Where do I begin? It seems so long since I have sat with fingers lined upon these keys. So many thoughts running through my mind…all jumbled up in a string of mess…how do I organize? how do I put my heart out on this blog?
But I feel the Spirit leading…I feel His whisper loud upon my heart…and writing releases me…it helps make sense…so I begin to type…
I have moments where joy is so easy to find. My moments seem like an endless story of God’s amazing grace, etched from one second to the next. Counting “thankfuls” seem to be a part of me…everything around me screams of the beauty of our God! I can’t put my pen down for the numbering won’t stop…and I am giddy with delight over the wonder of my Savior!
But then there are days where joy seems lost…I struggle to name even the most obvious blessings. I feel trapped in a gloomy state of despair and climbing out seems more impossible than anything else I have ever come up against! I snap at my children. I am despondent. I make mountains out of molehills and I allow my emotions to rule me. I feel Satan mocking me…and I allow myself to fall privy.
Yet, in my moments of failing…His grace still calls my name. He chases after me…He woos me with more love than my heart is able to comprehend. He pulls on my heartstrings…and I can’t help but come running! Why? Who am I? I am just a silly girl who misses the mark each and every time! I am beyond unworthy. Still, He speaks my name. He calls me into His private chambers. He seeks me out. He lies me down and His kisses of grace leave me breathless and undone. Words leave me. In His presence I am full and complete, captivated by Beauty that than none other compares.
Joy springs to life once more…but not because of me…not b/c of my efforts in claiming or finding or doing…only b/c of the Joy-Giver and His relentless pursuit of this girl who can’t help but count, and number, and name and spell out this Beauty that has taken over this heart of mine!
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