He Is Bigger than Inevitable

The Lord speaks…and again I am left speechless.  He knows my excuses.  He knows what my heart will justify, the sin that I will so easily overlook.  But when He speaks, it cuts to the quick.  And I am left with nothing more to argue.  For my heart can not serve two masters.  There is no relationship between God and sin.  I can try and reason with sin and flesh…but one can not hide unfaithfulness before the Faithful One.  It is impossible and cannot be done. 

And so I bow before the Creator and once again, cease striving.  I am silenced and humbled.  For I desire to hear Him, to know Him, to see Him alive and at work WITHIN me!  And if sin resides, there is no space for His Spirit to dwell. 

I confess.  And even in my confessing, I know that I am not strong enough to resist the temptation alone.  I don’t have it in me.  There is no point in telling God that I will “never do it again.”  B/c I have done it once, and in my flesh I will do it again.  It is inevitable.  But He is bigger than inevitable and He can empower even the weakest, such as myself.  So I cling desperately and hold tightly to His hand.  For on my own, I will fail.  I will slip into the very thing that I confess.  But through His strength I can conquer!  I can walk in the very light of the victory I so boldly claim!  For He has made me an “overcomer”.  So, today, I will overcome sin…and live victorious!

And after the confession…peace washes over and joy abounds!  I feel the colors of His love splash across my heart!  His Spirit comes to life within and I feel like a summer sunset, bursting forth with beauty that leaves a soul in breathless awe!

Faith…”Let’s See”

Today was hard.  Today presented an opportunity to trust…to exercise my faith in the Faithful One.  It was a “rubber meets the road” kind of day.  I love the end of days like these…b/c it’s the place where I get to feel the burn of a hard work-out with my Creator.  You know, like when you go to the gym and you give it your all, and every single muscle you have hurts like nothing you have ever experienced, but you LOVE IT!  IT is that good kind of “hurt”.  The one that makes you feel alive…that lets you know you have done something good and profitable and gives you confidence that results will look incredible! But the beginning is rough…it doesn’t always look so pretty…the results aren’t always so easily predicted.  

Well, that was my day today.  God asked the question: “Do you trust Me?”  My response: “OF COURSE!”  But then the next statement was the one that kind of made me nervous and threw me for a loop…He said, “Then let’s see:)”  He was wanting to see my faith in action…to watch if I could confidently lean on Him even when things began to spin out of control.  He was looking for joy in the midst of trials…for calm and steady in the middle of crazy and scary! 

I've been in this situation before…walked down this road with my Savior hand in hand…I knew what it looked like…and that I desperately wanted to respond in faith on this side of the trial…but what He was asking was so uncertain, so unknown, and my flesh wanted to scream and panic!  What do I do?  How do I do it?  FEAR!  The word I hate with a passion yet it plays such a big role in my life…Fear was rearing his ugly head and I had to make a decision:  was I going to give in?  Or stand and fight! 

Breathe.  In and out.  Again.  Remember.  Remember His faithfulness before.  Recall His promises.  Lean on them.  Stand on them.  Stake your life on them.  Choose your weapon.  Steady yourself…

I know God is faithful.  I know He has called me to “such a time as this.”  He has brought us so far.  He will not abandon HIs own.  Every word from Him played over and over in my mind…and I claimed each one.  It wasn’t easy…for each promise I claimed, Satan had a counter-attack prepared!  He fights dirty.  He fights hard.  It hurts.  But it doesn’t kill!  I found resolve.  I stood strong, rooted and grounded in God’s Word! 

And at the end of the day, the battle was won!  Satan was defeated!  Fear was put to rest!  God showed Himself faithful and glorious once again!  My faith was built.  And I give the glory to God alone!  His victory, His glory, His beauty portrayed for all to see!

I have been stretched, and I am sore, but He is good and He loves me and the results are phenomenal! 

My Favorite Little Faces:)

These are the little faces that I love…

The Faces God has called me to raise and grow….

These are the faces that make my life worth living…

The faces that make all the hard, worth it…that make all the fun, enjoyable…and make all the good, better!

I am so thankful for these little faces!  I am so thankful to be called “mommy”.  I am loving this life God has given me to live…I pray these little faces will grow and love and serve their Creator with all their hearts and souls and minds and strengths! 

The Joy-Giver…and the Joy FOUND!

Where do I begin?  It seems so long since I have sat with fingers lined upon these keys.  So many thoughts running through my mind…all jumbled up in a string of mess…how do I organize?  how do I put my heart out on this blog? 

But I feel the Spirit leading…I feel His whisper loud upon my heart…and writing releases me…it helps make sense…so I begin to type…

I have moments where joy is so easy to find.  My moments seem like an endless story of God’s amazing grace, etched from one second to the next.  Counting “thankfuls” seem to be a part of me…everything around me screams of the beauty of our God!  I can’t put my pen down for the numbering won’t stop…and I am giddy with delight over the wonder of my Savior! 

But then there are days where joy seems lost…I struggle to name even the most obvious blessings.  I feel trapped in a gloomy state of despair and climbing out seems more impossible than anything else I have ever come up against!  I snap at my children.  I am despondent.  I make mountains out of molehills and I allow my emotions to rule me.  I feel Satan mocking me…and I allow myself to fall privy. 

Yet, in my moments of failing…His grace still calls my name.  He chases after me…He woos me with more love than my heart is able to comprehend.  He pulls on my heartstrings…and I can’t help but come running!  Why?  Who am I?  I am just a silly girl who misses the mark each and every time!  I am beyond unworthy.  Still, He speaks my name.  He calls me into His private chambers.  He seeks me out.  He lies me down and His kisses of grace leave me breathless and undone.  Words leave me.  In His presence I am full and complete, captivated by Beauty that than none other compares. 

Joy springs to life once more…but not because of me…not b/c of my efforts in claiming or finding or doing…only b/c of the Joy-Giver and His relentless pursuit of this girl who can’t help but count, and number, and name and spell out this Beauty that has taken over this heart of mine! 

All About Him

I sit and listen…I read His Word and I am silenced.  My heart aches within…how much I want to be…to be more like the Creator…to be less like this fallible creation.  I breathe in…and I am reminded that even this breath was given to bring glory to His Kingship.  Everything within me was created for Him and for Him alone.  He is GOD!  He is GOD!  How do we wrap our minds around that concept…to understand Who He is…

He is Creator.  We are here b/c He willed it to be so.  Nothing we are, nothing we can do or want to do has anything to do with why we exist.  We are His handiwork…His very creation…His imagination put to life with breath and bones and blood.  His plan, His design, His purpose.  How foolish to think we are anything else.  HE IS GOD!  He is sovereign.  And He is good!  The vastness of my Savior runs so deep that comprehension is unattainable. 

Yet still I try…I want to know Him.  I want to grasp just a piece of His holiness…to touch His robe…to kiss His feet.  I want Jesus…God made man…I want to feel His presence and experience His power. 

It is not about me…not in the least.  It is about Him.  And how beautiful He is.  How magnificent He Is! He isn’t apart of “my” story…for my story is but a speck of dust in the span of eternity.  My story exists in order to bring Him glory…to make His name great…to reflect all of Him in everything I am to try, to live, to do.  I am His…and I find great honor in living out service to the One who spoke the worlds into being…whose power can not be matched!  

I don’t understand all that is…but I do understand that I was created for Him.  Period.  I am not here to find happiness or pleasure.  I wasn’t created to live up this life the best I can and then be done…no, I am here to bring honor and glory to my KING.  And if I fail to do that, what good is it?  What good is it?