Questions....

Hot tears fall freely...it is midnight thirty and my world has just been shaken to it's core! My whole identity has been set into questions and I need answers! I need answers from a God who I place entire faith and purpose in! He is a good God! Right? He is Sovereign! Right? He is the Alpha and Omega! Right? He has a plan! Right? He set the world in motion...created...all is and was b/c He is I AM! Right? So, in all His creating...did He create bad? Where did sin originate? Where did the bad begin...where did it come from? All these questions circle through my mind...shake my steady ground of faith. Are we just puppets in His grand scheme of life? Do we have any choice in anything? B/c, in order to choose, means He isn't God. Right? Do we have free-will over the Creator Himself? Or did He create free-will? Or in creating free-will, did He let go of some of His God ship? I'm confused beyond belief! I've never questioned these things...they are complex and they set my world in chaos. I don't understand God. I've never claimed too. These things I know to be true....

He is God. He is Holy. He is good! He works all things for our good, for them who love Him and are call according to His purpose! He is Sovereign. He is in control. He has a plan. He demands our worship in all entirety! He demands an undivided heart! He also hates sin! He hates sin so much that He wipes out entire nations b/c of their lack of loyalty to Him. He is Just. He judges sin. He punishes sin. He forgives. He loves. He delights in His creation. We are His creation. He is the Creator. He creates to bring honor and glory to Himself. Because He is God. He desires a relationship with us. He created the means to have that relationship. He is Savior.

I love Him. I know Him. He knows me. I spend everyday of my life striving to know Him more. I can't get enough of His goodness, His beauty, His love. He gives me hope...in a fallen and sinful world...He gives me HOPE. He gives me LIFE. Life more than air I breathe but life with purpose! He gives me His Word...The God of the Universe spoke Words into being so that I may know Him and understand a small part of Who He is. He didn't have to do all this. But He choose to create! He gave me a mind and a heart and feelings and emotions. Everything about Him is good! He gives good. He makes good. He creates good. And I place my faith in the God of all this! I can't think of this good and amazing, awesome and mighty God creating BAD! Right? I won't allow Satan to steal my faith with logic and reason. I don't understand all of who God is...I don't understand why He allows bad to happen. But I do know that He uses the bad to create good. He uses the bad to bring people to their knees, in search for Him. He uses the bad to draw men unto Himself. He uses the bad to birth beauty. The bad is used for His glory just as the good and beautiful and spectacular and the miracle. That is what makes Him a God worth serving...a God worth committing everything too! A God worth laying everything down, to take up a cross and follow! To sacrifice my rights and will, and follow after all of the days of my life. This is my God. I know Who He is. And I serve Him freely! He isn't forcing my hand in service...but I dance on the streets before Him b/c my heart is so overwelmed with love bubbling up and over! How it all works out...I don't really know. All the logistics don't add up...in my finite mind, I don't begin to have a fraction of the answers. But I rejoice in the fact that I am HIS! He is MINE! JOY is in my heart...PRAISE is on my lips. My life has purpose...it is God alone. And whether here on this earth, or in Heaven before Him...I will give Him ALL the glory of all the moments of all the time I have exsistence...b/c that is why I exsist in the first place. And to think anything less is foolishness...He is God. Not me. It is so complex...this crazy life He has created. He is complex! But I thank Him that I have all eternity to spend learning and growing in my relationship with Him! Hmmmm....isn't God good!!!!!!!!!!! That is no question at all!