The hurt is hard. The daily living in a world so torn is almost more than one can bear. The burden grows so heavy…so much pain…so much heartache…
I see the picture of 4yr old beauty, I see the bald, I see the scar of cancer visible under the few strands of hair that still remain. I read how this precious little one struggles for life…fights for a chance to dance and sing and spin with all the wonder that resides in little girl worlds. She understands too well, the ugly that can steal and kill. And she is only 4. I watch her parents hold tightly to the faith that gives them hope. I watch as they believe in the ONE Answer they know, while surrounded by questions they may never understand. WHY?? The forbidden question that echoes across every heart and screams loud in every mind. Why God?
Another day, another family comes together from all corners of the world, as that same question hovers over the room where they sit and wonder. Their arms are empty. We come together on a night where babies were supposed to have filled our laps, cries and coos were supposed to have captivated our hearts, but life has spun a different story and what was supposed to have been, isn’t. I listen to them, my brother and his precious wife, share their hearts and their hurt. I see all the emotions they have walked through these past 5 weeks flutter across their faces. Talking about it still brings pain. Everyday they are reminded of what was supposed to have been, but is no more. I can’t hold back the tears…WHY??
And then a phone call. He is scheduled for surgery in the morning. Another surgery. He has walked this earth for 81 years and has loved fiercely his God and his family. He has given so much over the years…always giving, never asking. He is so kind, so compassionate, so full of Jesus. Another surgery…WHY??
I know that everyone carries stories like these…full of hard and full of hurt. We have all asked…
Tears fall freely and I realize that I have been looking at this all wrong. In my questioning, I hear Him whisper gently and my heart beats faster, for I feel His presence near. I breathe in deep…for the “WHY” is still a question, but He’s revealing something far greater than my mind could ever grasp on it’s own. For I’m seeing that when I live this life focused on me…when MY life becomes my focal point and the woes and worries consume my thoughts and time, I live in a world that I can’t bear. I begin to doubt and fear creeps in and overwhelms.
BUT, when I can see through His holy lens, that this life is NOT about me at all…when I can step back and remember that I was created for His glory alone, my world shifts and I am changed. The crushing circumstances around me become an avenue for showcasing His majestic glory. My worries and woes become an opportunity to shine forth His beauty. And my questions and concerns become a platform of trust and reliance upon One much bigger than any dark or ugly that I may walk through.
Oh, its still hard. Knowing He is sovereign and trusting His plan doesn’t make the loss or devastation disappear. As my brother said, “We know that God is in control, that His plan is best. We see that obviously what we had thought to be the plan, just wasn’t what He had worked out for us. The tree-top view gives us perspective and we see. But what is hard is that we don’t live on top of the tree everyday. Daily, we live among the fallen leaves and life down here is hard. We are just trying to “flesh” out what we know in our hearts to be true. We want to live out the belief that God is sovereign. But we struggle and it hurts.”
And so we pray! We fervently cry out to our Creator and we grasp tight His hand. We cling to His promises and we count our “thankfuls”. We reach out to one another and we remind each other these truths, especially in the hurt and in the hard. We wake up each day and we live out the grace that He has so miraculously given. We shout it out from the mountain tops that OUR GOD REIGNS and that HE IS GOOD and that HE LOVES and that HE LIVES and that HE SAVES! We never stop giving thanks and we remind a sinful fallen world that there is JOY in the trial b/c our lives are vessels to proclaim HIS GLORY!
Use us Lord. It’s all about You!
