Slow…and Live Fully This Day!

He shakes his head no.  I ask him again, and still, his little head shakes no.  A lie.  Inside me starts to bubble…the truth is right in front of him, still, he grasps for the easy.  He fears.  He knows he did wrong, so he clings to the hope that I will not realize, I will not know. 

He is so young…a baby still…and yet he has opened his world to deceit and desperately holds tight to a false hope of secret…of hidden.  I reach for his hand.  I want to scream and yell, to scold and punish.  But this moment seems so tender.  I inhale hard and exhale slow.  He is a babe, he is learning, so His Spirit reminds to “teach”.  I talk him through the events, remind him of the truth and that mommy needs to ALWAYS hear truth spoken from his lips.  I remind of the importance…of obedience…of Jesus.  He keeps shaking his head no, and I keep talking…gently.

But then, in that quiet moment, I hear his whisper.  I see the repentance fall upon his little chubby face.  His eyes downcast, the knowing of his sin evident.  A tear trickles down his cheek…and his head begins to shake yes.  A confession.  

I gather him in my arms and my heart wants to burst forth in joy!  He understood!  And although I am not happy with his sin, I am happy with his understanding of repentance.  In the middle of rush and noise, in the bustle of busy and chaos, humility is birthed and my mommy heart can’t stop from rejoicing.  I speak of forgiveness…of consequences…but in his ear I whisper grace. 

I could have lost this moment.  I have lost so many others.  I speed past, I overbook and over schedule.  We hurry, and we forget to live.  To live fully!  Most days I would have missed this precious opportunity to sow into my babies heart.

The reality of that thought pains sharp.  I try and catch my breath.  And then, I hear…  “Slow, My child.”  I feel His Spirit reach tenderly into my soul.  Reminding.  A tear trickles down my cheek…and my head begins to shake yes.  I confess.

I feel the Father gather me into His arms.  He speaks forgiveness, and I hear His faint voice whisper grace! 

And we begin again.  A new day.  New grace for new moments still to come.  I surrender, again.  My prayer runs deep…” Open my eyes that I will see…the opportunities to teach, to nurture these little lives, to sow seeds of truth that will grow into steady trees planted by streams of living water! (Ps. 1)   And I pray for the grace to “slow…and live fully this day!”

Thanksgiving…

Today I am thankful.  In the early morning, while children are still sleeping and coffee is brewing and the night is giving way to morning’s light, I am thankful.  My heart truly overflows with the blessings God has poured out and over my life.  I sat down to this this keyboard, this computer, to type out a Thanksgiving list…but my list started a year ago.  I am on number 867. 

The biggest thankful this day…is that God is showing me how to live a life of thankful EVERYDAY.  I write these words with all humility, for this lesson wasn’t learned overnight.  And to be honest, I am still learning this lesson as my fingers fall across these lettered keys.  But the journey has begun.  And JOY fills my heart each day because of it.  I am truly learning how to find thankfuls in every day that passes!  I am still guilty of missing the moments…I get grumpy, discouraged, and loose sight of the beautiful!  But God has begun a work in my life that has led me back, each grumpy discouraged time, to the miracle of the moment that I am breathing and living inside! 

So, this Thanksgiving Day, the day we set aside as a nation to give thanks and remember…I will continue to count.  I will celebrate that this kind of joyous occasion can be had each and every day.  That the turkey and the dressing and the family gathered around the table, and the games and laughter and togetherness is celebrated throughout the year for our God gives us good each and everyday!  And His good is begging to be seen, to be proclaimed, to be shouted from the mountain tops! 

We give thanks.  We hold hands and bear witness of the Creator and His miraculous displays of beauty and grace all around.  We refuse to be silent…we will dance in the streets for we are filled with gratitude that cannot be contained.  And as our dance gives way to awestruck wonder and amazement, we will fall to our knees, with hands lifted high as we glory in the good and miraculous of Heaven HIMSELF!

                    

My Man!

He is a man of very few words.  The silent type.  People often mistake this for rude, mean, insensitive, or apathetic.  But really, he’s just quiet.  He won’t say anything unless there is something that needs to be said.  He is comfortable in the silence…he is comfortable with who he is.  He is a man, in every sense and meaning of the word.  He is passionate about what he believes.  He is real.  What you see is what you get.  Authentic.  He doesn’t aim to impress, take it or leave it, he doesn’t really care.  He will give his shirt off his back, if that’s what you need.  He notices everything.  He observes better than he engages.  But don’t cross his line, b/c he will get the last word.  (or just shoot you in the face)

People are intimidated by him…they don’t know how to take him.  He doesn’t allow too many people inside…he is guarded.  He is wise.  And he is mine.  Others don’t see his heart, they judge what they don’t know.  But I know.  I see.  He is a giver.  He is a teacher.  He is kind and loving, the best husband and father I have ever met.  I am blessed.  Here is just a peek into his heart…

 

 

He is silly beyond belief!  Never serious!

 

So handy!  Icing cookies!  Yet still manly…see that tool belt on his hip!  Ha!

He loves his family more than anything in the world!  He is teaching Emmy how to drive the snow-machine.

 

A date in Anchorage.  He is so sexy!  He treats me like a queen, I am BEYOND spoiled!  And I love love love it!

 

He gives to his kids more than any man I have ever met.  They love their daddy!

 

And he can sew!  Jealous yet ladies?  Wesley’s froggie was torn apart and Daddy saved the day!

He is a teacher.  He taught my ALMOST 80 yr old Memaw how to shoot a gun after they were robbed.  Next time she will be prepared.  He is so patient.

He serves his country with honor.  (And so good looking too)

Teaching Lukie how to fish for salmon.  Luke felt so big and important. 

He is always loving on his babies!

They had to wade across the river to get to the REALLY good fishing spot!  Always an adventure with this man.  Always.

He was showing the kids a grayling.  They fished for hours this day. 

He is kind and compassionate.  He loves hard and is faithful.  He loves the Lord with all his heart.  He may not be very verbal about it, but his heart is real, and he stirs MY heart like none other.  I think I’ll keep him, forever! 

Thanksgiving’s Fresh Work

My list is scattered, words are fewer and further between.  Time has ebbed on without an utterance of thanks.  Moments are lost with eyes closed, fists clenched tight.  My heart has hurt, throbbed with pain unrelenting.  Bitterness has begun to etch itself at the edge of my soul.  Joy has lost light, slowly fading, almost snuffed out altogether. 

Yet, under the ick and muck of sins most ugly blanket of self and filth, a flame still flickers, begging to catch wind.  As I begin to peel back the layers of pride and self-absorption, the flame grows brighter.  Thanksgiving begins to fall from my lips, slowly at first, tasting the sweetness of it’s words a fresh and a new.  And as my buds remember the goodness, the flame jumps and dances across the dark night of my weary soul.  The “thankfuls” start to pour out like a steady, soothing rain.  And the words become prayer…and the prayer takes root!  My eyes open wider and my hands are uplifted and I can’t keep silent for the joy is bursting forth!

And even though the page of my heart looks like a scribbled mess…the words all flowing without poetry or rhyme…my spirit is breathing in beauty healing.  The words rush forth like a wild, untamed river in giant force…yet I can feel His peace as it settles over like a calm mountain spring, tucked away in the nook of His love.  I can’t keep the praise contained.  Thankful sets me free from the weight that crushes this precious gift of time and moments and beauty and life.  I will name them again.  I will see them.  I will glory in the good they were given to be lived!  Thanksgiving truly washes over me…and as I inhale her beauty, I will exhale her grace for all to hear and see!

His “Glory-bearers”…

Tears fall down her cheeks.  Her spirit, broken into a thousand pieces.  She struggles to speak…fights for the words to describe the pain that has ripped through her heart.  And as she grasps for meaning to the lies that has almost split her world in half, she whispers through the sadness…” I want to respond like Christ.” 

I catch my breath.  I expect anger and frustration.  I await a flood of emotion and hysteria…instead, a whisper for more.  More of Jesus.  God-glory fills the room.  His radiance beams out of her cries.  She is hurt, but she still longs to sing HIS PRAISE. 

I sit in stunned silence.  Could this be happening?  This could just as easily have been me…yet could I be like her?  Could I find resolve in such a horrific situation and surrender my rights in order for God to receive the glory?  The questions fill my brain as I watch her.  She lovingly takes his hand.  This man who stands with such integrity in the face of such persecution.  The battle raging inside can be seen through his eyes.  The struggle is there, but the resolve is stronger.  This solider, this warrior, fighting for truth, standing his ground.  And in the end, truth prevails.  The scars run deep, but the victory is won.  The pain is etched across his features, but peace seems to settle over his soul.  And I want to fall to my knees.  I want to scream out against injustice!  Anger rises to the surface of my heart!  But I watch them.  And I see such beauty.  I see Jesus Himself.  I am sitting in His presence right here, right now, in this very room.  And anger dissolves, thankfulness is birthed. 

My eyes behold the God-glory…and it is almost too much to take in.  This couple, seated before me, is proof that there is a God, that He is real, that He is alive, and that He can change lives!  Everything about this situation screams out injustice!  But bigger than the injustice done, is the God living inside!  And that very same God is working His wonders…I can feel it.  I can see it.  Oh the pain is real, the wound is so very tender, so very raw.  But the miracle of healing has already begun.  Satan does not own the victory, he fights a loosing battle, for the victory is the Lord’s!

Humbly we bow, together we come before the throne room of grace.  We receive His goodness and He abundantly bestows!  What Satan means for bad, God will use for good.  We believe.  We trust.  Our faith is strengthened.  Our hope is restored.  

“Though the pain may last for the night, joy comes in the morning”. 

Peace for my Soul…

I can’t stop seeing the hurt in his eyes.  The deep pain that has changed him forever.  I can’t stop hearing the anguish in her story…the hurt from being accused and dismissed.  The images won’t leave my mind…the hungry, the hurting, the needy.  I see the need…I feel it in the center of my being.  I see the tears.  I feel them as they fall down her cheeks.  What can I do?  How do I help?  My soul cries out!  I can’t rest until I DO something. 

And then I hear it.  That soft Whisper that has become such a dear and trusted Friend.  The Holy Wind that blows across my heart and bids me come.  I fall.  On my face, I fall into His presence.  I fall hungry, hurting, and needy at His feet!  And there I stay.  I unleash my soul before Him…it all comes tumbling out in gushes. 

He says STOP.  He says INTERCEDE.  PRAY.  I bear my soul before the Almighty.  DO THIS.  I am doing what doesn’t make sense.  But in doing, peace starts to chip away the pieces of distress.  I can accomplish nothing apart from the ONE who accomplishes all.  So, in His presence I sit.  I lay aside frivolous things.  He convicts and disciplines my wayward heart.  I humbly bow.  It hurts, this growing up in the Lord.  But I know the growing pains will only bring me closer…closer to the One who my very soul longs to apart of.  So I confess.  And I bow lower.  Until I am prostrate on my bedroom floor, I bow.  And He says “Stay and Do”.  This is what I am to do for the hurt in his eyes.  This is what I am to do for the anguish in her story, the hurt from being accused and dismissed.  This is what I am to do for the tears as they fall down her cheeks.  I am to bow low, and usher their requests before the throne room of the Creator Himself…the great I AM. 

And when He sets me on my feet again, I am to go.  I am to feed the hungry, comfort the hurting, and help the needy.  I am to be His hands and feet. 

Praising Through The Seasons

In the waking of the dawn, I hear You.  I will give You praise.  For, in this moment of coffee dripping from the pot, laundry tossing in the dryer, quiet surrounding my heart…I can see You.  All around me.  You are calling me into Your beauty that overwhelms.  Outside my window, fall has settled in.  Trees have begun to change to yellow…sprinkled here and there.  Mornings are met with a cool damp mist, winter gently trying to make her entrance. 

But, in the midst of fall, SUMMER still breaks through my soul.  For only a few short weeks before, walking in the woods of birch, Your glory rained down through those trees and my spirit was set ablaze!

 

I can still feel that moment of grandeur!  I can still faintly hear You whisper Your love over me on that day.  And how my heart rejoices b/c I can hear Your love wash over me fresh and new THIS morning as well.  It doesn’t matter what season we are in, what storm we are facing, what light we see before us.  “Your mercies are new every morning, GREAT IS YOUR FAITHFULNESS!” 

So, bring on winter, in all her fury!  I am ready to praise!