AND, us Alaskans, we don't know what that means in Summertime!

Sweet Boy!

2010-05-24T23:41:00.002-08:00

Words don't describe the love in my heart for these kiddos! I love being a mommy! It is truly a dream come true!

Mastered the Bike!

2010-05-24T23:38:00.002-08:00

I LOVE MY BIKE! Wes had finally mastered his bike without training wheels! Any of you mommy's out there having trouble getting rid of those training wheels, tip! Quit trying to teach them...just give them a bike and send them on their way! Within ten minutes, he was a wiz!