A Choice

Feelings of overwhelmed...so many things whirling around my head. So many responsibilities...so many things to be accomplished this day. Feelings of inadequacies...will I ever be enough? Can I raise these children the way that is pleasing to my Lord? Can I be the kind of wife that brings honor and glory to my King? I am tired. So very tired. My heart hurts. I feel so alone. Tears threaten to spill over...out of self-pity and self-despair.

Yet, I am reminded that this isn't about me. This life that God has given me to live. When I choose to focus on my problems, my chores, my to-do list, my my my...it takes the glory and majesty away from the KING OF KINGS and places the attention on "me". I don't want that...truly. Yet so many days are spent proving otherwise. I so often live self-centered...self-absorbed...and I fail. I fall. I loose focus completely. Life is but a breath...so short...in light of eternity, so small. But if I can change the focus off of ME...and place it on HIM...this small, short life has purpose greater than the deepest ocean, greater than the widest span, richer than the largest wealth. When I look only to HIM, CHRIST, and live my life waiting, watching, loving, listening, enjoying Him with all that I am...my life has meaning and peace that nothing can contend.

So, I choose this day to count...to number the graces that God has blessed me with! I will open my eyes to His mercies and goodness. I will praise Him instead of complaining about all that I "need to do...have to get done...or feel that life is pressing in too hard." God is so good and I will bask in that this moment. I will bring my hurting heart to the Lord and lay it down at His feet...so that I can be filled with His grace and shine forth His joy to the world! I must choose what feelings I will linger in...what emotion I will let control me today. And I choose God's grace...His goodness...His kindness...His Soverignty...I choose to rest in HIM...not me today!

Counting...

My blessings abound. Learning how to count....truly.

Reflections of childhood in muddy waters:) Perfect bliss!

Colors of summer! Trees in full bloom after dark and cold of winter!

Sunday afternoon loving! Greatest adventure in toddler world...throwing rocks with daddy.

Sunlight sparkling in river's flow.

The bend of the river...how it twists and turns...

Mommy Blessings:)

He is here, and my heart is happy. A weekend of children...of noise and chaos...and pure joy! They laugh and I feel HIM. They giggle and run and play and I sense HIS presence. They are HIS. I am HIS. We share the same FATHER...and in the fun and insanity of life, HE is near. My heart is pressed with His goodness and grace. I listen to their "pretend"...their hours of "play". A smile escapes the corners of my soul and in the moment of contentment, my mommy heart is filled to the brim and I want to dance and sing for the joy that God has given in the blessing of being their mother!

The world may shout at me to "BE MORE". Make a name for myself...be successful...have a career...make a difference...BE SOMEBODY! But the peace of my inner most being exclaims that I AM! I am fulfilling a dream God placed in me since I was a little girl. My name is mommy...and I am so happy! I love this life God has granted me to live. To raise these little people have made my dreams come true! To be married and serve this man whom God has given me, it fills my heart with joy and gives me reason to sing each day! God is good and I praise His name! I claim this life and will enjoy every second of it! The world can have it's pressure...it can keep it's lies of fulfillment and allurement of fame. I will glory in the role God has given me to live. I lift my eyes to heaven as I raise these precious treasures that are only mine for a time...and I will trust the Creator Himself to mold these tiny hearts into followers of the one and only TRUE KING.

My Friend...

I watch her. This woman whom God has molded into a "shining light of His glory". I see her pacing back and forth! I watch her giddy with excitement. She has waited for so long for this moment...in only seconds her man will walk off that plane and back into her arms. She keeps looking at me, through the lenses, grinning from ear to ear! She is nervous...but the love that she holds inside comes bursting through that anxious heart of hers as their eyes lock! HE IS HOME! They embrace. Hands quickly interlock...holding tightly as if to never let go! The butterflies inside her stomach steal her breath. Yet, I watch peace settle and fear vanish! In this moment, all is right within her world.

Tomorrow will dawn early and fear will rear it's ugly head once more. Another biopsy. Another challenge. More questions. More waiting. But this time is different. This time they are a united force! They can, together, squash that fear with faith and trust in a God Whose timing is perfect, Whose Love is greater, and Whose Sovereignty gives anchor to life that they walk. The steady, unwavering joy that is bubbling up and over is nothing short of a miracle, a life surrendered completely to a Lord Whom she has entrusted everything too. She is confident...she is ready to face the day! Ready to laugh at fear and live her life to the fullest!

God's glory is radiating from this life. His goodness is seeping through every pore of her being! And I am encouraged. I love you April and count it an honor to stand with you in prayer and watch God work His wonders through your life.