Struggle...

I am sitting here with so many thoughts running through my mind. My eyes are on the brink of tears...I am trying to hold it all in. We are having company over for dinner in an hour, the house needs a quick wipe down, Luke needs to get up from his nap, dinner needs to go in the oven, and yet here I am...sitting here before my computer trying not to cry.

How is it that people can make such an impact in our lives...for the good and for the bad. The same people that can encourage and uplift, can also insult and tear down. Am I that person to someone? What is a friend? And as a friend, what are we called to be? Is friendship merely for our own benefit? Or are we called to give of OURSELVES before looking out for what we can get out of a relationship? Are we "allowed" to write people off? To express our hearts to the extent of hurting someone else DEEPLY? I am hurt. I am trying not to respond in the flesh. But my flesh is hurting...along with my spirit. Thankfully, God wraps His loving arms around me and assures me that He will never leave me nor forsake me! His relationship with me is never-ending.

I don't want to hurt...I don't want to put my needs before others. I am sure I have hurt...and probably hurt deeply! And I am sorry. B/c today, I feel what THAT feels like. It cuts quick...it wounds deep, and it hurts hard! I am leaning on the Everlasting Arms tonight. I am thankful for the opportunity to check my own life and see where I can improve...where I can love better...where I can be there despite my weaknessess...and I can forgive, even when that is far from my heart's desire. God does provide opportunities to live out His word...I am glad that He counts me worthy to grow! Cause I need to grow....LOTS AND LOTS!