From Babe in a Manger…to King in the Clouds!

My heart is in need of quiet…of stopping this moment and listening to the whisper.  The whisper of the Holy One.  He is near.  When I am still, I can hear Him.  I can feel His love as He wraps me tight in His heavenly embrace.  I read the words… (Luke 2:10-13)

“The angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I am bringing you good
news that will be a great joy to all the people. Today your Savior was
born in the town of David. He is Christ, the Lord. This is how you will
know him: You will find a baby wrapped in pieces of cloth and lying in a feeding box." Then a very large group of angels from heaven joined the first angel, praising God and saying: "Give glory to God in heaven, and on earth let there be peace among the people who please God."

My spirit stirs within me.  We celebrate the birth, but we prepare for His coming!  For He is coming again…but this time not in a manger, quiet and meek.  No.  For this time “He, the Lord Himself will descend from heaven with a shout, with the archangel’s voice, and with the trumpet of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first.  Then we who are still alive will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air and so we will always be with the Lord.”  (1 Thess.  4:16-17)

The story began quiet…just the soft cries of a newborn babe…but the end will erupt in the trumpeting of heaven’s mighty roar!  The thread of God’s grace spun down through all of time is something far greater than words can ever describe.  When I still, and empty all of me before the Almighty Himself, I can begin to feel the crescendo that awaits!  For the orchestra plays, the music builds, and all of history sings with voices in one accord!  And as we prepare our hearts…the thunderous beating of an army of angels wings beats in mighty anticipation…for He will not be delayed much longer! 

So this Christmas night my soul rejoices!  The Babe who came that quiet night so long ago, will come again!  AMEN!

LOVE Came Down

LOVE comes down, from Kingdom high to manger low.

LOVE, wrapped in soft flesh.

LOVE, leaving behind royalty for servant hood.

LOVE, in proactive form, came to give and empty and make Himself payment for crimes He could never do.

LOVE, led by example, is more than mere words of beauty.

LOVE is sacrifice…it is acting out the example that gave up all for the sinful, wicked, dirty, shameful soul.  

LOVE is God.

Do we love like Christ?  Do we leave behind comfort and lay low our rights to give and to serve?  Does our love take on verb tense?  Are we actively loving the unlovely?  For to speak love, words can flow without sacrifice and thought.  Words are easy…but love lived behind the words are what Jesus came to show, what Jesus came to give.  He offers true love…and we, His image-bearers, are to offer up that love just as He.  Are we?  Am I? 

The Church…

Church.  What is church really?  Is it something we do?  Is it somewhere we go?  Why was it designed?  What has it been morphed into throughout the ages? 

I believe in what it is suppose to stand for…what it is suppose to be.  It is a body of believers who can humbly come together in unity and lift our voices in one accord to bring our Creator glory and honor due His name.  It is a place where we can bring our gifts, that God has so graciously bestowed upon us, and use them jointly to serve and encourage the body as a whole. It is something that is meant to magnify Christ, not bring attention to ourselves. 

But I fear that church has become so many things it was never intended to be.  Church is suppose to be a place where we come to empty ourselves out in order to be filled and used of the Spirit.  Yet, we come to “church” in order to be filled…in order to feel good…to be loved on…to be cared for.  We search for a church that entertains us, keeps our attention, leaves us with elated emotions.  We like a church for their good music, the pastor’s ability to move us with his words, the programs it offers our children, the fellowship it offers us.  We are seeking a church that can give us the most, that can meet all of our needs, and never disappoint.  Church has become all about us.  We come, we soak up what we can get out of it, we complain about what it doesn’t offer us, or what we don’t like about it, and then we lift our noses in the air and walk away, seeking something grander, better, more to our liking.  God forbid that we step up and give!  Never should we try and change the things we don’t like, love on the ones who we don’t agree with, fill the positions that we feel are lacking.  B/c we are there to be SERVED, not SERVE!  It isn’t about God’s glory, it’s become about our wants and how we think things should be.  So we whine and cry and complain and blame everyone else…squawking about until people stop trying to appease us or please us…then we turn our backs piously and move on, never stopping to think that maybe, just maybe, God wants us to get our feet dirty.  Maybe God wants us to jump in blindly and love and give and show Christ by example! 

I think our churches could be changed if we as Christians gained this mentality.   If we would stop judging the petty, and started loving without stipulations.  If we could wildly and vulnerably “let go” of all of US, and grasp hold of JESUS…the blessing would pour forth and it wouldn’t stop!   

Just some things I have been thinking about lately.  My heart hurts for the church.  I want to see God’s glory!  I want to move out of the way and let Him have His way!  This is my prayer this night.

Dancing in the Rain…

Busy.  This season seems so busy.  I love Christmas, the holidays, all the fun of family and friends.  But I don’t like how fast it speeds by, as each day gets bombarded with a hundred things I just “have” to get done!  This week has begun just like all the rest, but I feel God placing His finger on my heart…and I hear His gentle whisper to my soul…and I know this day must be different. 

I do have a hundred excuses why THIS season is okay to be busier than all the rest.  I mean, we are moving across the country!  And with very little time to think or plan or anything that makes moving across the country any easier.  But, there will always be SOMETHING that will steal my moments of now if I let it.  I read something just yesterday and it spoke to my heart…it said:

“You can’t wait until the storm passes by…you have to learn to dance in the rain!” 

This season isn’t necessarily a “storm” in my life…but it is something that I am waiting to settle down, to get through, to pass by so that things can be “normal” again.  But what is “normal”?  I don’t have “normal”…I have a life that changes from day to day.  And if I am always waiting for this event to pass by… to hurry up and settle down…then I will be waiting until my whole life speeds right by me.  And I don’t want to do that!  I want to live!  I want to DANCE IN THAT RAINSTORM! 

So, His gentle whisper says, “Calm in the midst of the storm.”  Enjoy the giggles from my little ones, write that letter to a friend, take time to blog, sit down with coffee and bible in hand, cuddle with my 2yr old, be patient, be kind, in the midst of busy and crazy, revel in the glory of God this day! 

So, here I am, hunting down the beauty this morning…and I will see it…b/c He is here, and I am aware:)

I Am His

The snow falls so quietly.  Almost deafening.  The silence as flakes of heaven float down from the sky.  A fresh blanket.  It covers and it hides.  The dirt.  The muck.  The ugly.  The white so pure takes the place of all the mess and turns it into a winter wonderful land. 

Inside my heart stirs.  His Spirit speaks.  A smile escapes my lips and I turn a thankful soul to the Snow-Giver, the Mess-Cleaner, the Reminder Himself.

 

My heart fills with dirt and grime each and everyday.  My steps become muddy and my feet get stuck in the muck each corner I come across.  But He is constantly turning my ugly into something beautiful, something pure and white.  And He reminds that it is only b/c of His shed blood that the quiet can exists, that the fresh can blanket and cover and hide the sin that plays so heavily outside.  And I inhale big, and relish in the moment of wonder as the world stops but for a brief instance, and I feel the snowflakes as they rest softly on my eye-lashes, and I hear Him as He wipes away and forgives this mess of a heart I have.  And I feel the peace settle in and over and I am whole.  I am His. 

The Nutcracker

She spins.  Again and again.  Her smile captures my heart and steals my breath away!  I can’t contain this joy that springs up a fresh and anew!  Watching her gaze in wonder…catching the moment and soaking it up!  She LOVES this…the beauty, the frills, the music!  The Nutcracker Ballet.  Every year we come, we watch, she dances and twirls.  We talk about it for 364 days until the next time we dress up, and spend an evening pretending we are there, in the Sugarplum Forest, spinning and twirling our dreams away! 

In the aisles, she can’t stop dancing!  She feels apart!  She tells me she just can’t stop dancing!

She waits with excitement, she is going to meet these beautiful creatures, these ballerinas who have stolen her heart!

She stands transfixed, as they sign her autograph book!

She keeps whispering to me…”they are so beautiful!”

She exclaims that she too, will be the most beautiful ballerina on stage!

It was a day of fairytale dreaming and princess smiles! 

Every little girl’s dream…to dance and be beautiful and have the entire world see that beauty that you know is stored inside!  To twirl and spin and feel the beauty that God displayed in all His creations! 

Its so fun to be a little girl!  So fun to feel the excitement of the ballet, the lights and music and know, in the very depths of your heart, that when the lights dim and the music begins, You are on that stage, dancing your dreams and dazzling a world into beauty and splendor!  And so, until next year, we will count the sleeps until we can do it all over again!

Alaska Has Stolen My Heart…

Moving.  Just the thought of the word sends my pulse racing and my blood pressure through the roof!  It’s not that I don’t like the actual moving…I love change.  I love new places, new adventures, new people and new memories!  I love the road trips, the visiting family, the time in the car with just my sweet little family.  I love the scenery as we drive across the country that we love so very much!  All of it, I LOVE! 

But what I don’t like, is the thought of leaving Alaska.  I have grown to love this place and think of it as home.  Even in the negative temps, the long months of darkness, and the frozen EVERYTHING…there is so much that compensates for those things that I barely notice them anymore.  Everything here is so BIG…so open and so beautiful.  There are more species of animals than there are people…we can drive and drive for hours and hours without ever encountering another human being!  I feel so close to God here…life is simple and it is so easy to keep perspective on what really matters. 

You dress for warmth, not fashion…you live to survive, not impress.  There is no “keeping up with the Jone’s”.  No one cares what you drive, what you wear, where you live or what you do.  You are who you are, and people like you just that way.  Nobody is “weird” or “unusual”…or maybe we are ALL WEIRD AND UNUSUAL, I don’t know.  But not matter who you are, you fit!

There are no dress codes for Sunday mornings…no restaurant requires black ties, your Carharts will do just fine!  A seven hour drive to go shopping is normal…but if you can’t find it at Walmart or Fred Meyer, you probably don’t need it anyway.  You sleep in the winter b/c the summers are made for playing…and playing hard!  The only good excuse for missing church in the summer is b/c your fishing…in the fall,  hunting.  No one questions or judges… well only if you come back empty handed!  Salmon and moose are just as good currency as cash in your pocket.  Crime is low b/c EVERYONE packs!  You carry your Bible AND your gun to church on Sundays.  The guy in the checkout line at the grocery store openly wears his 357 on his hip, and no one gives it a second thought!  Stupid people don’t last long here, b/c someone WILL shoot them in the face!

I am sad to leave this place!  It is the most incredible place I have ever lived!  This is the place where you chase the Aurora’s in the middle of the night, you swim in hot springs in –40 degree weather, you hike in the woods filled with snow covered Christmas trees all winter long!  This is the place where the sun never sets for 3 months straight…where the moon is brighter and the stars feel like you can reach out and grab one, keeping in your pocket for a rainy day!  You watch bears catch salmon while fishing on the opposite shoreline…you loose count of eagles soaring high, moose meandering in nearby fields, or maybe taking walk down main street!  Life slows here…b/c the beauty is too magnificent to overlook.  I feel overwhelmed with God’s greatness each and every day!  

I am excited for the next chapter of our lives…but sad it will take us away from this place.  I pray with all my heart God directs our steps back here one day.  This is our home, the only place my babies have ever known. 

Some days fear grips my heart as I think of moving back to the South.  The busyness, the stress, the materialism, the “keeping-up”.  I pray that I can bring a bit of Alaska back with me…that I can keep this sense of quiet and slow and good and not get caught up in all the hustle and “go”.  God has begun a work in my life, and I pray it continues on no matter what this world brings my way. 

Being Here, Now.

Today dawns early…with a list of “to-do’s” already a mile long!  My pulse races just thinking about all that this girl needs to make happen…my mind jumping through the day and the quiet of THIS moment slips right past.  I stop.  I breathe.  I hear His faint whisper…His wind as it stirs my heart.

Oh precious Lord, thank You for the reminder to live wholly now, in this day, in this moment, in this beauty You have given.  The day is early, and the reminder sinking in deep.  I am so grateful for a God who loves me enough to stop my quickening heart and bring me to my face, so I can be in His presence. 

So, I hush…and I hear…HIM!  He says to capture the grace He pours THIS DAY!  Capture their smiles….

Lay in the snow and make the prettiest snow angels possible!

Laugh hard with your children!

See the color of beauty all around! 

He beckons me to look!  To see!  The DARE to live fully is ringing true in my heart!  It’s not so much, being as productive as possible…it isn’t even being the best, the first or the greatest!  It is being here.  Now.  Seeing His glory.  Letting His beauty overwhelm you, change you, mold you into more of Him. 

So today, I will pick up my list, but I will pick up my camera too.  And I will remember to slow, and to capture the moments and memories of today.  And I will thank Him, for today.  For their smiles, the snow angels,  the laughter, the color of beauty all around!

The Reality of God’s Promises

Proverbs 16:1- “The plans of the heart belong to man, but the answer of the tongue is from the Lord.

vs.2 All the ways of a man are clean in his own sight, but the Lord weighs the motives.

vs.3 Commit your works to the Lord, and your plans will be established.

vs. 9 The mind of man plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps.”

These verses stand boldly on the pages of God’s Word…they speak softly to my heart.  I read them again and again, soaking up their truth.  They were a promise to this unsure girl only 6 months ago.  I have been clinging to these proverbs…trusting in my God to bring about only the perfect, beautiful, best plan for this little family. 

We had a dream, a plan that we desired.  Travis wanted to fly more than anything else!  He tried several times to change his job from the band field over to aviation.  He tried for the Air force, the Coastguard, and each time was told no.  It was discouraging…but we were trusting in the Lord for His perfect will for our family…we understood that He knew much better than we ever dreamed of knowing.  So, Travis went ahead in his free time and got his private pilot’s license.  He flew on his days off and kept trusting the Lord.  But about six months ago, God gave the man a new idea, one he had ruled out many times.  But for some reason, now it made sense.  Fly for the army, helicopters.  Even though helicopters weren’t his first choice, it was better than nothing.  HE needed experience in the sky, he needed hours flying…and what better way than get paid for that experience, those hours.  So, he put together his packet, prayerfully seeking God’s will, sent it in, and we waited. We had a plan…we made steps toward this plan, this desire.  But we knew that in order for it to become a reality, it had to be God’s will, His plan, His direction for our family.  And low and behold, He directed our steps into a YES answer!  Travis found out last week that he had been accepted to the program and that we leave Alaska for Alabama in 2 months. 

We are nervous…anxious for what the future holds.  We are leaving “comfortable” for “unknown” grounds.  But we hold tightly to these promises!  God has plans for our lives that we cannot see…so we walk ahead blindly but with faith!  We are excited for the future…and we are so thankful!  We have peace that we are where God wants us, b/c we couldn’t have come to this place unless it was totally of the Lord.  We had no control…we have no control really.  But we did all we could, and then it was resting solely in the Lord’s hands alone.  So, we walk forward…and we continue to TRUST!  B/c that is really all we can do!    

Slow…and Live Fully This Day!

He shakes his head no.  I ask him again, and still, his little head shakes no.  A lie.  Inside me starts to bubble…the truth is right in front of him, still, he grasps for the easy.  He fears.  He knows he did wrong, so he clings to the hope that I will not realize, I will not know. 

He is so young…a baby still…and yet he has opened his world to deceit and desperately holds tight to a false hope of secret…of hidden.  I reach for his hand.  I want to scream and yell, to scold and punish.  But this moment seems so tender.  I inhale hard and exhale slow.  He is a babe, he is learning, so His Spirit reminds to “teach”.  I talk him through the events, remind him of the truth and that mommy needs to ALWAYS hear truth spoken from his lips.  I remind of the importance…of obedience…of Jesus.  He keeps shaking his head no, and I keep talking…gently.

But then, in that quiet moment, I hear his whisper.  I see the repentance fall upon his little chubby face.  His eyes downcast, the knowing of his sin evident.  A tear trickles down his cheek…and his head begins to shake yes.  A confession.  

I gather him in my arms and my heart wants to burst forth in joy!  He understood!  And although I am not happy with his sin, I am happy with his understanding of repentance.  In the middle of rush and noise, in the bustle of busy and chaos, humility is birthed and my mommy heart can’t stop from rejoicing.  I speak of forgiveness…of consequences…but in his ear I whisper grace. 

I could have lost this moment.  I have lost so many others.  I speed past, I overbook and over schedule.  We hurry, and we forget to live.  To live fully!  Most days I would have missed this precious opportunity to sow into my babies heart.

The reality of that thought pains sharp.  I try and catch my breath.  And then, I hear…  “Slow, My child.”  I feel His Spirit reach tenderly into my soul.  Reminding.  A tear trickles down my cheek…and my head begins to shake yes.  I confess.

I feel the Father gather me into His arms.  He speaks forgiveness, and I hear His faint voice whisper grace! 

And we begin again.  A new day.  New grace for new moments still to come.  I surrender, again.  My prayer runs deep…” Open my eyes that I will see…the opportunities to teach, to nurture these little lives, to sow seeds of truth that will grow into steady trees planted by streams of living water! (Ps. 1)   And I pray for the grace to “slow…and live fully this day!”

Thanksgiving…

Today I am thankful.  In the early morning, while children are still sleeping and coffee is brewing and the night is giving way to morning’s light, I am thankful.  My heart truly overflows with the blessings God has poured out and over my life.  I sat down to this this keyboard, this computer, to type out a Thanksgiving list…but my list started a year ago.  I am on number 867. 

The biggest thankful this day…is that God is showing me how to live a life of thankful EVERYDAY.  I write these words with all humility, for this lesson wasn’t learned overnight.  And to be honest, I am still learning this lesson as my fingers fall across these lettered keys.  But the journey has begun.  And JOY fills my heart each day because of it.  I am truly learning how to find thankfuls in every day that passes!  I am still guilty of missing the moments…I get grumpy, discouraged, and loose sight of the beautiful!  But God has begun a work in my life that has led me back, each grumpy discouraged time, to the miracle of the moment that I am breathing and living inside! 

So, this Thanksgiving Day, the day we set aside as a nation to give thanks and remember…I will continue to count.  I will celebrate that this kind of joyous occasion can be had each and every day.  That the turkey and the dressing and the family gathered around the table, and the games and laughter and togetherness is celebrated throughout the year for our God gives us good each and everyday!  And His good is begging to be seen, to be proclaimed, to be shouted from the mountain tops! 

We give thanks.  We hold hands and bear witness of the Creator and His miraculous displays of beauty and grace all around.  We refuse to be silent…we will dance in the streets for we are filled with gratitude that cannot be contained.  And as our dance gives way to awestruck wonder and amazement, we will fall to our knees, with hands lifted high as we glory in the good and miraculous of Heaven HIMSELF!

                    

My Man!

He is a man of very few words.  The silent type.  People often mistake this for rude, mean, insensitive, or apathetic.  But really, he’s just quiet.  He won’t say anything unless there is something that needs to be said.  He is comfortable in the silence…he is comfortable with who he is.  He is a man, in every sense and meaning of the word.  He is passionate about what he believes.  He is real.  What you see is what you get.  Authentic.  He doesn’t aim to impress, take it or leave it, he doesn’t really care.  He will give his shirt off his back, if that’s what you need.  He notices everything.  He observes better than he engages.  But don’t cross his line, b/c he will get the last word.  (or just shoot you in the face)

People are intimidated by him…they don’t know how to take him.  He doesn’t allow too many people inside…he is guarded.  He is wise.  And he is mine.  Others don’t see his heart, they judge what they don’t know.  But I know.  I see.  He is a giver.  He is a teacher.  He is kind and loving, the best husband and father I have ever met.  I am blessed.  Here is just a peek into his heart…

 

 

He is silly beyond belief!  Never serious!

 

So handy!  Icing cookies!  Yet still manly…see that tool belt on his hip!  Ha!

He loves his family more than anything in the world!  He is teaching Emmy how to drive the snow-machine.

 

A date in Anchorage.  He is so sexy!  He treats me like a queen, I am BEYOND spoiled!  And I love love love it!

 

He gives to his kids more than any man I have ever met.  They love their daddy!

 

And he can sew!  Jealous yet ladies?  Wesley’s froggie was torn apart and Daddy saved the day!

He is a teacher.  He taught my ALMOST 80 yr old Memaw how to shoot a gun after they were robbed.  Next time she will be prepared.  He is so patient.

He serves his country with honor.  (And so good looking too)

Teaching Lukie how to fish for salmon.  Luke felt so big and important. 

He is always loving on his babies!

They had to wade across the river to get to the REALLY good fishing spot!  Always an adventure with this man.  Always.

He was showing the kids a grayling.  They fished for hours this day. 

He is kind and compassionate.  He loves hard and is faithful.  He loves the Lord with all his heart.  He may not be very verbal about it, but his heart is real, and he stirs MY heart like none other.  I think I’ll keep him, forever! 

Thanksgiving’s Fresh Work

My list is scattered, words are fewer and further between.  Time has ebbed on without an utterance of thanks.  Moments are lost with eyes closed, fists clenched tight.  My heart has hurt, throbbed with pain unrelenting.  Bitterness has begun to etch itself at the edge of my soul.  Joy has lost light, slowly fading, almost snuffed out altogether. 

Yet, under the ick and muck of sins most ugly blanket of self and filth, a flame still flickers, begging to catch wind.  As I begin to peel back the layers of pride and self-absorption, the flame grows brighter.  Thanksgiving begins to fall from my lips, slowly at first, tasting the sweetness of it’s words a fresh and a new.  And as my buds remember the goodness, the flame jumps and dances across the dark night of my weary soul.  The “thankfuls” start to pour out like a steady, soothing rain.  And the words become prayer…and the prayer takes root!  My eyes open wider and my hands are uplifted and I can’t keep silent for the joy is bursting forth!

And even though the page of my heart looks like a scribbled mess…the words all flowing without poetry or rhyme…my spirit is breathing in beauty healing.  The words rush forth like a wild, untamed river in giant force…yet I can feel His peace as it settles over like a calm mountain spring, tucked away in the nook of His love.  I can’t keep the praise contained.  Thankful sets me free from the weight that crushes this precious gift of time and moments and beauty and life.  I will name them again.  I will see them.  I will glory in the good they were given to be lived!  Thanksgiving truly washes over me…and as I inhale her beauty, I will exhale her grace for all to hear and see!

His “Glory-bearers”…

Tears fall down her cheeks.  Her spirit, broken into a thousand pieces.  She struggles to speak…fights for the words to describe the pain that has ripped through her heart.  And as she grasps for meaning to the lies that has almost split her world in half, she whispers through the sadness…” I want to respond like Christ.” 

I catch my breath.  I expect anger and frustration.  I await a flood of emotion and hysteria…instead, a whisper for more.  More of Jesus.  God-glory fills the room.  His radiance beams out of her cries.  She is hurt, but she still longs to sing HIS PRAISE. 

I sit in stunned silence.  Could this be happening?  This could just as easily have been me…yet could I be like her?  Could I find resolve in such a horrific situation and surrender my rights in order for God to receive the glory?  The questions fill my brain as I watch her.  She lovingly takes his hand.  This man who stands with such integrity in the face of such persecution.  The battle raging inside can be seen through his eyes.  The struggle is there, but the resolve is stronger.  This solider, this warrior, fighting for truth, standing his ground.  And in the end, truth prevails.  The scars run deep, but the victory is won.  The pain is etched across his features, but peace seems to settle over his soul.  And I want to fall to my knees.  I want to scream out against injustice!  Anger rises to the surface of my heart!  But I watch them.  And I see such beauty.  I see Jesus Himself.  I am sitting in His presence right here, right now, in this very room.  And anger dissolves, thankfulness is birthed. 

My eyes behold the God-glory…and it is almost too much to take in.  This couple, seated before me, is proof that there is a God, that He is real, that He is alive, and that He can change lives!  Everything about this situation screams out injustice!  But bigger than the injustice done, is the God living inside!  And that very same God is working His wonders…I can feel it.  I can see it.  Oh the pain is real, the wound is so very tender, so very raw.  But the miracle of healing has already begun.  Satan does not own the victory, he fights a loosing battle, for the victory is the Lord’s!

Humbly we bow, together we come before the throne room of grace.  We receive His goodness and He abundantly bestows!  What Satan means for bad, God will use for good.  We believe.  We trust.  Our faith is strengthened.  Our hope is restored.  

“Though the pain may last for the night, joy comes in the morning”. 

Peace for my Soul…

I can’t stop seeing the hurt in his eyes.  The deep pain that has changed him forever.  I can’t stop hearing the anguish in her story…the hurt from being accused and dismissed.  The images won’t leave my mind…the hungry, the hurting, the needy.  I see the need…I feel it in the center of my being.  I see the tears.  I feel them as they fall down her cheeks.  What can I do?  How do I help?  My soul cries out!  I can’t rest until I DO something. 

And then I hear it.  That soft Whisper that has become such a dear and trusted Friend.  The Holy Wind that blows across my heart and bids me come.  I fall.  On my face, I fall into His presence.  I fall hungry, hurting, and needy at His feet!  And there I stay.  I unleash my soul before Him…it all comes tumbling out in gushes. 

He says STOP.  He says INTERCEDE.  PRAY.  I bear my soul before the Almighty.  DO THIS.  I am doing what doesn’t make sense.  But in doing, peace starts to chip away the pieces of distress.  I can accomplish nothing apart from the ONE who accomplishes all.  So, in His presence I sit.  I lay aside frivolous things.  He convicts and disciplines my wayward heart.  I humbly bow.  It hurts, this growing up in the Lord.  But I know the growing pains will only bring me closer…closer to the One who my very soul longs to apart of.  So I confess.  And I bow lower.  Until I am prostrate on my bedroom floor, I bow.  And He says “Stay and Do”.  This is what I am to do for the hurt in his eyes.  This is what I am to do for the anguish in her story, the hurt from being accused and dismissed.  This is what I am to do for the tears as they fall down her cheeks.  I am to bow low, and usher their requests before the throne room of the Creator Himself…the great I AM. 

And when He sets me on my feet again, I am to go.  I am to feed the hungry, comfort the hurting, and help the needy.  I am to be His hands and feet. 

Praising Through The Seasons

In the waking of the dawn, I hear You.  I will give You praise.  For, in this moment of coffee dripping from the pot, laundry tossing in the dryer, quiet surrounding my heart…I can see You.  All around me.  You are calling me into Your beauty that overwhelms.  Outside my window, fall has settled in.  Trees have begun to change to yellow…sprinkled here and there.  Mornings are met with a cool damp mist, winter gently trying to make her entrance. 

But, in the midst of fall, SUMMER still breaks through my soul.  For only a few short weeks before, walking in the woods of birch, Your glory rained down through those trees and my spirit was set ablaze!

 

I can still feel that moment of grandeur!  I can still faintly hear You whisper Your love over me on that day.  And how my heart rejoices b/c I can hear Your love wash over me fresh and new THIS morning as well.  It doesn’t matter what season we are in, what storm we are facing, what light we see before us.  “Your mercies are new every morning, GREAT IS YOUR FAITHFULNESS!” 

So, bring on winter, in all her fury!  I am ready to praise! 

The Process of Breaking…

Pride.  What a small little word that carries a lot of weight!  A word, that when paired with a heart, can result in nasty, ugly things.  How funny, that many people “take pride” in being humble?  What a completely ridiculous statement!  But I think we are all guilty of it. 

To be humbled by the mighty hand of God hurts something fierce!  When the Almighty breaks your heart into a thousand tiny pieces, when you have fallen so low that, when on your face in the miry muck, it is a struggle to even look up, it doesn’t feel very “good”.  But oh, the holiness of that moment!  B/c in that moment, you realize, it isn’t about me!  This life, this breath, this world I claim as my own, isn’t about me at all!  I am here to serve the purpose of my Creator.  Those words taste a bit bitter rolling off the tongue.  They go against everything my flesh tells me is true.  But then I read words like Luke 17:10 which says: “So you too, when you do all the things which are commanded you, say, ‘We are unworthy slaves; we have done ONLY that which we ought to have done.’”  I am reminded that what is accomplished through these flesh and bones are only things that God enables me to do for His purposes.  He is Sovereign and in control. His ultimate plan for all humanity has little to do with my wish lists and selfish ambitions.  I would dare even say that my “to do” lists may stand as a hindrance at times for His master plan to unfold.  I don’t want to stand in the way.  I want to be sensitive to the Holy Spirit, even if what I feel He is calling seems inconvenient or “hard to swallow.”

I am being humbled this day.  My heart is broken and laid bare before the Lord and I am ashamed of the pride that has crept to the surface of my life.  Oh, but I will bask and delight in the forgiveness of my King.  He offers, and I will bow low and accept. 

To pray the prayer for humbleness seems spiritual and right.  But when it begins to take place, it is truly an unearthly experience.  B/c I would never wish this kind of humiliation and hurt on purpose.  But I know, with all faith in my great Lord, that it will bring about beauty and tenderness of heart that I have never before experienced.  So I am walking forward, on my knees, trusting in His holy process. 

My Daddy

The phone rings.  In the middle of cutting up chicken for dinner, taking cookie sheets out of the oven, I answer.  Daddy.  He rarely ever calls me.  He is busy.  He isn’t much of a phone-talker.  But neither am I.  The timer is buzzing from the oven, another batch of cookies ready to come out.  I am balancing one sheet in one hand while trying not to drop the phone. 

And then I hear his words.  “Thank you for believing in me.”   He called just to say his thanks.  And tears quickly spring to my eyes.  Nothing elaborate.  Just a simple “thank you” turned my crazy, chaotic day into a memory that will last for a lifetime.  The act of believing, the words of encouraging, the time of investing…he noticed and he gave back.  My heart stills within me.  Love overwhelms and I give my “thankful” back to the Lord. 

How blessed I am to have a father who lives with integrity.  This moment is good…and I offer up my praise to the good-moment Maker! 

Hurting…My Thankful This Day

How a heart can break.  In the early morning light, my heart is laid bare, and the hurt seems so big, so overwhelming.  Too quickly I forget that “we don’t wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities and things not of this world”.  Too often, my war is fought against the wrong enemy.  Far too often I loose my focus, I forget, and I hurt. 

Deep, gut-wrenching sobs rack my body…tears fall across my keyboard as I type.  I don’t want to forget.  I don’t want to hurt.  But sometimes only the hurt can bring the healing needed for my soul.  Sometimes only the hurt can open my eyes.  Sometimes, in hindsight mostly, hurt can be a great and dear friend.  For God uses that hurt to bring me to the foot of the cross.  That hurt turns my eyes up.  That hurt…helps. 

So, I embrace the hurt.  This morning, in the breaking light of the dawn, that very hurt is my “Thankful” this day. 

Change me Lord.  From the inside out, change this heart of mine until it no longer resembles me at all!  Make me a mirror of You, precious Savior, Father. 

Loving the Body Of Christ

I love the body of Christ.  All of our quirks, abnormalities, differences, I love them all!  We are so different, and in that is amazing beauty!  None of us are perfect!  As much as we would like to think we are, we aren’t!  And when you put a bunch of us together, you can truly see all those imperfections shine!  But the flip side of that, the HAPPY side of that, is that all those fabulous, wonderful, Christ-qualities shine out as well!  God’s glory starts to weave it’s way through all of us…His goodness and grace start seeping into relationships and moments of togetherness…and Jesus is suddenly evident like never before!  It’s supernatural!  And it is glorious! 

But why do we run from those beauty-making moments?  Why, when things start to get just a little sticky…when we begin to notice our brothers and sisters working out and working through their imperfections and struggles, do we tuck tail and run the other way!  We had rather judge their faults and blast their wrongs instead of pray grace over their lives and encourage their weakness til strength is found!  We are always growing.  God is always weeding junk out of our lives…He is constantly molding us and pruning us…our relationship with Him is a DAILY walk.  We haven’t “arrived” at some spiritual place of grandeur where we get to sit and critique everyone else’s walk with Christ.  We are all in the same boat!  We are all dirty rotten sinners saved by the gracious and loving hand of God the Father.  There is nothing in us that is good!  Nothing!  Only by the shed blood of Jesus Christ can God look upon our hearts!  We all have a common enemy…one who is prowling around looking for someone to devour!  So shouldn’t we be a unified force, coming together with the soul purpose to show God’s glory?  If only we would be patient with one another, and let prayer become our “crutch” instead of idle gossip disguised as “concern” in our Christian circles.  If we would love each other long enough to watch God’s miraculous hand weave in and out of hearts, we would see the super-natural, awe-inspiring, miraculous sign of repentance that only God can bring about in people’s lives!

But we don’t want to wait around on THAT, now do we?  We see the wrong in people’s lives, we are quick to judge and point out that wrong, and then when that person doesn’t “change” b/c of the pointing out we have done, we become impatient with them and turn our backs!  Instead of continued prayer over that person, we “dust our feet of them” all too quickly and move on.  How dare they not change!  We forget that it takes the conviction of the HOLY SPIRIT to  change lives!  My “pointing out” may be a stepping stone, an eye-opener, but not a life-changer!  Lives can only be changed through the Holy Spirit! 

I think we miss out on many of God’s greatest blessings b/c we give up on people too fast!  We get frustrated and walk away too soon!  We quit praying, I mean REALLY, DOWN ON OUR KNEES, TEARS POURED OUT, kind of praying for others!  And then, when God comes down from heaven and touches that soul, when that spirit is moved and sin is confessed and a life is changed, we aren’t there to witness it!  We aren’t there to glory in God’s amazing grace b/c we have too quickly forgotten that His same grace is what changed our heart, convicted us of our sin, waited patiently on our stubborn will, and we have piously walked away. 

My prayer is that I will wait on the LORD!  That I won’t get ahead of His Spirit moving in our midst.  I pray that I can love the body of Christ patiently and forgivingly.  I pray that I can stand in the gap, down on my knees, humbly waiting and watching for Christ to move those mountains and and create “water-walkers” all around me!  He is God! He is good!  He is big!  And He is doing big stuff in the people’s lives all around me!  I want to see those blessings unfold! 

Some Reasons Why We Homeschool…

It’s 3:47am and I am awake.  My heart is restless within me.  I can’t sleep b/c I have a million and one thoughts running through my mind…and writing them down helps me establish importance within my soul.  I’m sorting through some major questions in my brain, and since this is my blog, I will use this outlet to figure a few things out!

Question #1:  Why do we homeschool?  Homeschooling isn’t easy!  It isn’t some lame excuse of a way to get out of getting up early and making lunches and putting kids on the bus.  It isn’t our way of saving gas money in not having to run all over the place taking kids to and from school.  Homeschooling in our family is a hard, yet beautiful commitment!  We choose to homeschool b/c we want to instill in our children more than just a secular education.  Reading, writing, math, science, social studies….all of those things are important!  We spend countless hours choosing curriculum, praying over what will suit our children’s learning styles best, preparing lessons and teaching those lessons to little minds and hearts.  But deeper still than educating their minds, we want to educate their hearts in the depth of God’s Word and His ways.  Children are so impressionable at these young, tender ages.  I want to impress God’s way into their hearts, to teach them the importance of living for Christ and lay a foundation in their life rich in the ways of God so that when they are older, they will KNOW how to stand for HIM when faced with adversity, difficulties, and peer pressure.  The world is so big, so aggressive, so hungry to deceive our minds and lure us into it’s way of thinking.  Homeschooling provides such an amazing opportunity for me as a mother to spend time weaving the fundamentals of following after Christ into the day in and day out of education and living in this world but not becoming indoctrinated by it!  It is such a fine line, a hard line to distinguish and we think as a society that our children are ready to figure this out at the age of 5? 6? 7?  And these days, with preschool so popular, we throw our children out there in the world at the ages of 3 and 4! (Preschool is an entirely different post I could write about…but I’ll save that one for another day!)  We have these precious little people in our care for such a short time!  We have to make these years count!  One day, far too soon, they will be at the age where they won’t want to listen to what we have to say.  The world is grabbing and trying to grasp their attention at every loop and bend!  Through television, advertisements, movies, music, entertainment as a whole,  the world screams at our children that it can offer them so much more!  Our time with them is limited! And in that limited time, I want to teach my children what IS important, what will last for eternity, that this world is but for a moment and we are placed upon this earth for one ultimate reason!  And that reason is to bring glory and honor to our Creator!  This life isn’t about us!  It isn’t about having fun or becoming bigger and better at whatever it is that we are doing!  It is about pointing others to the cross!  It is about Kingdom building!  Christ-Kingdom!  And when I think of sending my children off for 7-8 hours a day to have a system (which I don’t even respect or trust)  instill in my children what THEY deem important and acceptable, that just screams a BIG FAT NO! 

Not only is homeschooling meeting my expectations in a spiritual manner for my children, but I am able to work with my kids in a one on one environment where learning is faster and more efficient!  I am able to pin-point their struggles quickly.  And then we are able to work on those areas specifically. As soon as they grasp a concept, we are able to move on to the next, we don’t have to wait for anyone to catch up.  

For me as a mother, it isn’t an easy task to undertake!  I spend hours and hours of preparing and then teaching!  But it is so worth every minute of my time.  The joy and exhilaration of  that moment when one my kids grasps a concept we have been studying, it is beyond words or explanation!  And when I watch my kids sharing with each other, serving one another, loving on each other…it brings such a peace to my spirit, and to our household. 

I’m not a super-mom either.  I have plenty of moments of impatience and insanity!  Days when I just don’t remember why we have chosen this path!  But God will gently whisper into my heart and I am reminded once again.  We are not perfect.  We are no different than anyone else.  Homeschooling doesn’t make me a better parent than my neighbor.  I am not taking pride in my commitment.  Homeschooling is a blessed opportunity that I never ever want to take for granted.  Can you instill all of these character traits in your child and still send them to public school?  Most definitely.  But I believe that you have to be deliberate and have much resolve in the time you have with them at home.  Will I forever homeschool?  I can’t answer that question this morning b/c I don’t know what the future holds.  I do know that while they are young, I want to teach them and direct them as much as possible.  I want to provide as many opportunities to instruct them in the ways of the Lord as I can!  Homeschooling provides one of those opportunities.

Parenting is much bigger than changing diapers and making lunches.  Christ-parenting is a daily responsibility to teach our children how to become God-fearers, not man-pleasers!  Christ-parenting is growing our children up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.  Parenting is 24/7.  We don’t “get a break”.  It’s definitely a privilege we receive from the Lord, and I don’t ever want to take it for granted ,or think of it lightly.  It’s big!  But it is so AMAZING!  I love my children…and I want to sow into their lives as much as I possibly can!  And that is why we homeschool. 

 

(There are many more reasons why we have chosen this path, but for now, this is what I needed to write down.  I will expound more later.)    Question #2:  …that will come later:)  I got carried away with question #1.  

LIVING in the Right Now!

He gives me life, and He says LIVE!  Right now, in this moment, LIVE!  Drink in the beauty of here, now.  Bask in the grace supplied for the present.  He wants us to enjoy.  He wants us to FEEL the grandeur of the mountain, serene and intense!  He wants us to be AWED over the delicate berry, so round and so blue.  He wants our senses to come alive to HIS beauty, the beauty that He created for all to see.  This creation is His handiwork.  His masterpiece.  The tree bent low.  The caterpillar so intricate.  The tundra so soft.  The breeze blown across the meadow, whispering words from the very lips of the Creator Himself. 

“Don’t worry about tomorrow…”  Christ speaks with wisdom.  He knows that worry will cause us to miss out on this day, this moment dipped in majesty and glory.  He longs for us to be still.  To slowly open our eyes and LOOK.  “Taste and see that the Lord is good.”  He appeals to our senses for He designed them for His glory. 

So, He calls…and I hear.  My soul stops its frantic searching and planning for the next moment, and I begin to live in this one.  My long list of schedules and “to do’s” fade from sight and I SEE my Savior ALIVE AND ACTIVE right now.  This day is a gift He has granted me.  This breath is given from GRACE Himself.  I lay aside the stress of responsibility and I embrace the wild, the adventure of being HIS!  All the chores will still be there tomorrow…but right now the opportunity exists to run free!  To  dance with arms stretched wide, face turned up toward the warmth of the sun, and smile spread from ear to ear!  This minute of wild abandonment will fuel the next with joy and inexpressible contentment!  For everywhere, in everything, God is near and I will rejoice and LIVE!

Tuesday Morning…

Women.  We sit around a circle.  Each one carrying a story all her own.  We laugh nervously as greetings are passed back and forth, one to another.  We fill the awkward silence with timid questions and quiet smiles.  Everyone trying to find her place.  This group of women, from the youngest of girls to the most seasoned of grand-mothers.  We are all here, all trying to connect in some form or fashion.  Our hearts yearn for unity, to find relationship, to be knitted together on common ground.  A prayer is uttered and the floor is opened.  The question has been poised.  Who will answer first?  Who will open her heart wide and let all of us inside?  Who will bear her soul and allow us to look deep within? 

And then she raises her hand and begins her praise.  She is thankful.  She, who only weeks before buried her most treasured friend.  Her dear sweet grandmother had gone to be with Jesus… She is thankful.  Her eyes speak of peace no earthly explanation can expound.  She sings her Creator’s praise back to Him with genuine gratitude and my heart is stirred within me. 

I listen, spellbound, as each woman opens her heart and allows us to catch a glimpse of the beauty and workings of our great God and King within her.  One by one, she gives glory and testimony to the proof that we indeed serve a RISEN LORD. 

Another explains the humility God has brought upon her, and she is grateful.  In her embarrassment, she is able to see the graciousness of God and again, is so very thankful.  We laugh, deep belly laughs with her, and I marvel.  This quiet, reserved woman is able to offer her story up with joyful happiness over a most humiliating event. 

We move through each story, each testimony, and each is the same, yet so different and unique.  God is weaving His grace through each of our lives and is creating this beautiful masterpiece.  I am truly speechless in response.  Tears flow freely down tender faces.  Tears that speak of years of heartache and sadness.  Tears that testify of hardship and disappointment.  But through those tears, praise is lifted up and glory is placed at the feet of Christ.  How?  Why?  She utters her gratefulness over years of hurt, b/c it was through that hurt that she truly found her most precious Savior.  She recognized Him sweeter and more faithful as she faced the storms of life than she ever did sailing through on a perfect day. 

Another stands firm in the face of fear and claims the victory that her God has promised!  She refuses to give in!  She will not worry!  She will stand with resolve before an enemy defeated!

I listen.  I watch.  These women God has created, chosen to be His own!  We can come together, in the middle of our hectic, busy schedules, and we can offer up sweet smelling sacrifices to our Lord.  We can praise Him together b/c we have seen Him.  We have felt His presence.  We have experienced His conviction. We have humbled ourselves under His authority.  We have been embraced by the same Father.  We are more than just women sitting around a table on a Tuesday morning.  We are sisters.  We are family, brought together under the most glorious name of Jesus!  My soul sings!  My heart skips a beat!  This is living!  This is testifying.  This is good.  I am thankful. 

Transitioning…

I stand in his doorway as tears fall freely down my cheeks.  He is sleeping in his big-boy bed!  My baby is no longer in his crib.  The soft sobs shake my body.  Where has the time gone?  It is speeding by so quickly.  I can barely keep up.  These precious moments with these sweet little angels.  They seep through my fingers like grains of sand…how I ache to hold on!  Sometimes I want to capture this minute in a bottle and never let it go!  Foolishness, I know.  But the desire is so overwhelming at times.  I don’t know why this moment caught me so off guard?  It crept up on me…too sudden maybe?  My sweet husband walks quietly down the hallway, embraces me in a hug as my tears stain his shirt.  He holds me knowingly.  My heart about the burst. 

 

And then the Lord ushers in His comfort…so quickly that it almost steals my breath away.  He gently reminds me that there is a way to make these moments last for all eternity.  Count them.  Number these seasons of grace and praise them back to Him.  And so I hurriedly grab a pen start writing…

…548. little chubby arm, wrapped tight around his monkey love, satisfied grin playing on his lips…sleeping in his big-boy bed!

…549. deep, knowing embrace from husband standing in a darkened hallway.

…550. an aching hurtful heart, a reminder to count the moments, to record the graces God sprinkles throughout each day!

I will choose to walk slowly…to savor each breath as a gift, a treasure straight from the heart of my Savior! 

A Legacy of Jesus

 

He sits and watches.  His family all around.  His girls prepare the meal.  The grandchildren laugh and talk.  The great- grandbabies play.  There is joy all around him.  His family.  Beauty, chaos, love, perfection.  He smiles.  He is content in this moment.  Dignified.  Wisdom.  Years of life.  He has given so much…and now he is seeing the fruit of his labor.  God has blessed, and he gives thanks.  His legacy is passed down through the generations.  And he takes in the joy of the moment.  God is so good. 

 

We gather around the table, hands held tight as he gives thanks for all our many blessings.  We all bow our heads and hang on every word he speaks.  Wisdom speaking for all to hear.  We drink in his words, we bask in this moment of togetherness.  He says “amen” and as we gather our children, sit and begin conversation over our meal, I watch him.  He sits satisfied, content, in peace.  And I take note of the stillness of his soul.  The quiet of his presence.  A life lived so well.  So full.  And I long for this moment to last forever.  I long to take this memory with me for a lifetime.  To learn and to remember this Christ-likeness seeping into all around.  This man has passed down a legacy of Jesus.  We are here, because of him.  And I am happy.  I give thanks and count this moment, this minute, this breath a treasure.

"Be Still..."

HE speaks my name. He bids me come. He whispers over my soul. He tells me to STOP. To just BE in His presence. "BE STILL"...He says. "CEASE STRIVING"... My heart is overwhelmed...He tells me it doesn't have to be.

So, I lay down my plans. I stop "doing" and I come. He offers peace. I am silent. I am quiet in His presence and my spirit is awakened. For NOW, my focus is on the Father. All this time, my attention and my worry has been on people, circumstance, problems. But now, in this moment, it is all on my Lord. And when my heart is steadfast on HIM, everything else grows dim in comparison. Just simple adoration. Simple gaze. He wants me fixed on HIM. The world will carry on in all her busyness and demands. People will continue to fail me and hurt me and disappoint. But when I loose sight of the prize and place that sight on the obstacles, discouragement will become paramount and this girlish, human heart will slip and fall.

So He asks me to be silent. He asks me to listen. To stop talking. To stop trying. He asks me to just be His daughter. Just be loved. Be a mirror of His glory. Be a vessel. Allow Him to pour HIS goodness through me.

"Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, FIXING OUR EYES ON JESUS, the author and perfector of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has set down at the right hand of the throne of God. " Hebrews 12:1-2

It's ALL About Him!

He bids me come. And I come. He strengthens me and lifts me up. I fall. Again. And He lifts me up. Again. He is enough. When I am done...when I can't place one foot in front of the other...when my "giver" is just plumb "given out"...He fills me so full that joy and happiness seep out of every pore in my being! And I laugh! I twirl like a little girl dancing for all the world to see! I leap and I dance and I skip for joy for my God has supplied my ALL! I am full of Him and there is nothing wanting. Yes, my eye-lids are heavy. Yes, my body feels weary. And yes, my brain is fried! But my spirit is renewed within me! I can press on...why? B/c it isn't me anymore! "I have been crucified with Christ, nevertheless I live, yet not I, but it is CHRIST WHO LIVES WITHIN ME! And the life I now live, I live by the grace of the Son of God who loved me and gave Himself up for me!" Galatians 2:20

All glory and honor are His! Any good that is done in this life is b/c of Him. He supplies the strength, but He also supplies the good! He allows us to "do" in His name to 1.) Bring glory to Him...and 2.) to experience joy inexpressible! I am there this night. The joy inexpressible part...my heart can barely contain all WHO GOD IS! He is working miracles in the hearts and lives around me...I see Him transforming...molding...shaping...creating beauty that this world can not conjure up! Real, true beauty and my heart rejoices!

I love this life God has written out for me to live! The people He is bringing into my life...the excitement they have for the Lord...the growth and desire to see Him high and lifted up encourage me like nothing else! I am blessed! I am so happy!

A Summer of Thankful...

A Summer of Thankful...

Great-Grandmothers...our Mamaw!

Standing at water's edge, peering in with amazement at God's creation.

Squeals of excitement...butterfly perched on shoulder

Fishing...

First Ice-cream cone...Toddler Delight

Throwing rocks in shallow river

A perfect summer's evening...fly-fishing alone in riverbank....

Bright yellow among a sea of green

Freedom flying proud

Lunch beside river's bend...sunshine beckoning life lived hard

Thankful pouring out of heart giddy with happy! I am one blessed girl!

A Summer's Prayer

Deep exhale. After a long list of long days, I exhale hard. A lot. Good stuff, horrible stuff, convicting, mind-altering stuff, and then just stuff. Summer has been full already and it is only the first week of June. I do love Summer. I love the green grass, the full life of the trees, the blue blue sky, the clouds stretched as far as my eye can see. I love the color of the wild rose bush, the swarms of brilliant butterflies, even the yellow dotting the landscapes of dandelions! Even a weed can bring color and life to a cold, white world. Summer! I love the endless days (literally here in Fairbanks! Land of the midnight sun), no real schedule, friends over, barbecues, birthdays, lunches on the river, long walks, bike rides, camping, fishing, throwing rocks by the waters edge. I love how tired doesn't deter me from living life to the fullest! In the Summer! Sunshine beckoning me to live...deep exhales are a sign of joy and peace after a long list of long days.

And so I breathe in...breathe out. I enjoy the smell of summer...the sound of laughter floating in my window from children playing hard. Deep, content breaths of peace and happiness. Thankfuls all around. Creation singing out God's glory in the grandest form!

And on this summer's night...after a full day of loving my Savior, loving on His people, and giving til the end of me is near...I lift my heart in full, adoring praise that I am His chosen! I am His daughter! His blood covers me. And my prayer this night, as I bask in His goodness and grace, is that my life would be a reflection of HOLY displayed through flesh and bone. May HIS glory shine so bright...HIS beauty be mirrored from my face, my heart. My prayer is that this girl becomes LOST in the picture of SAVIOR AND KING!

A Choice

Feelings of overwhelmed...so many things whirling around my head. So many responsibilities...so many things to be accomplished this day. Feelings of inadequacies...will I ever be enough? Can I raise these children the way that is pleasing to my Lord? Can I be the kind of wife that brings honor and glory to my King? I am tired. So very tired. My heart hurts. I feel so alone. Tears threaten to spill over...out of self-pity and self-despair.

Yet, I am reminded that this isn't about me. This life that God has given me to live. When I choose to focus on my problems, my chores, my to-do list, my my my...it takes the glory and majesty away from the KING OF KINGS and places the attention on "me". I don't want that...truly. Yet so many days are spent proving otherwise. I so often live self-centered...self-absorbed...and I fail. I fall. I loose focus completely. Life is but a breath...so short...in light of eternity, so small. But if I can change the focus off of ME...and place it on HIM...this small, short life has purpose greater than the deepest ocean, greater than the widest span, richer than the largest wealth. When I look only to HIM, CHRIST, and live my life waiting, watching, loving, listening, enjoying Him with all that I am...my life has meaning and peace that nothing can contend.

So, I choose this day to count...to number the graces that God has blessed me with! I will open my eyes to His mercies and goodness. I will praise Him instead of complaining about all that I "need to do...have to get done...or feel that life is pressing in too hard." God is so good and I will bask in that this moment. I will bring my hurting heart to the Lord and lay it down at His feet...so that I can be filled with His grace and shine forth His joy to the world! I must choose what feelings I will linger in...what emotion I will let control me today. And I choose God's grace...His goodness...His kindness...His Soverignty...I choose to rest in HIM...not me today!